Constructive arguments with your spouse is very much needed to make your relationship stable and worthy.
Arguments always makes you unhappy doesn’t it?
Then how can arguments be constructive and useful?
This is yet another tricky aspect of married life.
Yes! Marriage relationship is indeed tricky and intricate. Too much arguments makes your married life suppressive and oppressive. But no arguments makes your relationship overformal and unnatural.
Do you know that constructive arguments help your relationship overcome certain misgivings about your spouse?
Are you wondering how?
- Unless you argue with your spouse you never know the viewpoint of him\her.
- The constructive arguments you have with your spouse shows him\her what you feel about his\her behavior.
- It also throws light into aspects which makes your interaction tensed and stressed.
- It clearly conveys the message about what you like and dislike about your spouse.
‘The goal in marriage is not to think alike, but to think together.’- Roberts C Dodds
It would be a lie if you say that you do not have any arguments with your spouse.
Do you feel that you are so perfectly matched that you do not find any discrepancies in your relationship?
When two people from diversified family background unite to begin their life journey it is only natural that there are differences of opinion.
Even the most perfectly matched couples have arguments! But when your arguments turn into a broil it makes your relationship bitter. The agony and anguish you feel because of the unthinking and hurting words uttered can wreck your marriage.
The scar it leaves behind stays in your mind to make your interaction with your spouse heated and hostile.
Can your married life be devoid of arguments?
It is an impossible situation!
It is very natural for both to have the urge to put forth your thoughts- positive or negative.
This is where constructive arguments is needed to take the argumentative steam off your relationship.
But the trick of a constructive argument is fighting fair!
Do you fight fair with your spouse?
No! I am afraid you do not fight fair with your spouse. Sadly it is rare to see you fighting fair with him\her. You mostly concentrate on your wishes and inclinations when you start an argument. You want your spouse to behave and change as you want to.
‘Why don’t you do things like I do?’
‘Why don’t you listen to me?’
‘It is you who create scenes which irritate me.’
Can you see how your arguments are concentrated on your point of view?
Such self-centered arguments invariably develop into bitter fights between you. Your persistent unreasonable fights can make your relationship develop irrevocable cracks to eventually destroy your married life.
So, does this mean you should avoid arguments with your spouse?
No arguments can prove very dangerous to your relationship.
Suppressed feelings and emotions always erupt with the force of volcano- any day, any time. Bottled-up emotions are as bad as unthinkingly emoted feelings.
You are not two strangers living together who have to act artificially towards one another, are you?
You have a long married life before you. You cannot always tow the line of your spouse and keep mum. You will suffocate if you do so! Your spouse will never know that there is something about him/her which irritates you if you do not speak out.
This is where constructive arguments have a great say in your relationship.
When you are emotionally close to one another you do not have any reservations in voicing your apprehensions. You know your love for each other will not suffer just because you put forth your true feelings to your spouse.
Another trick in having constructive arguments is to avoid using foul language. It diverts the trend of your conversation- from solving problems to evoking problems.
When you use expletives with ease against your spouse, it makes your arguments look like street fights where decency takes a retreat.
Constructive arguments with your spouse is very much needed! Fight fair!
- You should have the patience to hear out the viewpoint of your spouse.
- When you listen, you too are listened to.
- When you feel the conversation slipping into an unyielding fight, you should apply the break.
- Never escalate family issues.
- Do not always make a big issue out of the minor faults of your spouse.
- It is really strange that you easily pinpoint the faults of your spouse, but forget to glorify his\her good aspects.
- Overlook the negative aspects of your spouse.
You should realize that there can be no victory for both when you fight bitterly against each other. All you do is lose your happiness.
Your relationship should lose the singular aspect of ‘I, you, me, and mine’. Induce the plural of ‘ours’, ‘we’ into your marriage. Watch your relationship evolve and mellow to give you incredible happiness and contentment. Constructive arguments can do the trick!