When you are married to an abusive husband you never have a moment of peace.
Your abusive husband torments you with his vulgar display of anger. His anger often exceeds the limits of decency that you sometimes feel your life is in danger.
I winced with discomfort when I heard loud and harsh voices coming from my neighbor’s house. As usual my neighbor was spilling out vulgar profanities on his wife.
I could hear him throwing things around in a crude display of anger. It was pathetic to hear his wife crying her heart out.
After sometime my neighbor went out as if nothing happened. His wife came out to close the gate her husband had left open. Her eyes were swollen and there were red marks in her cheeks. She was always friendly with me. But today she averted her eyes and I walked away, not wanting to add insult to her agony.
Her abusive husband was displaying plain domestic violence.
‘It is not the bruises in the body that hurt. It is the wounds of the heart and the scars of the mind.’ – Aisha Mirza
What are the signs which clearly show that you are married to an abusive husband?
1. He verbally abuses you
Your husband uses vulgar words which makes you feel angered at his atrocity.
When he yells at the top of his voice you cringe in shame that your neighbors might hear his abusive words.
You feel ashamed to face them.
2. He physically attacks you
When your abusive husband is angry he loses his control.
He throws things at you with the aim of hurting you.
He hits out when you argue with him.
3. He publicly insults you
Your abusive husband has sadistic pleasure in insulting you publicly.
When you go out with him you are terrified that he might create scenes with his public display of anger.
4. He controls your life
Your abusive husband literally takes over your life.
He never consults you about what should be done for the family.
5. He controls your money
Your abusive husband takes control of your hard-earned money.
You have to hand over your salary to him.
He gives you a small allowance from it. You inwardly curse him.
6. He is suspicious
Your abusive husband never trusts you.
He checks your messages and emails.
He asks you lot of doubting questions about your whereabouts.
7. He takes you for granted.
Your abusive husband feels you are duty bound to look after him.
He never appreciates you.
He overlooks your contribution towards the family.
He never shares your household chores.
8. He is not responsible
He never parts with his money.
He is very selfish.
He never has a stable job.
You have to shoulder all the family problems by yourself.
9. He does not respect you
He treats you with scant respect.
He abuses you before your friends\relatives.
He shames you when your colleagues come home by passing unwanted comments.
10. He cheats you
Your abusive husband has extra marital affairs.
He has many affairs that you lose count of it.
You dread to confront him as you know he will abuse you.
You forgive the anger of your husband only when it is reasonable and mild. But when it exceeds its limits you feel your self-respect is insulted.
The anger of your abusive husband is degrading and insulting.
There are many reasons behind the rude and crude behavior of your abusive husband.
- Inferiority complex
- Abusive childhood
- Lack of confidence
- Persistent failures
- Jealousy about your success.
- Addiction to alcohol and drugs
Whatever might be the reason your husband has no rights to abuse you. You should not accept it meekly and let him derive sadistic pleasure by torturing you.
You want to walk out of your marriage, don’t you?
What should you do if your husband is abusive?
- Never accept his atrocious behavior meekly.
- Be confident and assertive to deal with his immaturity.
- Don’t give tit for tat to his abusive behavior.
- Never be cowed down by your husband’s unwarranted display of violent anger.
- Move out of the house when he physically assaults you.
- Seek the help of your parents\friends who really care for you.
- Keep important documents\keys\dress in a suitcase and be ready to leave when things go out of hand.
- In extreme physical assault inform the police.
- Seek divorce when he is uncontrollably violent and harms you with the intention of seeing your blood.
Abusive relationship is worthless. Verbal abuses leaves deep scar of anger in you. Physical abuse endangers your life.
When your abusive husband shows no sign of rectifying himself it is no use continuing in a loveless marriage, is there?