The super power of encouraging your spouse is a wonder tool that works magic in your relationship.
‘Encouraging your spouse is like oxygen to your marriage’ told my eighty year old mother who had great interest in marriage relationship.
‘Really! How do you say so’ I asked her.
‘Well, in marriage relationship the craving for emotional support is predominant. When there is no support from your spouse your married life loses its liveliness and sparkle. Couples forget that the oxygen to their relationship is encouragement,’she said affirmatively.
‘Being supportive and encouraging when your spouse is triumphant is very normal. Almost all couples do it! Your encouragement and appreciation when he\she is victorious gives your spouse only superficial happiness. In fact he\she does not feel anything special about your support!
‘Why is it so?’ I was bewildered with her reasoning.
‘Because your spouse is already fulfilled and satisfied at the level of accomplishment he\she has achieved’ she further elaborated.
‘Do you know when your spouse needs real encouragement from you?’
- ‘It is when he\she has his\her back to the wall.’
- It is when he\she is facing persistent failures.
- It is when he\she is emotionally shattered.
Well, her eighty year old experience was talking words of gold!
‘We live by encouragement and die without it – slowly, sadly and angrily.’ – Celeste Holm
The super power of encouraging your spouse!
When you encourage your spouse at his\her moments of depression, his\her morale is boosted.
Your encouraging words when your spouse is facing persistent failures motivates him\her to try again and again for his\her success.
Does your spouse come to you with his\her problems?
Do not thrust it aside as none of your business. Encourage him\her that he\she has the capacity to overcome any problems. It makes your spouse feel that he\she too can be successful.
Without encouragement you\ your spouse feel lonely and all alone in your relationship even though you live in the same of house.
When do you need encouragement from your spouse?
- Did you have a very bad day in your work place?
- Did your boss give you a tongue lashing that made you feel very downcast and depressed?
- Are you facing persistent failures in your life?
- Have you done something wrong which eats into your conscience?
- Do you feel your confidence dipping below the danger level?
What do you want most at this time of your frustration and depression?
A few words of encouragement!
Your friends\relatives might encourage you. You are thankful to them when they have a few kind words for you. The comfort they give you is momentary and you revert to your misery when you are back home.
But being encouraged by your spouse is entirely different. It makes you feel emotionally secure and stable in your married life!
Do you know that emotional security can work wonders in your marriage?
When your mind is crumbling inside in agony and shame you feel your world crashing down. You need emotional support! You need encouragement! You want someone to say you are worthy and not worthless.
What if that someone was your spouse?
You feel you are the luckiest person in the world! What can give you more pleasure and satisfaction than the feeling that your spouse supports you when you in the doldrums.
But sadly in modern marriages you do not get any encouragement from your spouse.
Why is it so?
Married life has become very taxing and tedious as you have to hurry about in search of money. You are always tensed and stressed as the competition in your work place make you edgy and nervous. Your mind is focused on your own problems. Your spouse is also focused on his\her problems.
You do not have the time and energy to be supportive and encouraging to your spouse. Both feel lonely when you do not get the support of the other. In fact you make the situation worse by being accusing and demeaning. Both make the other feel worthless and useless. Both crumble inside in unshared anguish and misery.
Why do not crave for encouragement from your sposue when you are successful and triumphant?
Your victory acts as an energy booster to you. Your spouse is very happy to share your limelight. He\she likes to be a part of your success. Your spouse finds it easy to be supportive when you are successful. In fact he\she basks in the glory of your fame.
But what happens when you are defeated and financially browbeaten?
- There is an about turn in the attitude of your spouse.
- Your spouse blames and accuses you for your downfall!
- He\she is not supportive and encouraging.
- He\she feels uninterested to interact with you.
You feel totally shattered that the person who means so much to you does not have a word of encouragement for you. It is a harsh truth that in modern marriages your spouse holds your hand only in your success and victory.
How will you feel when your spouse encourages you in your low times?
- When your spouse holds your hands in your defeat and smiles at you in care, you feel you can conquer the world with his\her support!
- When he\she supports you with words of encouragement you feel overwhelmingly fulfilled in your relationship.
- It makes you lovingly inclined towards your spouse.
- It brings incredible happiness in your married life.
- His\her encouragement makes you energetic.
- You feel you have married the best person in the world.
It is a morale booster! It is an ego booster! It is a relationship booster!
It is sad that you never know the power of encouragement in your relationship.
Do you know your encouragement gives energy and verve to your married life?
It makes your spouse feel worthwhile and valuable.
How should you encourage your spouse?
- Words of comfort and appreciation do a world of good to his\her sagging morale.
- Small loving physical gestures make your spouse feel completely encouraged by you. A warm hug, mild clapping, an affectionate pat or a proud smile deliver millions of encouraging messages.
- A thoughtful gift to show your appreciation means a lot to him\her.
The encouragement your wife needs!
- She must feel that you value her contribution towards the family.
- She must feel that you notice her talent and beauty.
- You should make her feel that her opinion in family matters means a lot to you.
- You must show that you value her intelligence in family decisions.
The encouragement your husband needs!
- You must make him feel respected
- He must feel that you appreciate his contribution towards the family
- His male ego must be boosted.
None of these are difficult!
Why do you keep your lips clamped to utter words of appreciation and encouragement to your spouse?
But how is it you are instant in degrading him\her?
It is sad that married life is becoming very mechanical and money focused. You strive relentlessly to earn lots of money to maintain a good standard of living. It is all fine! But money and status just gives financial security to your family.
It is encouragement and appreciation that make your spouse feel special about you. Do you want to be a special and exclusive person in the life of your spouse? Encourage him\her! It is a wonder tool of happiness to your marriage!