Life after divorce can be tormenting and distressing.
Your mental peace is shattered when your marriage ends bitterly in the court.
When you married your spouse you thought your relationship would last till the day you live, didn’t you?
Strangely you are not.
Life after divorce is not as easy as you thought it to be.
My friend’s daughter recently divorced her husband. She quoted lack of compatibility as the reason behind her divorce. We advised her that marriage takes time to settle down. But she did not listen to us.
‘I will be happy when I get my separation from my husband. I have a good job. I am financially independent. I can look after my children on my own’ she was adamant.
Surprisingly after divorce she was very unhappy.
‘I cannot sleep in the night. I still cannot believe that my marriage has ended’ her face shrunk in anguish.
We did not say a word.
‘I now realize my husband was not a bad man. I could have adjusted with him. My children miss their father very much. I am unable to answer their probing questions’ she told us tearfully.
You think divorce is an easy way out of your miserable marriage. But in actuality you are plunging your life into uncertainty. Life after divorce can be very traumatic and unhappy.
You feel as if your limbs has been amputated. Your mind screams in agony that you could have adjusted with your spouse. Your mind rewinds your life with your erstwhile spouse. Now you find lots of good things about him\her. But your marriage has ended. There is no going back.
But your life after divorce is right before you. You have to live it. Be courageous. Have immense mental grit to reconstruct your life.
How to face life after divorce – 5 ways to ease your agony
1. YOUR CHILDREN ARE YOUR FIRST DUTY
Your children were in no way the reason behind your divorce. But they are most affected by your separation. Their life totally changes from a united family to a broken family.
Your children loved both their parents equally. They are utterly confused when they are forced to live with a single parent. They have all sort of doubts about what went wrong with your married life.
Today’s children are very shrewd. They want answers for their doubts.
It is always better to tell your children the reason for your separation. But do not add spice to your explanation. Be frank and friendly. Make sure you do not poison their tender mind against your erstwhile spouse.
2. DO NOT KEEP TRACKING YOUR EX
In spite of your divorce you would never let go your ex-spouse. You follow his\her activities in the social media. Your blood boils in anger when you see him\her having fun with the opposite sex.
You ask his\her friends about his\her whereabouts. You are anxious to know whether your ex-spouse is caught up in any new romance.
Never ever make this mistake. After divorce it is none of your business to track your ex. Just let go him\her. If you keep track of his\her activities you will be mentally disturbed.
3. DO NOT GET ENTANGLED IN ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP
Never get entangled in another relationship immediately after your divorce. Your decision will be highly emotional and impulsive.
When your emotions are raw you make all sort of mistakes.
You do not want another relationship failure, do you?
Always remember your children are the ones to be affected in the decisions you make in your life after divorce.
Are you going to make the life of your children uncertain by getting involved in another relationship?
Place your children in top priority. Do not let them feel lost and emotionally deprived in any stage of their life.
4. BEHAVE WITH DIGNITY WITH YOUR EX
What should you do when you happen to meet your estranged spouse?
Do not pick up fight with him\her. Your unhappiness will be renewed.
Be dignified when you talk with him\her.
If you feel the hurt is too much move away from the place.
Do not insult him\her publicly. Remember your ex means nothing to you.
5. BE FINANCIALLY SECURE
Money management holds the key to your financial security. Divorce literally throws you into deep financial mess.
Your money is halved but your expenditure is doubled.
Pretty hard on you, isn’t it?
You should be very judicious in spending money. You need money to bring up your children. The education of your children costs you money. So gear yourself up to be financially independent.
Life after divorce can be distressing. But you should be brave enough to handle it with courage. It is not the end of your life. Build up your life from the debris of a destroyed relationship.