The topmost reason for your child temperamental tantrums is YOU. Surprised, aren’t you? You find it hard to believe that your child behaves violently because of you.
You are shocked when your child suddenly yells and screams in front of relatives\friends. Your cajoling aggravates his\her screaming. Your stern warning is coolly ignored by him\her. Your child becomes so unmanageable and unruly that you feel ashamed. You do not know the ways to control him\her.
How does your child show his\her temper?
- He\she screams at the top of his\her voice
- He\she rolls on the floor in adamant anger
- He\she throws things around in unmanageable fury
- He\she pulls your hair and dress making you disheveled
- He\she sometimes uses expletives which makes you feel shameful
Why does your child show his\her temper in such an aggressive way?
- He\she wants to have things done his\her way
- He\she feels you control his\her liberty too much
- He\she is bored and wants to attract attention towards him\her.
- Your partiality towards his\her sibling makes him\her jealous.
How do you feel when your child goes into a fit of angry temper?
You feel ashamed at the open show of unruly temper by your child. When you try to pacify him\her, he\she increases the volume of his\her voice making you cringe inside in frustrated anger.
The topmost reason for your child temperamental tantrums is YOU
Are you wondering how?
- You do not give your child your attention and care.
- You do not spend quality time with him\her.
- You pamper your child with costly things which is unneeded at his\her age.
- You are more concentrated on your work related tension.
- You shove him\her away from you when you are fatigued and tired.
- Your interaction with your child is very routine and unloving.
- You never listen to his\her tiny woes.
- You order him\her to do things your way.
- Your voice is harsh and emotionless
Do not think that your child is too small to understand your attitude towards him\her. Your child is so intelligent that he\she feels your love and also your indifference. Your love makes him\her feel cared by you. His\her young world instantly comes under an umbrella of emotional security.
Your indifference makes your child feel unloved and uncared by you. He\she shows his\her resentment against you as angry temperamental tantrums.
You vehemently cry out that you love your child. You say you make many sacrifices for his\her betterment. But unless you make your child understand your love, he\she feels restless and impatient.
Today modern children have lots of gadgets unheard off by the yester generation children. They have more worldly exposure than them. They are more intelligent than them. Nowadays a two year child knows how to download video games.
Very surprising, isn’t it?
But very dangerous also.
Today your child lives among gadgets, video games and internet. They do not live with your loving companionship.
Do you tell them moral stories?
You do not!
Do you teach them the good and bad of life?
You do not!
My mother taught us about what is good and bad when we were small children. We were told not to steal, not to tell lies, not to insult elders and not to crave for other people’s things.
But what do you tell your child today?
- You tell him\her to study well to get a good job
- You instruct him\her to earn lots of money
- You warn your child to be more intelligent than his\her friends
- You also instigate your child against people you dislike.
You drill your child about the need for money. But you never guide him\her about the way to behave. So your child grows without knowing what is good and bad.
Your indifference and impatience are the top most reasons for the temperamental display of your child.
How to deal with the temperamental tantrums of your child.
- When you are punishing and harsh it makes your temperamental child more aggressive and violent.
- If you are instant in fulfilling his\her demands, he\she learns the trick to blackmail you by misbehaving.
- Explain to your temperamental child how he\she should behave.
- Do not make him\her deprived of your love.
- Listen to his\her tiny woes.
- Explain to him\her why you are unable to fulfill his\her wish immediately.
- Do not give in to his\her tantrums easily.
- Ignore him\her if he\she extends his misbehavior.
My mother was never strict with us. She never beat us. She never scolded us. But we instantly obeyed her.
It was because she spent quality time with us. She made her love for us explicit.
When you do not spend quality time with your child, he\she feels unloved and lost.
Don’t ever think that your young child does not feel anger and resentment.
Your child is as emotional as you.
His\her temperamental tantrums are actually childish display of his\her frustration and deprived love.
The resentment of your child is different from that of an adult anger. Whereas you display motivated anger, your child innocently displays his displeasure by being temperamental.
My daughter was very mischievous when she was a kid. But we were very indulgent parents. We gave her all the freedom at home. We treated her equally even when she was a small child. We never yelled at her or used expletives. We demonstrated our love very openly. But we also told her about the good and bad of life.
Do you know how she will behave when she stepped out of the house? She would so obedient that most people assumed she was a very quiet girl.
So parental love also has a lot to do with the behavior of your child. If you spend quality time with your child he\she feels emotionally secure.
A child has a unique way of knowing the pulse of his parents. He feels unloved when you do not appreciate him\her. He\she is angry with you when you vent your anger on him\her.
The mental attitude of a child is very tender and soft. You should handle him\her with affection. But one word of caution. Do not pamper him\her with costly things to show your love. He\she grows up without knowing the value of money. Do not give him\her too much pocket money as he\she does not know how to use it properly.
Handle your temperamental child with love. But make your child understand that you would never bow to his\her violent show of anger. You have to mold him\her into a good child.
How do you do it?
By being a dutiful and attentive parent. Be your child’s role model.