What exactly does seven stages of marriage mean?
Your love is hazy in the initial stages of your relationship. But as you go through the seven stages of marriage your love matures into distinctive love.
How do you feel in the initial stages of your marriage?
You are thrilled by the proximity of your spouse. Your attraction towards each other makes your married life very euphoric and ecstatic. Your days are spent in caring attention and lovely togetherness.
‘The difficulty with marriage is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.’ –Peter De Vries
How good it will be for your marriage if this honeymoon period of love continues throughout your life?
Sadly, it won’t!
The seven stages of marriage takes you through different emotions.
Let us assume that your marriage is a few years old!
- Why is it you have a bored look in your face?
- What happened in between that makes you feel so exhausted and drained in your married life?
The answer is simple!
Your attitude towards your spouse undergoes many changes. You change according to the problems you face in the various stages of your marriage. Your opinion about your spouse turns topsy-turvy and you are not that sure about him\her.
It is really fascinating to walk through the seven stages of your marriage- more like watching a thriller, you know!
1.The first stage of attraction
This is the most wonderful period of your married life.
- You are physically as well as emotionally attracted to your spouse.
- The days you spend together are full of fun and delightful discovery of each other.
- You laugh a lot and you are very indulgent towards each other.
- The mistakes or faults of your spouse do not seem a big matter with you and you overlook it very easily.
You cannot wait till you return from work as you want to spend all your free time with your spouse. You find her\him very attractive.
‘I am very lucky to have married her\him’ is your confirmed opinion. You thoroughly enjoy this stage of your marriage. But these days are very short lived and will never return back in your life.
2. The second stage of mild disappointment
The passion in your marriage slowly disappears. You begin to feel that your spouse is not that perfect. Minor differences crop up between you. You frequently argue with him\her. There are lots of aspects of your spouse you find exasperating and irritating.
Why are you infuriated with your husband?
- He is shabby
- He slurps loudly while eating
- He leaves things strewn around the house.
- He snores loudly in sleep
- He does not say ‘I love you’ any more.
Why do you find your wife a tedious bore?
- She is not that attractive after all.
- She is not feminine
- She talks a little too loudly and is bossy.
- She is too concerned with her looks but does not care to keep the house neat.
- She is more than ready to nag about your innocuous mistakes.
- She leaves the bathtub clogged with hair and you are irritated by her piggish habits.
These disappointments make you edgy and frustrated. You are miserable that you have hurried into a marriage with someone who is not suited to you. You conversation slowly loses its passion and mild arguments start to crop up.
3. The third stage of arguments and difference of opinion
Now you are confirmed that your spouse is not the person you loved. Your tastes differ too much and you both cannot agree very easily on anything.
- ‘He is a wet blanket’ your wife is confirmed.
- ‘She is a shrew’ your husband feels about you.
- You have difference of opinion in everything.
- You are an introvert while your spouse is an extrovert. You want quiet while your spouse is garrulous and talkative.
You always want to prove you are right and your spouse is always wrong. You want to drive home your thoughts and argue with your spouse unreasonably.
There is a resultant verbal backlash from him\her and your ego will never allow you to own up your mistakes.
The most traumatic of the seven stages of marriage.
4. The fourth stage of commitment
You now have children and you have to think of their future. You have to maintain a good standard of living and you now proudly own a house, swanky cars and many other materialistic luxuries. There are the financial commitments to be met .
Both put your heads together and discuss about the means to meet your responsibilities.
Life now has become mechanical and business like.
You want to give the best to your children and you work hard to achieve your target. You become emotionless and robotic.
There is no laughter at your home. Whenever you talk with your spouse you are very matter of fact and your conversation are very mundane.
5. The fifth stage of disharmony
You are flooded by added commitments. You are terribly stressed and tensed to fulfill these responsibilities. You feel that you are facing the brunt of the problems while your spouse has coolly withdrawn from it. Your mind seethes in anger and frustration and thinks that your spouse is callous and irresponsible.
Your love no longer shines, but flickers in its last stages.
‘I live with him\her for the sake of children’.
You are always edgy and irritated at the problems that seem to plague you. You both play the accusing game to perfection. You are sure that you are the martyr of the family.
6. The sixth stage of reconciliation
You now accept that you cannot get out of your marriage.
‘My focus is my children and I must stay with my spouse to make them feel emotionally secure.’
You go out as a family to make your children happy.
You cannot always keep fighting before your children, can you?
So you maintain the stalemate of being tolerant towards your spouse.
You do have arguments, but you also interact with your spouse for the sake of your children.
Your children become the anchor of your marriage. You now reconcile yourself to your spouse.
7. The final of the seven stages of marriage – rediscovering lost love.
Your children grow up and leave you to lead a life of their own.
You are dazed by the practicality with which your children depart from you to begin a new life.
Now you are alone with your spouse and you look at him\her with rediscovered love. You feel you have wasted your married life in petty arguments and had hurt each other unnecessarily.
You now realize that though your children are from you, they are not for you.
‘It is he\she who will be with me till the day I live. How could I have ignored him\her all through these years? How did I not know about her\his importance in my life?’
‘If only I have the chance of living my married life again I would shower her\him with love and I would make it the best thing that happened to me’.
You feel agonized about the lost love days with nostalgia and look at your spouse with renewed love.
These seven stages of marriage are unique for its individuality and the lessons it delivers to you. Be prepared to travel along with your spouse throughout these seven stages so that you understand the true meaning of love and adjustment in marriage.
If you let go your marriage in any of the early stages, the distinctive and emotional seventh stage of your marriage will not be yours.
It is a period of mellow love of compatible companionship between both. Your aged mind and body realizes that your spouse is the unwavering companion of your life.