Adopting a child is a noble cause, isn’t it?
You become parents to a deprived child.
But adopting a child is not an easy joke. You should be mentally prepared for it.
Why should you be mentally prepared before adopting a child?
You have to be mother\father to your adopted child who is not biologically yours. Your adopted child is your lifelong commitment.
So never be emotionally carried away in adopting a child. Remember you are dealing with the life of a child.
You should never cause emotional insecurity throughout his\her life.
Do you know there are many couples who adopt a child without thinking about the emotional commitments involved?
After adopting a child they find it impossible to have emotional bond with him\her. They make the life of the adopted child torturous by being unloving and uncaring parents.
You have many reasons in adopting a child.
- Infertility makes it impossible to have a child of your own.
- You want to be a family to an orphan.
- You want a sibling to your only child.
- You want to be a Good Samaritan.
The most common reason is being childless. When you have no children your relationship gradually becomes listless and aimless. You feel a child could revive your dull married life.
A very natural feeling!
What happens after you adopt a child?
You easily become emotionally attached to your adopted child as you have no children of your own. The adopted child too gets easily adapted to his\her changed situation. He instantly and spontaneously think you as his\her parents. Your hitherto barren life blossoms with freshness by the arrival of your adopted child.
But are you thinking of adopting a child when you have a child of your own?
Adopting a child when you have your own makes the scenario entirely different.
Your biological child does not accept the adopted child as his\her sibling. He\she in fact feels the adopted child as an intruder.
Are you adopting a child without mentally preparing your own child?
You are doing a grave mistake.
Are you wondering how?
Your biological child feels confused when you share your love with someone who does not belong to the family.
Your own child revolts when he\she has to share his\her things with the newcomer.
You are ruining the emotional security of your child as well as that your adopted child.
Adopting a child! – Are you mentally prepared for it?
- Never be partial towards your own child. Treat both equally.
- Include your adopted child in all family activities as you do with your own child.
- Show him\her true love and friendship.
- Never make him\her feel he\she is adopted.
- Never tell your relatives\friends that he\she is an adopted child when he\she is around.
- He\she is emotionally shattered.
Do you think living with an adopted child is easy?
It is not!
Your adopted child does not immediately feel belonged to you as his\her mind is wary of your love and care.
- You must make him\her feel completely at home by giving him\her your loving attention.
- You should spend quality time with your adopted child.
- You should make great adjustments to make him\her feel home.
Never utter the words ‘you would obey me if you were my own child’.
Never make your adopted child feel ‘if they were my own parents they would be more caring and loving’.
Yet another important aspect you should consider before adopting a child is his\her age. When you adopt a child when he\she is a baby he\she becomes emotionally attached to you very easily. But when you adopt a grown up child he\she still remembers his\her parents. You find it very difficult to make your adopted child understand that you are his\her new parents.
‘I no longer feel he is my child’ I was shocked when I heard my friend say this about her adopted son.
As she was childless both decided to adopt a child.
They finally adopted a boy.
Initially they showered the boy with love and care as if he was their own.
But as luck would have it my friend became pregnant a few years after adopting the child.
The life of the adopted child turned upside down. I was a direct witness to the hostility the adopted child underwent after the couple had their own child.
He was ill treated and uncared as all their attention was now diverted to their own child. My friend had many legal advice to disown the boy. She wanted her adopted son to go back to the orphanage. When she knew there were legal hassles involved, she literally made the boy an unpaid servant at home.
It happened many years ago. I heard the boy left his adopted parents and went back to the orphanage. Recently I heard he is well off with a good job. I was happy to hear he is married with two beautiful kids.
Giving a warm and loving home to a deprived child is very good gesture from you. It takes great efforts from you to make the adopted child feel you are his parents. You should also make your adopted child feel emotionally sheltered by you.
You should make him trust and love you.
Can you do it?
Only then should you adopt a child!