‘A son is a son til’ he gets a wife, but a daughter is a daughter all her life’ this quote by Emily Giffin is applicable to you also, isn’t it?
But you never really understood your mother before marriage, didn’t you?
You were never really the best of friends with her. You had lots of difference of opinion with her before marriage.
- ‘My mother interferes in my dressing\the way I do things\my friends.
- ‘She keeps on advising me about the qualities of a good woman as if I was good for nothing.’
- ‘She keeps comparing me with my friends and says I am not up to their standards’
Your list of complaints about your mother is indeed lengthy.
But your mother argues that she finds faults with you to correct your mistakes.
- She wants you to be brisk and active.
- She wants you to be more responsible.
- She wants you to listen to her.
So, in her eagerness to mold you, she stresses her thoughts rather forcefully. But you feel she is trying to take over your life. You don’t like it at all.
You feel your mother treats you like a nitwit. This is the reason why you are more close to your father than with your mother before marriage.
But you become a loving and emotionally close daughter after marriage.
The transformation in your relationship with your mother after marriage is a revelation. You feel very emotional about her. In fact your relationship with your father takes a back seat after your marriage.
It is because you instantly feel the vast difference in the behavior of your mother and your in-laws.
Your mother was selfless in her love. Your in-laws put on a show of care just before your husband.
Your mother never degraded you. Your in-laws make unwarranted and degrading comments about you.
You could take all sorts of liberties with your mother. You can take none with your in-laws.
Your mother expects only love from you. Your in-laws are very money minded and calculative.
Your mother is happy with the intimacy you share with your husband. Your in-laws literally fume with jealously.
Your mother was selfless in catering to all your needs.
- She knew when you were hungry.
- She cooked your favorite dishes willingly.
- She ironed your dresses.
- She bought you dresses you craved for.
- She fought with you but she also laughed with you.
You cannot dream any of this in your relationship with your in-laws.
After marriage, your in-laws expect you to look upon them as your family.
You are furious at this injustice thrust on you.
The vast difference between your mother and your in-laws
- You were looked after by your parents before marriage.
- But you have to look after your husband and in-laws after marriage.
- You were treated like a princess before marriage.
- You are loaded with household chores after marriage.
- You got up as and when you liked before marriage.
- But you have to get up early to do your duties after marriage.
- You made all sort of comments about your mother before marriage.
- Your in-laws make all sorts of comments about you after marriage.
- You can trust your mother to look after your children. You feel free to tell her to do certain things to them which you dare not with your in-laws.
Can you see the difference between your in laws and your mother?
- You now miss the pampering of your mother.
- You miss the luxury of getting up at your will.
- You miss her cooking.
- You miss her all compassing love.
- You even miss the arguments you had with her.
- She miss her ever-loving presence.
After marriage, you make all sort of adjustments with your in-laws. You overlook the uncalled for comments by your in-laws for the sake of your husband.
‘If my mother had said those words I would have yelled back at her’ you curse your all commenting in-laws.
You feel nostalgic about the sacrifices your mother made for you. You yearn for her relentless service for you.
These are the topmost reasons why you are close to your mother after marriage.
Your mother is your foe as well as your friend. A relationship you share with no one else.
She is your chef. She is your maid. She is your best friend. She is also a wonderful grandmother who looks after your children with dedication and love.
You can never expect these qualities in your in laws.
After becoming a mother yourself, you understand her maternal feelings much better.
She is the only person with whom you can unwind yourself.
These feelings are universal in every daughter. Once a daughter always a daughter. The umbilical cord connection with your mother can never be severed.