Drifting away from your spouse is a danger signal to your marriage.
Are you wondering how?
What exactly does drifting away mean in married life?
You enjoy your relationship only when there is emotional sync between you. If you turn towards each other your married life becomes stronger and stronger.
But if you turn away from your spouse, you drift away from him\her- emotionally, physically and psychologically.
Why do you drift away from your spouse when you married him\her with ardent love?
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ comes together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” –Dave Meurer
Your expectations about your spouse and your married life sky rocket to the maximum when you take your marriage vows on your wedding day. The radiance of love you exude on your D day makes your relationship look heavenly and blissful. Both utter your marriage vows with hundred percent conviction.
But you are unable to sustain your ecstatic love after a few months of marriage.
- You have lots of misunderstandings.
- You fight like enemies.
- You become secretive.
- You fail to display your love.
The worst of your married life happens.
- You become indifferent to your spouse.
- You seem to have nothing in common.
What happens in between that you drift away from each other?
Why do you lead a married life which is exact opposite to the one you dreamed of?
Do you want to know the culprit for the loss of glow in your marriage so soon?
It is your unrealistic expectations!
- When in love, the time you spend together is all fun.
- You took everything about your spouse in the true spirit.
- You teased each other with easy friendliness.
- You spent money on your spouse lavishly.
- You had so much to talk about.
- You missed each other when you were not together.
But everything changes after your marriage.
- When you live together you experience many differences of opinion between you.
- You feel the immense difference in your upbringing.
- You are shocked that your tastes differs so much from that of your spouse.
- You buckle under the pressure of your family responsibilities.
- Your spouse no longer excites you.
- Your interaction is stale and uninteresting.
These crushed expectations about your married life makes you feel that your spouse is not exactly the right person for you.
Why do you make the mistake of expecting too much from your spouse?
- Everything about your spouse weaves a magic web around you.
- Both wear a cloak of perfectness and goodness when in love.
- There is an undercurrent of acting when you interact with each other.
- You want to show to your spouse that you are a picture-perfect match to him\her.
The initial days of your married life flies past in exhilarating physical proximity and the newness of belonging to each other. This is the most blissful phase of your marriage which never comes back.
When your honeymoon period is over, one responsibility after another comes as tsunami waves to throw you off balance.
You are completely baffled by the changes you and your spouse undergo.
After marriage you realize with bitterness that your married life is totally different from your love life!
Unlike the love world the world of marriage is the exact opposite.
It is reality to the core!
There can be no pretentious enactment as you have to face the harsh realities and responsibilities.
Are you drifting away from your spouse? A danger signal!
Take a look at your married life!
- You are taken aback by the waves of family problems.
- You dislike certain habits of your spouse.
- You are exasperated that you have to adjust to it.
- You are no longer answerable only to yourself as your spouse demands an explanation to whatever you do.
- You cannot spend money as you wish to as there are many family financial commitments to be met.
- Whenever you talk with your spouse it is always about some family issues which invariably end in arguments.
- You have tremendous work related tension.
- You are drained by your work load.
- You are fatigued by the tedious commuting time.
- When you enter your home you are all keyed up and edgy.
- You are in no mood to interact with your spouse.
- All you want is rest and some peace.
- You seek solace not in your spouse but in TV\computer\video games\laptop.
You have a disinterested dinner and retire to bed with your bones aching with tiredness to wake up for yet another routine life of boredom.
The intimacy between you slowly dwindles to nothingness. Your sexual drive decreases. Sex becomes just a physical urge between you. There is nothing exciting in your marriage any longer.
You feel that that your spouse is too concentrated on his\her own wishes and does not care for you. When you interact with your spouse, you are dejected when he\she does not listen to you.
A death knell to your relationship.
You no longer appreciate your spouse as he\she does not appreciate you. You have regular ego clashes. Gradually both lose interest in each other.
- Can this disinterest in each other be averted in marriage?
- Can you overcome the boredom you experience?
- Can the love you had for each other be revived?
The answer to all these questions is a big ‘yes’.
But it will not happen on its own. It needs mutual contribution from both.
When you enter into your married life you should shed your surreal expectations. You must understand that your spouse is an individual with his\her own uniqueness. He\she can never be a robot dancing to your commands.
Your spouse comes from a different family background and so there are bound to be differences. It is very normal. It should not make your married life exasperating and irritating. You should overlook the minor faults of your spouse and concentrate on his\her good points. You will definitely enjoy your marriage if you do so.
Do not keep treading on each other with no ‘me time’. Your nerves creep in tension when you do not have any time for yourself. There should be beautiful spacing between you to make your marriage work.
Spacing is a key ingredient for a good marriage. When you do not interfere in the personal zone of your spouse he\she respects you. This mutual respect is yet another needed ingredient for a good married life.
You should share some hobbies with your spouse so that there is something exciting to talk about. Do not always talk about family matters as it tends to make you anxious and nervous. Your conversation becomes boring, serious and argumentative. Talk about mild innocuous matters. It makes your interaction friendly and exciting.
Marriage should bind you together and not make you drift apart. You cannot expect the initial ecstatic love to sustain forever. It is very temporary! It is the mellow love you have for each other that strengthens your relationship into many years of happy togetherness.