Are you over possessive about your spouse?
You often are. But you never know it.
You love your spouse intensely, don’t you?
Your spouse means the world to you. So you go all out to show the intense love you have for him\her.
In your eagerness to show your love you literally take over the life of your spouse.
Here are the repercussions of being over possessive about your spouse -Kills your marriage
- You cling to your spouse and demand all his\her attention- He\she suffocates with no personal space.
- You feel green with envy at the friendly interaction of your spouse with the opposite sex- It makes him\her irritated at your suspicious nature.
- You always question your spouse about his\her whereabouts- It makes him\her furious at your continuous spying.
- You do not allow your spouse any personal time- His\her mind screams for some spacing
- You try to control your spouse- He\she curses you inwardly in frustration and resentment.
Do you know you are doing incredible damage to your relationship when you are over possessive about your spouse?
‘I love my spouse so intensely that I cannot share him\her with anyone,’ you might well argue.
Do you think your attitude towards your spouse is caring and loving?
No, it is not!
‘Sometimes we get too possessive with someone we don’t even own. It is the side effect of loving too much and receiving too little.’ – Unknown quotes
When you are over possessive about your spouse it makes him\her feel annoyed and jailed.
‘I cannot bear to see my husband talking with his female colleagues,’ my friend’s daughter tearfully told me.
‘Why? They are just his colleagues, aren’t they? So obviously he must be friendly with them. Why do you want to be fussy about this?’ I smiled at her.
‘My husband behaves in a totally jolly manner when he is with them. But he never interacts with me like that. So when he smiles and laughs with his friends, I feel a burning sensation inside me. I love my husband very much and but he never understands it’ she further elaborated.
But her husband had a different story to tell.
‘I can never talk to anyone. She keeps checking my whereabouts and also calls me during work hours. She asks doubtful questions about my colleagues and I feel suffocated when I am with her.’
‘I cannot go out with my friends. I cannot watch my favorite TV shows. She wants me at her beck and call. She says she loves me to the skies, but I feel she is leeching me off my freedom’ her husband was resentful of his wife’s over possessive nature.
His wife is a classic example of over possessiveness.
Was my friend’s daughter right in the way she showed her love for her husband?
No, she was wrong.
It was not love which made her behave in such an unfair way. It was her insecure feeling about the love of her husband which made her clinging.
Is over possessiveness about your spouse a real display of your love?
Possessiveness is a beautiful emotion. It makes you feel belonged to your spouse. The feeling that your spouse belongs to you is very important for your married life to glow with love.
You do not feel belonged to any Tom, Dick and Harry, do you?
Let us suppose you are in a crowd.
There are many people around you and you do not feel emotional bond with any of them. But when you see your spouse you react in a different way.
Your eyes turn towards him\her, you smile at him\her and you move towards him\her. You instantly feel a sense of belonging enveloping you.
This is the possessiveness you need in your married life.
How does possessiveness contribute to your married life?
- It makes you sympathetic when your spouse is unhappy.
- It make you care for him\her.
- Your heart aches when your spouse is facing problems.
- You co-exist as couples and branch out as a family.
Without possessiveness your spouse is like a stranger who means nothing to you.
But what happens when your possessiveness crosses its border?
Have you seen the sea?
The vast area of water, the foamy waves and the sea green color never fails to attract you. You are overawed by the magnificent creation of God.
But the same sea becomes a terror when tsunami strikes. The water crosses the border and destroys everything on its way. Its aftermath is destructive and devastating.
It is the same with over possessiveness.
It literally destroys your happiness and peace of mind as your over possessive nature is always emotionally insecure.
‘He\she is mine’ is an emotional possessive attachment towards your spouse.
But ‘he\she is only mine’ is a destructive over possessive emotion.
Just because your spouse is married to you, it does not mean he\she can never have any personal desires or wishes. He\she is an individual and so entitled to his\her own freedom and liberty.
When you are over possessive about your spouse, you intrude into almost everything he\she does. Your married life becomes very oppressive and jailed. Your relationship has no freedom, no spacing and no individuality.
Your over possessive nature makes you indulge in asking doubting questions, spying and snooping. Your spouse hates it all.
- Forgo your over possessiveness.
- Do not be commanding, demanding and clinging. This makes your spouse withdraw from you.
- Proper spacing and freedom are essential for a good marriage.
‘Do not become possessive. The purpose of a relationship is to complement each other; grow together, and achieve your common goals as a couple. At the same time, you must each maintain your individual identity as a human being.’ – Ritu Ghatourey
Being over possessive about your spouse can never make him\her love you. Instead he\she distances himself\herself away from you because of your clinging nature.
The trick to a happy marriage is to balance between too little possessiveness and too much over possessiveness.
Too little possessiveness makes you lag behind in love. Over possessiveness makes you steal the privacy of your spouse. Both bad for your marriage.