Most of you take your marriage vows with great loving intensity on your wedding day.
I, ____, take you, ____, to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part.
In fact, your voice chokes with emotion as you read out the words of your marriage vow.
Words which sums up the very essence of marriage, aren’t they?
”The secret to a long and loving marriage is to choose, every day, to be married.” -Jacqueline Patricks
You easily discard your marriage just as you discard the unused and useless things in your house. It has become that cool. Marriage does not evoke much respect from the contemporary youth. The spurt of divorce among the modern couples is very alarming.
Does this mean marriage vows has lost its value in today’s modern society?
Marriage vows will never lose its precious value just because you do not attach great importance to it.
The concept of marriage has undergone such a drastic makeover that it has lost some of its sanctity. The characteristics of a man and a woman have also undergone a sea of changes.
Woman was shackled during the last generation. Marriage made her an unpaid maid. She had to look after her children and wait upon her husband, as he was the lord of the family.
She had no say in family matters. Her life was rather like an imprisonment with no freedom to do what she wanted to.
But how times have changed now!
Woman can no longer be taken for granted. She works hard for the betterment of the family. She has attained great financial freedom which was unknown to her yester sisters. She has become confident and assertive.
Husband needs the income of his wife to maintain good standard of living. But he feels she should be subservient to him. And his wife would never have it.
You want your spouse to behave according to your liking. He\she wants the same.
So, both clash and fight with each other as if you were enemies. This makes your relationship oppressive and heated.
Modern marriage has more and more demands for rights, and less and less of selfless contribution to make it work. When demands out numbers duties it becomes a worthless togetherness.
The values of marriage has changed drastically.
What was considered as wrong is accepted as right by the modern society.
- Children out-of-wedlock are very common.
- You indulge in extra marital affairs without thinking about its negative repercussions in your relationship.
- You fall out of love easily. So, you divorce within a bat of an eyelid. You never think about the emotional battering your children undergo.
- You have a lot of reservations about marriage. You feel apprehensive about the responsibilities and commitments that comes along with it. You just do not want to be embroiled in it.
- You prefer live-in relationship to marriage. There is no great commitment involved, you know.
- And you can get out of it as and when you lose your love for your live-in partner.
You have your own version about the meaning of marriage.
It is invariably according to your own very modern mindset. You think couples who value old traditions are not having true fun in life.
You are so confirmed that you are right that you do things which makes the institution of marriage a mockery.
You do not want to be committed to your marriage. You feel it makes your life a burden.
Then why do you marry at all?
Why do you plan your wedding with meticulous details?
You have become very casual about your life in general. You feel life is too short to be wasted on traditions and values. You want to enjoy your life to the full. Enjoying life to you means doing things you like. The things you like is often worthless and valueless.
It is true you cannot stick to outdated traditions.
But certain traditions in marriage might be old, but they are worth tons of gold.
- One man and one woman is a concept which will never lose its value until the world exists.
- Living together until your death is the ultimate respect you give your marriage vows.
- Your marriage can be an arranged marriage or a love marriage. It does not matter at all. What matters is that your married life should be happy and lasting.
- Live-in concept never has the sanctity and legality of a true marriage. When you are not married, your children suffer from tremendous emotional insecurity.
Do you know another unknowing mistake you make in your married life?
It is the way you behave with your spouse.
Are you a wife who clamors for equal rights in marriage?
You now venture out to work. You have attained great financial freedom which was unknown to your yester sisters. It has instilled in you self-confidence and assertiveness hitherto inexperienced by women.
You should indeed be assertive and confident to survive in this harsh world. But it also makes you commit many relationship mistakes.
- You think assertiveness means being logger heads with your husband.
- You have become too egoistic.
- You clamor for equal rights.
- You make a mountain out of small family issues.
The result is arguments and fights between both. You earn for your betterment and not to prove to your husband that you are superior to him.
Do you think it below your self-esteem to respect your husband?
You cannot have the love and care of your husband just like that.
- Be emotionally close to your husband to enjoy his true love.
- Respect him to make him feel worthy.
- Listen to him as this makes him feel that you value his opinion. Your husband needs it.
- Support him so that he feels emotionally secure.
- Boost up his ego so that his morale is energized.
When your husband feels that you love and trust him, the love he gives back is more than what you give him.
Are you a husband who feels your wife should be at your disposal?
You should acknowledge that times have changed. You can no longer command and demand as your yester year brothers did. Just like you, your wife has work related stress and commuting tiredness. So you cannot expect to please you always.
Can you imagine your plight without her financial contribution?
You cannot maintain a good standard of living. You cannot manage the cost of your children’s education.
What does your wife expect from you for all her contribution for the wellbeing of the family?
- She wants you to understand her tiredness.
- She wants your emotional support.
- She craves for your help in household chores.
- She longs that you share the draining work of looking after the children.
- She wants your appreciation.
This is not something you cannot do.
What does marriage vows teach you?
Support each other during the bad times.
Never leave your spouse when the going gets tough.
Never degrade each other.
Never throw away your marriage for silly reasons.
Respect each other.
Nourish your relationship so that it last until the day you live.
The needs of both are very simple and easy!
But you complicate your married life by being callous towards the feelings of your spouse.
This makes both feel used and neglected. So both revolt against each other. When you revolt, you argue with your spouse. When you argue your interaction becomes bitter. Bitterness against your spouse makes your marriage crumble to a premature end.
Can you now understand why modern couples forget their marriage vows so soon?
Conclusion about marriage vows
Marriage vows are sacred. It has absolute relevance to your married life.
Marriage vows should always be right from your heart. You should mean what you say. You should live your married life, as it should be.
Never overlook your marriage vows as formal and routine. It is not a ceremonial obligation. Follow the precious advice of your marriage vows to make your relationship strong like a rock to last ‘until death do us part’.