How children save your marriage from failure? It is because they are the anchor of your relationship!
‘My husband has changed so negatively after marriage.’ my friend’s daughter was literally in tears.
‘What happened? I asked her with concern.
‘We fight for everything. We do not interact with each other. I feel so miserable in my married life. Do you know how many times I have thought of ending my marriage?’ I was shocked to hear her say that.
‘In fact there is nothing common between us except our children. I am with him only for the sake of their happiness. They love him, aunty. He might not be a good husband, but he is a good father. If I go in for divorce it will shatter their emotional security’. There was utter bitterness and resentment in her voice.
Her harsh statement about her married life astonished me. Their marriage was just ten years old. She and her husband married after a big struggle in convincing their adamant parents that they cannot be separated.
How soon they have lost their love? Very sad indeed!
Well! Married life is getting complicated day by day, I told myself.
In fact there are many couples who live an unloving married life just like my friend’s daughter!
Do you know the inner feelings of your children?
- Your children love you and your spouse equally.
- They want the emotional security of a united family.
- They never prefer living with a single parent.
- They become complex and difficult to handle after your divorce.
The love you have for your children is selfless and unconditional. You will do nothing to hurt them. This is the top reason why you adjust and live through your miserable married life.
Why do you find your married life very difficult to live through?
- Your interaction with your spouse is always demanding and self-centered.
- You become indifferent and uncaring towards your spouse.
- The love you had for each other soon loses its vitality and newness!
When you demand your rights vociferously your family life becomes chaotic and traumatic.
This makes your marriage slowly but surely drifts towards failure!
The anchor becomes your children!
‘People are looking for stability in a shaky world. They want something they can get hold of that’s firm and sure and an anchor in the midst of all of this instability in which they’re living.’- Gordon B. Hinckley
The mutual love you have for your children pulls your shaky married life from drifting too far away towards failure.
Can your children really help your marriage work?
Parental love is mutual to you and your spouse. You would do anything for your child, won’t you? Even living through your unhappy married life! You know that if you separate from your spouse your children will lose the emotional security of a unified family.
How many of you feel that it is your children who make your married life sustain the ups and downs of your relationship?
I am sure many of you feel the same.
How children save your marriage from failure?
- Your children are from you and so you feel a sense of belonging and responsibility towards them.
- You love them so much that you will do anything to make them happy.
- You live a selfless life to make their future secure!
- Your dreams are always about them.
- Your world revolves around them.
You would do nothing to hurt their feelings. You know that your separation could shatter them mentally and psychologically.
Does this mean your marriage survives only because of your children?
If this was the case why do couples with children divorce?
Why do many children suffer the trauma of a broken home?
Your marriage cannot survive without love. Your children can make you live in the same house but they cannot make you love each other. Love and care for your spouse should come from within you.
You feel stifled and revolted to live with your spouse whom you do not love anymore. But you stay in your marriage for the sake of your children.
In fact I know many couples who unwillingly stay together for the sake of their children. But as years go by they begin to like each other. Adjusting with your spouse for the sake of your children brings in many surprising and beautiful changes in your married life.
A conversation I had with my friend’s daughter made me realize that children tighten your relationship with your spouse.
‘I had a fight with my husband and I thought I would never be able to talk to him normally as he spoke words that hurt me too badly’ she said angrily.
‘What happened then’ I asked with a worrying look.
‘My son wanted to go to a theme park as it was weekend. I hated to go out with my husband because my hurt was deep. But I didn’t have the heart to disappoint my son. So I agreed to go with my husband. I didn’t talk to him and in fact I did not look at him’ she added.
‘Do you know the astonishing thing that happened when we went out? Unaware of our tension, my son involved both of us in exciting conversation about how much he was enjoying himself. Surprisingly his enthusiasm made me forget my bitterness towards my husband. We shared his fun and laughter! We were happy for him. He brought things back to normal between us’ she said with a bright face.
This is the effect your children have on your relationship. They form a bridge between you and your spouse. They call cease fire to your tense relationship.
How do your children help your marriage work?
- The playful antics of your children makes both happy.
- They lighten the tense atmosphere at your home.
- They form a bridge between you and your spouse.
- They cheer up the strained relationship you have towards your spouse.
- They become a common topic to interact with him\her.
When you adjust with your spouse for the sake of your children you gradually get used his\her character. You find lots of good things about your spouse you never thought existed. Surprisingly you become emotionally attached to each other.
Your children give your family an emotional umbrella which no other aspect of your relationship can give.
Your children are the connective element between both. Life without children can be barren and lacking in happiness. They hold your tottering marriage together! They act as oxygen to give life to your dying marriage!