Do you know enjoying enough togetherness in marriage is the key to incredible relationship happiness?
Unless you enjoy excellent togetherness with your spouse, you cannot really relish your relationship.
- When you are together in all the ups and downs of your married life you become emotionally closer to your spouse.
- Unless you spend quality time together you cannot nurture your relationship.
Does togetherness in marriage mean you should cling to each other in the name of love?
I enjoyed incredible togetherness with my husband. We were more of friends. We enjoyed watching TV together. We did gardening together. We always looked forward to the early morning coffee we had together.
I thought we were a perfect couple as we always wanted to be together. But I was in for a shock when we went shopping together to select a sari for me.
Like a typical woman I was not satisfied with the saris the salesman showed me. I kept asking for some more saris to be shown.
‘Can’t you pick up any one sari? We have been here for an hour and still you are not satisfied’ my husband hissed in anger.
Buckling under his impatience I picked up a sari which did not satisfy me that much.
My husband knew that I was unhappy on being forced to buy a sari which I didn’t like.
‘You would have enjoyed your shopping if you had gone alone’, my husband told me.
I didn’t reply as I still hadn’t got over the disappointment of having to buy a sari I didn’t like.
‘I think we should not go together to places where we do not have any common interest.’ my husband consoled me.
I could see that he was speaking the truth. I instantly agreed to his suggestion.
We decided to give each other that much of freedom to satisfy our personal desires without treading on each other. It worked fine with us.
He never came with me when I went for my personal shopping as he knew he would be bored to death.
He was a very religious man. He believed in visiting temples in auspicious days whereas I thought praying at home was good enough. He never forced me to come with him. ‘Pray for me also’ I would say and he would smile warmly at me.
This spacing and the respect for each other’s individuality made us even more loving and happy.
Why did we crave for some privacy in spite of our love for each other?
Unless you have enough freedom to do things you like, you cannot enjoy your married life. When you spend all your free time together, you feel suffocated and bored.
‘But let there be spaces in your togetherness and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.’ – Khalil Gibran
Can a plant survive when there is no spacing in between plants?
It cannot. There should be spacing to allow the plant to spread out its roots. If there is no spacing, its growth is stunted until one day it dies a slow death.
It is the same in your relationship. Your marriage also needs spacing.
How will you feel if your spouse breaths down your neck 24\7?
How will you feel when you have no time to fulfill your personal needs?
You will suffocate with boredom. Without personal time to do your own thing you feel lost and bored.
Does this mean togetherness in marriage is unnecessary?
Not at all.
Your togetherness in marriage means a lot. Your marriage cannot survive if you do not spend quality time together.
How will you feel when your spouse stays away from you when you have problems?
You feel lonely and uncared.
How will you feel when your spouse supports you instantly and spontaneously in your times of need?
You feel emotionally bonded to your spouse. This is true togetherness in marriage.
Unconditional love of your spouse makes your marriage thrive. Spontaneous support of him\her is like manna to your relationship.
Most of you think that togetherness means spending all your time with your spouse.
You are wrong.
When you force yourself on your spouse, it builds unnecessary resentment and anger in your relationship. When you intrude and interfere in everything your spouse does, he\she hates it.
Togetherness in marriage should not affect the individuality of both.
- How will you feel when you have to mingle only with the friend’s circle of your spouse?
- How will you respond when you are forced to do things you do not like?
- How will you react when your spouse literally clings to you giving you no time for yourself?
- What happens when you do not have personal enjoyment or relaxation?
You gasp for a whiff of liberty in your married life. Without your own personal time you cannot enjoy your marriage.
This is where spacing comes handy in your relationship. It makes you feel less stressed and tensed. You should be emotionally together, but with enough spacing between you.
Is spacing all that important in your relationship?
Yes! Yes! Yes!
Why should there be a dividing line in your relationship?
- You are an individual and your spouse is an individual.
- You have a different taste and your spouse has a different taste.
- You need your own personal time and your spouse needs his\her own personal time.
Giving spacing and freedom to your spouse to be his\her real self leads to incredible happiness in your married life.
It makes your marriage more meaningful and relaxed.
Be together in joy and sorrow. Be together in victory and defeat. Be together in financial well-being and financial downfall. But take a step back to let your spouse enjoy some personal moments also.