The life of a single parent is very responsible as he\she has a double edged duty –More like a dual role.
A mother and father combined into one huge responsibility.
When I lost my husband I was dazed when I thought of the mental agony of my daughter. Her father was a doting parent and she was very close to him.
Can I take the place of her father?
Will she miss her father too much?
The very thought that I had to shoulder my parental duties single handed made me overwhelmed with desperate worry. I was emotionally upset. My heart felt heavy with misery that this was happening to me. I felt I was in a hopeless situation.
But I knew I could not afford to be meek and emotional. I geared myself up and took a vow that I would be a father and mother to my daughter. She was just seventeen when she lost her father. Now she is married with an adorable baby girl.
Do you know I am now her best friend?
She always tells me that I am more of a friend and sister to her than a mother. I think this is the best compliment I received from her.
I won as a single parent.
Are you a single parent because you have lost your spouse?
If you have lost your spouse the emotional stress of your child is very less. Your child understands that you are a single parent because his father\mother is no more. He\she does not develop any complexities as he\she grows up as a normal child under your loving care.
But are you a single parent because you divorced your spouse?
The emotional upheaval of your child is tremendous. He\she feels depressed and miserable to live with a single parent. Your bitter divorce makes your child dejected that his\her emotional security has been crushed by his\her own parents.
Divorce has become very common in modern marriages. The mental torture children undergo when they are forced to live with either the father or mother is unimaginable. But you never care. You are ready to be a single parent rather than adjust with your spouse.
Gear yourself up to be an understanding single parent.
Top 10 qualities of a good and understanding single parent – Dual role!
1. DEMONSTRATE YOUR LOVE
Do you demonstrate your love for your child emphatically?
You are making a grave mistake. Your child feels unloved and uncared when you do not show your love openly.
- Appreciate his\her talents.
- Never be harsh with him\her.
- Do not thrust your mental stress on your child.
- If you make your child emotionally upset his mind automatically switches to his\her other parent.
- He\she thinks that his\her father\mother would be more understanding and loving than you.
2. DO NOT POISON YOUR CHILD AGAINST YOUR SPOUSE
Do you vent your anger against your divorced spouse by telling negative things about him\her to your child?
You blame your spouse as the reason behind the divorce. You inflict hatred against your former spouse in the mind of your child. You say abusive things against your spouse. This makes your child unhappy because he\she loves both his\her parents. So never do this.
- Be courteous to your former spouse when he\she comes to visit his\her son\daughter.
- This makes your child respect you.
- Give them some privacy.
- Do not stand in guard as if your former spouse had plans to abduct your child.
3. DO NOT REMARRY IF IT WILL MAKE YOUR CHILD UNHAPPY
You owe your responsibility to your child. You have to think of him\her before doing anything in your life.
Are you planning to remarry?
Is your child against it as he\she cannot accept another man\woman as his father\mother?
- You should realize your child cannot instantly and immediately change his\her mind.
- So your first duty is towards your child.
- You were responsible for his\her birth weren’t you?
- Then your life should center on him\her.
- Do not be self-centered and marry again without thinking of the mental torture you are inflicting on your child.
4. SHOW YOUR CHILD YOUR ABOSOLUTE SUPPORT
Understand that your child feels very lost when he\she sees his\her friends enjoying their time with their parents. It is only natural your child feels lonely.
- You should instantly fill in the loss he\she feels.
- You should show him\her that you are always there to help him\her.
- You must console your child when he\she is depressed about living with a single parent.
- You should also be confident so that he\she draws courage from you.
5. TEACH YOUR CHILD GOOD MANNERS
Bringing up your child as well disciplined and well behaved is a hallmark of a good single parent.
- You must teach him\her good manners.
- You should be a role model to your child – He\she imitates you.
- You must make him\her assertive and confident.
- He\she must be taught the goodness of sharing.
- Your child must also be taught to respect elders
- You must tell many moral stories to your child so that he\she understands what goodness in life means.
Your child will never learn good manners unless you teach him\her.
6. BE THE BEST FRIEND OF YOUR CHILD.
Your child needs your friendly interaction more than anything else.
- Do not spend your time before the computer\mobile ignoring your child.
- You should ask your child about his\her day in school\college.
- You can share your experience in your workplace with your child.
- Your interaction should be fun so that your child looks forward to it.
7. PAMPER YOUR CHILD WITH LOVE
- You should remember his\her birthdays.
- Make it very special for your child.
- Invite your child’s friends.
- Your child has good fun when his\her friends are there.
- You should never be a strict and preaching parent.
Be a pampering single parent who can fill in the role of a father\mother with ease.
8. SWEET TALK WITH YOUR CHILD
Most parents never use endearments when talking with their children.
Never commit this mistake.
- Your child loves it when you use endearments.
- Do not order your child about- He\she hates it.
- You should end your sentences with endearments like –sweet heart – darling- honey.
Tiny words, isn’t it?
But conveys your love in an incredible manner.
9. TAKE YOUR CHILD FOR VACATIONS
As a single parent you have to look into all minute aspect of parenting.
Never confine your child within the four walls of your home.
- Your child craves for the fun time he\she had when you were with your spouse.
- Never let your child compare his\her present life with the family life you enjoyed together.
- Take your child for vacations. The change in place makes him\her happy and relaxed.
10. YOU SHOULD BE STRICT WHEN THERE IS THE NEED.
- Do not give in to your child when he\she tries to dominate you.
- Do not give in to his\her unreasonable demands.
- Do not buckle under the emotional blackmail of your child.
- Teach your child the value of money.
- You should be strict when there is a need for it.
- You should explain reasonably why you do not like his\her behavior.
Being a single parent can be challenging psychologically and emotionally. Make yourself positive to cope up with the additional burden of being a two in one parent. Be confident and inculcate confidence in your child also. Balance your mind and thoughts. Now you can easily tide over the sea of duties as a single parent.