Adopting a child is the first thing that comes to your mind when you don’t have one of your own, isn’t it?
It is also a very noble cause. When you become parents to a deprived child, it gives him the emotional security of a family.
But adopting a child is not an easy joke. You should be mentally prepared for it.
Why should you be mentally prepared before adopting a child?
You have to be a mother\father to your adopted child who is not biologically yours. Being emotionally attached to your biological child comes naturally to you.
He is after all your own blood, isn’t he?
But it takes immense mental preparation to shower your adopted child with love and care as you would your own.
Adopting a child is not a temporary commitment in your life. He is your lifelong commitment.
You have many reasons in adopting a child.
- Infertility makes it impossible to have a child of your own.
- You want to be a family to an orphan.
- You want a sibling to your only child.
- You want to be a Good Samaritan.
The sad story of an adopted child
“I no longer feel he is my child” I was shocked when I heard my friend say this about her adopted son.
She was childless for many years. So, she and her husband decided to adopt a child.
They finally adopted a boy.
Initially they showered the boy with love and care as if he was their own.
But as luck would have it my friend became pregnant a few years after adopting the child.
After my friend’s baby was born, the life of her adopted child turned upside down. I was a direct witness to the hostility the adopted child underwent after the couple had their own baby.
He was ill-treated and uncared as all their attention was now diverted to their own child. My friend consulted many legal advisers about the ways to disown the adopted boy. She wanted her adopted son to go back to the orphanage. When she knew there were legal hassles involved, she literally made the boy an unpaid servant at home.
It happened many years ago. I heard the boy left his adopted parents and went back to the orphanage. Recently I heard he is well off with a good job. I was happy to hear he is married with two beautiful kids.
So, never be emotionally carried away in adopting a child. Remember you are dealing with the life of a child.
You should never the reason to cause emotional insecurity in his\her life.
Do you know there are many couples who adopt a child without thinking about the emotional commitments involved?
After adopting a child, they find it impossible to have emotional bond with him\her. They make the life of the adopted child torturous by not making him feel that he is now loved and cared by them.
It takes time for you to become emotionally attached to your adopted child though you have no children of your own. The adopted child also has all sort of doubts about your love.
But as time goes by you become emotionally attached to your adopted child. He too gradually gets adapted to his\her changed situation.
When you continue to shower him with love, your adopted child feels you are his parents. Your hitherto barren life blossoms with freshness when your adopted child reciprocates your love and care.
Are you thinking of adopting a child when you have a child of your own?
Think twice.
Yes!
Adopting a child when you have your own makes the scenario entirely different.
Why?
Your biological child does not easily accept the adopted child as his\her sibling. He\she in fact feels the adopted child as an intruder to the sole attention he had so far enjoyed with you.
Your own child feels emotionally lost when your adopted child enters into the family scenario
Are you adopting a child without mentally preparing your own child?
You are doing a grave mistake.
Are you wondering how?
Your biological child feels confused when you share your love with someone who does not belong to the family.
Your own child revolts when he\she has to share his\her things with the newly adopted member of the family.
And your adopted child feels completely alien in a hostile atmosphere.
You are ruining the emotional security of your child as well as that your adopted child.
How should you treat your adopted child when you have one of your own?
- Never be partial towards your own child. Treat both equally.
- Include your adopted child in all family activities as you do with your own child.
- Have a frank talk with your own child and tell him that the adopted child is his brother\sister.
- Never make him\her feel he\she is adopted.
- Never tell your relatives\friends that the child is adopted when he\she is around. The adopted child is emotionally shattered.
- You should spend quality time with your adopted child.
- You should make great adjustments to make him\her feel home.
- You must make him\her feel completely at home by giving him\her your loving attention.
- Never utter the words “you would obey me if you were my own child”.
- Never make your adopted child feel “if they were my own parents, they would be more caring and loving”.
Yet another important aspect you should consider before adopting a child is his\her age. When you adopt a child when he\she is a baby he\she becomes emotionally attached to you very easily.
But when you adopt a grown-up child, he\she still remembers his\her parents. You find it very difficult to make your adopted child understand that you are his\her new parents. Your grown-up adopted child does not immediately feel belonged to you as his\her mind is wary of your love and care.
Never rush into adopting a child. Analyze your mindset. Consult your spouse. Have a frank talk with your own child.
You should adopt only when you get the go-ahead signal from all members of the family. The final decision should always be mutual and united. It is that important.
Conclusion
“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.” – Robert A. Heinlein
Can you see that living with an adopted child needs dedication and commitment from you?
You should make the adopted child feel that you are his parents. When you do it, it makes the adopted child feel emotionally sheltered by you, as your home becomes a haven to him.
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