You often commit the mistake of mothering your husband, don’t you?
You feel that as a loving wife you should be more of a mother to your husband. So, you protect and shield him from all family problems.
In the bargain, you become so pampering that you make your husband irresponsible and undependable.
Why are you wrong in being a mother to your husband?
By mothering your husband, you literally make him careless, idle, and immature.
It is true caring and loving as a mother is an emphatic of a good wife. But when you overdo the motherly part, you will definitely rue it in the future.
If not now, years later you will face complications in your married life because your husband continuously demands being protected and pampered by you.
When you are mothering your husband, you make these mistakes
- You are protective to his faults.
- You defend his mistakes.
- You are at his beck and call.
- You let him off the hook in family issues.
- You do not rectify his mistakes, as you do not want to hurt his feelings.
- You protect him from family problems while he coolly hides behind your shoulders.
- You do not allocate him duties.
‘I am unable to cope up with family problems’ Sundari, my close friend regretfully told me.
We had been thick friends during our college days. After my marriage, I lost touch with her for many years. She gave me a surprise visit after eighteen long years.
I was surprised to see my friend looking haggard and fatigued. She looked much older than her actual age. She had lost her usual bubbliness.
‘Why do you look so tired and listless?’ I asked her worryingly.
‘It is because of my husband. I made the biggest blunder of my life when I mothered him’ Sundari sighed with regret.
‘Initially I felt happy that I was making the life of my husband comfortable by being a mother to him’ Sundari continued.
‘My husband has now taken full advantage of my motherly attitude. I handle the family finance issues all alone. I slog alone with household chores from early morning until late. I now find it impossible to handle the family with no support from my husband’ she smiled sadly.
‘He never bothers about family issues. Whenever I seek his support, he casually tells me to handle it myself. I should have made him accountable from the early days of our marriage’ she concluded wearily.
I felt sorry for her. She was a case of misguided display of love.
He will never realize his commitments towards the family, as you do not make him aware of it.
He will be the ever small boy, watching movies\playing video games while you slog with your never-ending family duties.
In the beginning, your husband feels loving when you fondly do all his personal work. But gradually his loving expectations become compulsive demands.
As years go by, your children are grown up. You have more household work to do. You struggle to balance between work and family.
But your mothered husband watches you without helping you.
You are forced to shoulder the total family problems on your already sagging shoulders. Inwardly you feel overwhelmed by your lone survival battle for your family well being.
But he will never come forward to share your problems as he is now used to your motherly protection.
You become overloaded by duties which is in fact the shared commitment of your husband.
Love your husband, intensely and ardently. But not at the cost of your mental peace and physical tiredness. When you are mothering your husband, he escapes from family duties.
Your husband should share your difficulties. He should be assertive and confident. He should shoulder your family burden equally.
Does this mean you should avoid mothering your husband?
It is not like that.
You can be a mother to your husband – As a mother who molds him. One who supports him. One who makes him understand his duties. One who motivates him.
Never make these mistakes by mothering your husband
- Never be a minion to your husband.
- Never protect him from his mistakes.
- Never shoulder all the family issues by yourself.
- Never make him a lifelong burden by being at his disposal, 24\7.
- Never be his sycophant.
- Make him understand his family duties.
- He should share all your family problems.
- He too should be equally responsible.
- He should give you instant emotional back up when you need it most.
- He should be supporting when you are stressed and tensed.
- Your husband cannot be commanding and demanding like a child.
Do you know a man easily finds his comfort zone when his wife supports his faults?
Conclusion about mothering your husband
A self confident wife makes her husband responsible and answerable. A pampering mother-like-wife makes her husband immature and negligent. The choice is entirely yours.