You long to be a Good wife to your husband, don’t you?
More like his dream girl.
But mostly you find it impossible to fulfill the expectations of your husband as you never really know what he expects from you.
Is it very difficult to be a dream wife to your husband?
Of course not.
It is very easy provided you understand the expectations of your husband.
“Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.” – Kin Hubbard.
Yes!
As a Good wife you make the life of your husband easy and comfortable. And a comfortable and easy–to- live –with- wife is his dream girl.
The expectations of your husband in very male oriented. He needs your moral support more than anything else. He wants to be taken care of by you. He seeks a pillar of strength in you.
If you fulfill such expectations of your husband, he feels completely drawn towards you. Do not take the expectancy of your husband lightly as it is these essential characteristics which make you his dream girl
Here are the top 10 qualities of a Good wife your husband has in his mind!
1. You are easy to get along with
Your husband likes you when you are compatible. It makes him enjoy his married life.
What sort of a compatibility do you as a Good wife give your husband?
You co-exist in peace with your husband even though you have diversified thoughts about many things. You know that you cannot expect him to think and act like you.
You understand that your husband is not a Xerox copy of you.
You realize that both are different individuals with different wishes and desires.
When you respect the individuality of your husband, he adores you. When you value his desires, you become a wonderful wife in his eyes.
Do you willingly make compromises and give your husband easy companionship in your home?
He now feels you are his dream girl.
2. You do not nag
Your husband hates nagging. You make him furious when you keep on commenting about whatever he does.
Why do you feel like nagging your husband?
- You feel that your husband is irresponsible.
- You become resentful when he does not help you while you are slogging with your never-ending household chores.
- You are furious at the laziness of your husband.
- You are unhappy when he does not listen to you.
So, you keep listing your complaints from morning until night when he is at home. Your poor husband hates it.
Why don’t you behave differently?
Has your husband done something wrong?
Advise him mildly and leave it at that.
Remind him to do a certain thing once. Don’t keep on reminding him every second as you normally do.
Don’t make much ado about his mistakes
When you have these qualities, he is content that he has married a Good wife.
3. Giving him enough spacing
A man is a man, whether he is married or not.
Your husband is very protective about his private space. He likes to do whatever he is passionate about irrespective of whether you like it or not.
An outing with friends.
A day of sports.
Even lazing around the house watching his favorite shows on TV.
These are things he likes doing. Do not expect him to be at your beck and call always. Let him have his own space once in a while.
A Good wife never intrudes into the private zone of her husband. Be it.
4. You are always smiling
Your husband likes you when you are smiling and pleasant.
‘How can you expect me to keep on smiling when I have a never-ending work load?’ A fair enough argument from you.
You have heavy work load at your work place, don’t you?
You go about your work with a smiling face and show yourself as a cool and composed person.
Then why is it you are always edgy when at home?
It is true that home is your unwinding place and you cannot put on an act to show yourself as a robotically smiling wife.
Do you know that your husband is completely put off when you raise your voice?
You can never make your husband listen to you when you are shrewish. But you can make him listen to you when you say everything with a smile.
5. You are capable of overcoming family problems
Your husband as a man is basically carefree. He lives for the day and does not have the capacity to look beyond it. He cracks under the pressure when problems creep up in your family.
Your husband finds it impossible to handle family problems. He feels his duty ends when he earns for the family.
Rather a selfish of him, isn’t it?
But it is a harsh fact that your husband lacks your competence to manage your family.
He feels comfortable when you manage household commitments so that he is not burdened by family issues. He adores you as a Good wife when you handle family problems with confidence.
6. You have a great sense of humor
Do you have excellent sense of humor?
Do you take the teasing of your husband in the right spirit and keep smiling?
He feels absolutely comfortable with you.
Your husband likes it when you crack jokes. He feels good when you laugh with him. He adores it when you share his sense of humor.
You make his time at home pure fun- a dream girl quality.
7. You look after your home with care
Do you know that a neat and organized home work wonders on his frayed nerves?
Are you aware of the fact that your husband links your love with the way you keep your home neat?
Is your home littered with things strewn around?
Is your furniture coated with dust and grime?
Is your kitchen sink overflowing with unwashed dishes?
Your husband feels his nerves creep in anger and irritation.
But his tiredness and fatigue disappear when he sees his home looking clean and sparkling.
8. You are always presentable and well groomed
A man always looks for visual treat. Your husband is no different. He wants you to look well-groomed at home also.
Your husband feels a twinge of revulsion going through him when he sees you looking sweaty and grimy.
Look gorgeous before him. He cannot take his eyes off you.
A small, but effective tip to be a Good wife is to look presentable at home.
9. You boost his ego
As a man your husband is egoistic. When you bruise his ego by comparing him in lesser light with others he is frustrated and angry.
But when you appreciate his ability, he loves you.
When you admire his small success, he feels energized.
When you do not brag about your success, he likes it.
10. You are supportive
Do you know that your husband is vulnerable and sensitive to family problems?
Though your husband is physically strong, he is mentally weak. He drastically needs your support when he is depressed and dejected.
Your husband is also easily pulled down by problems and issues he faces in his workplace. A supporting hand on his sagging shoulders is all that he seeks from you.
He might be in the wrong, but do not aggravate his mental tiredness by blaming him.
When you support him without any reservations, he feels secure and sheltered. Be the first person he seeks when he is stressed. It is your winning shot as a Good wife.
CONCLUSION
‘Successful marriage is an edifice that must be rebuilt every day.’ – André Maurois
Support your husband in his times of need. Give him warm shoulders to lean in his times of stress.
Smile lovingly at him when he is tired. Be seductive to his male needs. Be motherly to his childish cravings. Be an excellent cook to his hungry stomach. Now you are easily his dream girl.
Are you the dream wife of your husband?
Or do you feel he expects too much from you?
Share your feelings!
AKUDO ALOZIE says
lovely, need more of this in my email address.
Mathi says
Akuda,
Thank you for your support. You can have all the updates if you subscribe for free.
Dakani says
I feel more bitter after reading this post.why is it every time a woman needs to compromise in the family.ofcourse I believed In olden days women were dependent on their husbands for everything.but these days most women have become independent,they get married because they want a companionship not because they want to worship their husband and his family.Im married I have tried everything I can to be responsible as a wife but I’m sorry I hate the concept of we women we have to compromise Everytime.
Amruta says
Seriously??? .
More like FORGET yourself and live to make HIS life comfortable. Be presentable (point 8 , really?? Twinge of revulsion?) , do all chores by yourself (point 2 – of course I’ll hate if I’m the ONLY ONE slogging out of us 2) , point 7 – if he is living in same house, it’s BOTH’S responsibility to maintain cleanliness.
Neenu Mary says
If there was a like button to your comment, I would have totally clicked it.
Somehow I do feel sorry for whoever penned it though, poor thing shouldn’t have had to try so hard or believe this was the mile she had to take to be a good wife or ‘his dream girl’.
While i could agree to certain point to an extent, the rest sadly reeked of desperation, and a lot of ‘giving’ while a healthy relationship is based on a balanced amount of ‘give & take’ between the couple.
But then, each to their own.
Clifford says
It is amazing how much women do not understand men. A woman who does all of these things will motivate a man to do more to EARN and be worthy of what she is giving him. What you all are talking about is a room mate, a coworker and a sister.. When your husband starts seeing you as either of those three things your marriage is OVER!
Nan says
Hi Mathi,
Is there a place I can personally email you?
Thank you!
Mathi says
Hi Nan,
My email address is mathisurendran@gmail.com
Nan says
Mathi,
With all the negative comments, women who don’t understand where you’re coming from – I just want to commend you for writing such content. I am young, been married for 5 years, not an older women going by the “old way of doing things” And i’m here to say being this type of woman is not “FORGETTING yourself and living to make his life comfortable” It’s actually where dignity and confidence is found 🙂 I treat my man like a king and he treats me like a king. I lived for several years with an old boyfriend with the thoughts of “this is 50/50 – he needs to do more, I matter too, what about ME ME ME” You know where that left me? Alone and lonely. When I married my husband, I vowed to him and God to respect him and live to be his helpmeet. And I did just that. These top 10 qualities describe me now.
And guess what ladies… I am totally fulfilled. I have the largest sense of “self” I’ve ever had. I’m HAPPY, joyful, friendly. I pick my battles and am not controlling. And in return my husband gives me spa days, freedom with our finances because he trusts me. Asks my opinion before he does things. feels safe with me emotionally to tell me his struggles, Takes me into consideration always. He doesn’t distance himself because of all the emotional turmoil of being a What About Me & My Feelings?! Type of woman..
I would encourage you to heed her words <3 and wish you the best!
Thanks, again Mathi!
jenny says
its a shared relation ship they both have to do the work
Thomas says
I am a man, seeking to be a good husband and also to speak up when things are not going well. I have been too passive over time and was hoping/praying my wife would “wake up” and care about being a woman.
We are seeing a counsellor several times recently, have been married over 15 years. I feel there is some sort of ‘wall’ or darkness that is fighting us. I recently said some critical words out of frustration, loneliness, discouragement, etc. I am a man, and it hurt my wife.
Much of it revolves around a pursuit of comfort vs. quality. I am by nature a precision person, like to have things clean, organized, done well, such as cleaning up the kitchen every night so it is clean for the next day.
My wife says I am too rigid and critical, our home does not have to be like the parade of homes, her laundry on the floor is so she can wear that later, and seemingly endless excuses for picking up after herself. Perhaps our ‘roles’ are reversed in this manner. To me, routine maintenance is better than large cleanups.
One large problem, a very large problem, is appearance. I know, I know, appearance should not be the most important thing in marriage; however, it IS still important. I can’t lie anymore to say it doesn’t matter.
Every day I get up, shower and get clean, dressed, ready for the day, whether I am going to work or not. If I’m doing a home project I may put on old clothes since they’ll get dirty.
We have a child in elementary school, good natured, easygoing, good kid.
My wife chooses her typical clothes as a T-shirt that is a full size too big, no bra, men’s underwear or boxer shorts, long compression socks, and crocs shoes. She looks about as ‘unfeminine’ as possible. When I have mentioned it, she lashes out in anger that “I should be able to wear whatever I want in my home….” etc.
She also dresses like this when she leaves the house and I am embarrassed to be seen with her. I mentioned that at a counsellor appointment and she got very angry and cried. When we go out to eat or church, she looks significantly better – it is night and day. But the other days really wear me down.
Well, I see this as a problem because she dresses like that 7 days a week. For several years. It is hard to spend time with her. She does work one day per week. When she goes to church or work, or an appointment, she looks far nicer than the ‘typical day.’
Seeing my wife do everything possible to be unattractive every day has made me feel discouraged, unloved, depressed?, and angry. The times I carefully have tried to bring it up I am attacked vehemently.
She tells me I should just love her as she is, God loves her, she is fine with how she looks. She did not dress or act like this when we dated or married. To me it looks like she doesn’t care and she’s given up.
At the counsellor appointment I said that, and she got fired up and attacked me, saying she just wants to be comfortable every day. Also she has been suffering with Estrogen dominance/hormones disruption for several years. I get that, I try to be understanding, but to dress way down every single day is crushing for a man, and even more to not care about it.
I want us to be good. When you are in marriage, I believe each of us should take good care of ourself, because that shows love to our spouse. I have been praying for breakthroughs and healing.
I have not spent as much time with her as she wants with talking, date nights, walks, etc., but it is HARD to do that when she doesn’t care about her appearance. When I mentioned it, she told me, “I am not going to dress up like Barbie every day!” But I said I just wanted her to pursue good, it didn’t have to be 10/10 perfect.
I appreciate all prayers and insights. Is this “normal” for a woman to dress down so much every day?” She repeatedly says she is not depressed, that she is fine with how she looks, but man, it sure looks like bad if I was to do that. Thank you.
Mathi says
Hi Thomas,
I can understand your problem. Being presentable does not increase love, but it increases the volume of attraction between you.
And your relationship needs love as well as attraction.
As you say, the role has been reversed in your life.
It is usually men who are shabby and unkepmt at home.
In your life, it seems to be your wife.
Why is your wife disinterested in making herself presentable?
Seeing a therapist will in no way help you, unless both overcome your own relationship pitfalls.
Have you appreciated your wife when she looks good?
Women like to be appreciated.
I am sure your wife too will not be different.
Do you know the common mistake most men make?
They are not appreciative. They are not emotionally supportive. They do not display their love frankly and openly.
When you do not practice any of these most needed qualities a wife expects in her husband, it is natural she just lets her appearance go.
Communicate your love openly to your wife.
Appreciate her appearance when she is looking good.
Help her in her household chores.
Take her for shopping and buy her good dresses.
Do not make your wife feel that you think her to be dowdy and dull. It will only aggravate the situation.
You say that you have been married for 15 years.
Was your wife disinterested in her looks in the initial years of your marriage also?
You will need tons of patience before you make your wife understand how much you want her to look good.
What I am apprehensive is about the harmonal imbalance of your wife. It might be the reason behind her flare ups.
You should understand that also.
Women can be loving and caring. But they can be very adamant also. I think all you can do is be patient and hope your wife will change.
Dianne Dill says
I recently got together with my college sweetheart, love of my life. we were engaged but I was behind him in school and then had a car accident right when I should have graduated. He didn’t wait for me because he was going to war and wanted to married NOW. so we never married but just as I never forgot him he never forgot me. We were soulmates. I never married. he was not happy in his marriage and since there were kids involved I chose not to communicate with him when he told me he wanted to leave his wife, mother of his children. I believed that coming between his family was not a good idea and that if he chose ultimately to be with me then he would do so when the time was right. He finally divorced his wife but he was a good catch and I was very busy with my career so she manipulated him and got him to marry her. Now 30 years after marrying his second wife we met and picked right up where we left off. We are both retired now, children grown. I don’t know what he will decide to do but I know that financially a divorce would be devistating for him. I have never met anyone that I click with like this man. He doesn’t want to let go of me but I don’t want to live in shadows….What should I expect Men have never treated me well. He treats me like a queen. I could live in a shadow for a while but I want to live with him for whatever time we both have left openly and honestly and happily as we both deserve.
Mathi says
Dianne,
It is sad that you are facing such a situation.
You say that your college mate treats you like a queen.
I am sorry to say that everything will change after you marry him.
He has lived with his wife for 30 years. That is quite a long time. He is prepared to leave her for you.
This he could have done before marrying her.
No one can be manipulated. Unless your boyfriend willingly allowed himself to be manipulated.
Now he wants to link himself with you.
To me, it does not sound advisable to continue in this relationship. You will be left tremendously hurt, as things you expect will not happen if you marry him. Men change after marriage. And the changes are not something you will like.
By now, you must be knowing what life really is.
Your boyfriend will treat you like a queen only before marriage. And not after marrying you.
This is my advice. But your life is your own. Only you can decide about it.