Disappointments in married life makes you feel completely upset doesn’t it?
You often have dreamy and unrealistic expectations about your spouse.
Dreams are invariably impractical, isn’t it?
‘This is not the married life I expected. I had great dreams about my spouse, but every dream I had about him\her has been shattered. My spouse has changed so much that he\she seems a stranger to me’ many of my friends have this complaint about their married life.
Might be you too have this disappointment about your spouse!
Who is the culprit for disappointments in married life?
You or your spouse!
Do you want a frank answer to this question?
It is your great expectations about your married life!
‘Expecting perfection inevitably leads to disappointment. A more realistic goal is for husbands and wives to work, learn and grow together.’- Kemmy Nola
Top disappointments in married life – Crushed expectations
When your spouse does not demonstrate his\her love as much as you expected you are totally disappointed.
You are tensed and stressed by responsibilities and commitments which you never thought existed in married life.
When your spouse does not support you during your problematic times you feel lonely and alone in your relationship.
When your interaction becomes boring, routine and dull you feel a rift between you.
When your spouse gradually becomes indifferent to your feelings you feel resentful towards him.
When your relationship lacks transparency and frankness you feel terribly hurt.
After marriage most of your expectations are shattered and battered.
You realize that your expectations about your spouse were dreamy and unrealistic.
Does this mean you should not have any dreams about your married life and your spouse?
That is quite impossible, isn’t it?
When you love a person and marry him\her it is very natural to have certain anticipations about him\her.
You build your dreams about your spouse according to your inclinations, whims and wishes.
The worst blunder is when you want him\her to change according to your anticipations.
How can your spouse be a replica of your dreams?
- He\she is an individual and so bound to have his\her own unique traits.
- He\she is not a robot to act according to your orders and aspirations.
Unless you accept your spouse for what he\she is your married life flops miserably.
When in love you interact with each other in excitement and enthusiasm. Your love days are always carefree and fun loving. It is only after marriage you realize you are entering into a different world. A world of responsibilities and commitments!
Responsibilities change your nature. You become serious and focused on fulfilling your duties. There are times when you are overwhelmed by the plethora of duties you have to fulfill. You feel strained and pressurized by the pile up of responsibilities in your relationship.
Your newly acquired responsibilities makes your interaction with your spouse very matter of fact.
When in love you did not have to demand the attention of your spouse. You got it spontaneously and instantly. You felt so loved and cared by him\her. But after marriage your spouse does not pay that much of attention on you.
It is at this stage that disappointment and discontentment slowly creeps into your relationship!
You are bewildered at his\her slightly indifferent behavior towards you. It makes you feel that he\she no longer loves you. It is not lack of love that makes your spouse seem uninterested to interact with you. It is his\her total concentration on his\her family duties that makes your spouse slightly sober and serious.
Disappointing social status, lack of commitment, indifferent attitude, stress and tension convert your expectations into disappointments.
You crave for great standard of living. You feel disappointed when you are forced to live a mediocre life of the middle class.
When you keep comparing your lifestyle with others you feel disappointed with your married life. The standard of living of others should never be a scale for your happiness.
What are other common disappointments in married life?
- You are disappointed when your spouse does not change according to your expectations.
- When you want your spouse to spend every minute with you, you are perpetually disappointed.
- You feel shattered when the frenzied love you had for each other does not last.
- You are disappointed when your spouse does not share your household chores.
- He\she makes you disappointed by being commanding and demanding – a completely different behavior from your dating days.
- There are lot of ego clashes between you. Topmost in the list of disappointments in your married life.
How to avoid disappointments in married life?
- Be practical and sensible.
- Realistic approach to your relationship is the only way to avoid disappointment.
- Do not expect cinematic display of love from your spouse. You will be disappointed.
- Even though he\she does not say it in words, you have to realize the love of your spouse through his\her actions.
- Understand that your spouse is an individual and so prone to be different.
- Be tolerable and adjusting.
- Do not imagine all your expectations will be fulfilled by your spouse.
- Your relationship needs reciprocal contribution from both to make your disappointment disappear.
Do your colleagues and friends behave in a way you expect?
But you are not at loggerheads with them?
You adjust with them.
You tolerate them.
You co-exist in peace with them.
Why is it so?
It is because you do not have dreams about them. You do not have expectations about them. You accept them as they are.
This is what you should do with your spouse also. The main success to your marriage is to accept your spouse as he\she is. Do not make much ado about the minor differences of opinion you have.
It is common in all marriages!
Do not thrust your ideas and thoughts on your spouse. Do not lessen your love for your spouse just because he\she is not what you thought him\her to be.
Disappointments in married life does not mean failed relationship. Be level headed and realistic. When you are rational you realize that your love days were days of unrealistic dreams. It is your married life which is very real and factual!
And so more genuine!