Do you want to know the topmost reason why couples fight over money?
Your arguments with your spouse is invariably about money.
Is money that powerful?
Yes! The power of money in your relationship is awesome.
Do you know that money can make or break your marriage?
‘We treat money only as a commodity to buy things we need. It is love that is the foundation for our relationship.’ you retort vehemently back.
You are absolutely right when you say that without love your marriage can never survive.
Then why do you argue with your spouse about money?
Because without money you cannot survive in this harsh mercenary world. You need money for your day to day existence. It is a magical force that secures the financial aspect of your family.
‘We earn lots of money, but we also fight a lot over it. I wonder why! Instead of giving fulfillment, money is the number one cause for arguments between us’- I am sure most of you feel so.
Are you wondering why money becomes such an argumentative topic with your spouse?
Here is why!
- Do you love shopping? You adore it don’t you? The market is flooded with things you had always wanted. Might be a dress, a watch, or shoes, whatever! When you earn a lot you also want to keep yourself updated with the latest things the world market has to offer. Nothing wrong, is there?
- Are you parents’ dependent on you for financial support? You want to help them financially don’t you? You are indeed duty bound to help them!
- Do you like to save money the way you want to? You want to invest your hard earned money in bonds, shares or mutual funds. Anything which you feel will give good returns back.
Are you able to do all these personal wishes without asking your spouse?
Or do you have to ask him\her permission before you spend your hard earned money?
Do you have to allot all the money you earn for the family?
Don’t you have your own personal money?
‘My spouse says that there are many family commitments and it was selfish of me to even think of having personal money’.
You are trapped into an emotional blackmail of family commitments by your spouse.
Now your fight over money begins!
Topmost reason why couples fight over money!
There are mutual family commitments which you must share with your spouse. After all you earn for the betterment of your family! You cannot forgo your duties just like that!
But you are an individual with your own crazy likings and wishes! You become frustrated when you earn lots of money without being able to spend a penny on yourself. You have your own wishes and desires- wanted or unwanted. Your marriage will in no way make you completely withdrawn from your individuality.
‘Why should I ever earn money when I cannot have some of my own?’ is your vehement retort.
Very, very natural anger indeed.
Without personal money you feel deprived and useless. You argue and fight with your spouse when your small wishes are denied.
Your own bank balance is an essential ingredient for a happy married life. It is the same with your spouse.
You should have no say in his\her private money- he\she can save, spend, and help as he\she wishes. No questions asked!
Never overlook this intricate aspect in your money dealings.
What exactly should you do to fulfill your duties without forgoing your individual pleasure?
Eighty percent of what you earn should be pooled for mutual financial commitments of the family. The rest of twenty percent should be only for you!
You deserve that much for yourself don’t you?
That twenty percent of money in your purse takes so much stress and tension off your relationship. You now have the power to spend as you wish without forgoing your duties.
This is the right way to handle the money you earn.
You fulfill your duties and fulfill your wishes too!
Why has this craving for personal money assumed such power in married life?
Money was always needed even during the last generation. But yester generation had less desires than what you have now. Today the scenario has completely changed. What was a luxury yesterday had become very needy today.
The world market is flooded with things you crave for.
Trendy dresses, swanky cars, modern gadgets and latest electronic goods are right before your eyes, luring you to buy it. You compare your lifestyle with that of others and feel very lacking. So you crave for lots of things to keep pace with others.
When marriage applies brake to your spending the initial feeling of loss occurs. When you have to account for all the money you earn, you are frustrated and bitter that your personal wishes are blocked and banned by your spouse.
You will eventually feel lost.
You should have a frank discussion with your spouse and plan a budget wherein the income of both is allocated for essential family commitments and expenditure.
Some percentage of your earnings should be for your personal desires. Your spouse has no right over it and you have no right over the personal money of him\her. Never snoop about the spending of your spouse. Do not check his\her bank balance.
Basic niceties of your relationship, you know!
‘Money is like love; it kills slowly and painfully the one who withholds it, and enlivens the other who turns it on his fellow man.” – Kahlil Gibran
Believe me, this personal money and the liberty to spend it as you wish has a big positive effect in your married life! It takes tons of tension away from your relationship. The respect for your spouse grows because he\she understands your personal cravings.
The sting in your relationship caused by your lack of money goes away because of the simple fact that you have something for yourself in your kitty.