Handling your immature husband is a nightmarish experience you dread in your married life.
You need equal contribution from your husband to handle the never-ending family issues and problems. When your husband emotionally and financially supports you, you find it easy and comfortable to maintain your family. But this quality needs immense maturity on his part.
But suppose your husband is immature?
- He does not care for the family.
- He throws tantrums at the drop of hat.
- He is very selfish.
- He is too indecisive.
- He does not have aim in life.
- He is not accountable.
- He is not committed.
- He is financially selfish.
I was watching with fascination a bullock cart driven by two bulls. One bull was energetic while the other bull was lethargic and sluggish.
I could visibly see the energetic bull straining his muscles to pull the cart as he had to do the work of the lethargic bull also.
Well, this incident had connectivity with married life also, I told myself.
An immature husband is like the lethargic and lazy bull. He does nothing for the family. You are more like the energetic bull. You bear the brunt of all family responsibilities.
It is terribly upsetting when your husband does not share the family commitments. You hate it when you have to shoulder it all alone.
Very tough, isn’t it?
‘Infantile love follows the principle: “I love because I am loved. Mature love follows the principle ‘I am loved because I need you. Immature love says: I love you because I need you. Mature love says: I need you because I love you.’ –Erich Fromm
It is time you took firm action in handling your immature husband
1. Make him accountable
Your immature husband is never responsible. He does not think his duty to support you. He does not care for the family.
Can you let him have his way?
Never make this mistake.
The topmost action in handling your immature husband is to make him responsible.
Do you just let go because you feel too drained to make your immature husband see reasoning?
Do you play mother to him?
Do you feel protective towards him?
Common mistakes you commit as a loving wife.
Do you know your husband takes advantage of your kindness and understanding?
Make your immature husband accountable by making him share your family duties.
Allocate work that should be done only by him. It might be paying a bill or taking the children to school. He should do it.
Don’t be put off by his immature anger tantrums. It is one of his weapons to make you submit to him.
If you are not firm in handling your immature husband you have the torture of managing all family problems single-handedly.
2. Make him realize his mistakes
Your immature husband never owns up the mistakes he commits. He plays the accusing game to the maximum.
He has numerous feeble reasons to defend himself. He lists out your faults with ease. He coolly blames you as the cause for all family issues.
Tell him that he cannot take you for granted. Be very confident and assertive when you talk to him. If you cry and plead with him he relishes the fact that he has provoked you.
Never give in to his temperamental tantrums. Maintain stoic silence to his meaningless blah- blah about your faults. When he realizes that he cannot have his way, he slowly relents and comes your way.
3. Never allow him have his way.
Temperamental tantrums are his weapon to bring you down. He throws things around which makes you frightened. He yells profanities at the top of his voice that you cringe in shame your neighbors might hear it.
This is where you should act cleverly.
You need cleverness in handling your immature husband.
Do not relent to his tantrums. Loss of temper is his shame, not yours.
When he sees you do not buckle to his tantrums he is baffled about the ways to handle you. Your immature husband is all confused about your new-found assertiveness. It literally cows him down.
4. Turn deaf ear to his emotional blackmail.
Does your immature husband threaten you of dire consequences if you do not listen to his threats?
He threatens to divorce you. He threatens suicide. He threatens running away. He sometimes is never home.
Threatening you is his way of making you miserable and depressed.
Don’t be so.
He will not divorce you as he knows no one will live with him. He will not run away as he has no real friends who will tolerate his immaturity.
Act as though you never hear him. Be your own self. Your confidence unnerves him as he does not know how to handle you.
5. Be kind and also firm
You have a dual role to play.
Do not act high handedly with him. But do not be motherly to his faults.
The crucial thing you should do is to do your work and let him handle his own. When he threatens you with dire consequences completely ignore him. He will now understand that you mean business. He will finally do his work with whimpering cowardice.
Do you know you are one of the top reason for his immaturity?
When you are too protective towards him, he takes advantage of it. When you are too motherly, he is ever childish. Make him contribute his share of duties as a husband. You can now straighten your overburdened shoulders to finally enjoy some life for yourself.