Who is a good parent?
Most of you assume that buying costly things for your children give you all the qualifications of a good parent.
This is where most parents falter. Buying costly things can never make you a good parent.
‘I buy my son whatever he asks me. I never care about the cost of what he asks. But yesterday he accused me of being a bad parent. I felt terrible,’ my neighbor was literally in tears when she told me this.
She had a high profile job. She and her husband were professionally very well off. Their son was their whole world.
‘What made him say so’ I asked her.
‘He tells me that I am a callous mother who does not truly care for him’ she chocked.
Though I was sorry for her, I could understand the viewpoint of her son. My neighbors were very ambitious. They were always very busy. After returning home they were glued to their laptops while their son spent lonely hours playing video games.
‘My parents would return home late. I would be eagerly awaiting to talk to them. But they always complain that they are too fatigued to talk. They would be either before the TV or the laptop. They don’t even know what I like or dislike. They buy costly things which mean nothing to me’ her son had told me.
Who was in the fault?
Was it their son who never understood their love?
Or was it my neighbors who felt their duty as a good parent was only buying whatever their son asked?
It was my neighbors who were in the fault. There was no doubt that both loved their son dearly. I knew they were working themselves threadbare to make his future secure and bright. Yet another quality of a good parent.
But where did they go wrong?
Like most parents they thought that money could replace their absence. They wrongly assumed that their son would understand their work pressure.
Complete lack of good parenting.
To be a good parent needs lots of patience and understanding.
Top 5 qualities of a good parent! You need it!
1. The ability to understand!
What do you do when you interact with a toddler?
You do not stand up to your height and talk with him, do you?
You go down on your knees so that the child could see you eye to eye, don’t you?
It is the same with your grown up children also.
Do not compare the behavior of your children with that of your matured mindset. Never make the mistake of passing negative judgment about them. They hate you for this.
So stoop to their level to understand their world. Make them realize that you want to help and guide them and not to dominate them. They hate domination in any form from you. Your interaction with them should be friendly and open. They like you for this.
2. Give them liberty.
Do you want your children to tow your orders to the dot?
This is when your children begin to revolt against you. You never realize that your children are individuals with their own views and ideas. They can never be your Xerox copy.
How can it be any different with your children?
Let them experience the world their way. Mistakes will make them evolve into an intelligent and mature person. Don’t stunt their mental growth by your unwarranted interference.
When you give them freedom their respect for you grows. Take a step back to allow them enough space to be their natural self. This quality is the topmost ingredient of a good parent. But very rarely found among most parents.
Sad, isn’t it?
3. Spend quality time with them
Most of you never know the importance of communicating with your children. You think ordering them about and telling them to do this and that is what interacting with them is all about. The real gateway to gain the love of your children is when you spend quality time with them.
Many of you are confused as what quality time is all about, aren’t you?
You feel your duty as a good parent is achieved when you talk with them. Not at all. Your children have all sorts of doubts. They do not open out with you if you are very strict and stern with them. They feel comfortable to talk with you only when you are friendly with them.
Small talk with them about movies, film stars and their favorite sports. Laugh a lot with them. Be humorous. Be kind and understanding. Make them feel you are a very loving and good parent.
4. Do not preach to them!
Do not expect your children to be afraid of you. Understand that they have better knowledge than you. They also have greater exposure than you. So it is only natural they feel that they know better than you. This is the reason they argue with you for almost everything. It can be quite nerve wracking when your children back answers you.
But do not preach them about how obedient you were in your younger days and how insolent they are. They do not like it when you keep telling them about what is good and what is bad. Let them learn from their mistakes. Wait till they come to you for your guidance.
5. Do not spy on them
This is yet another mistake you should never make. Spying on your children makes them wild with anger at your distrust. Checking their mobiles, asking their friends about their activities is a big no. They hate it.
You should trust your children. It is the greatest qualification of a good parent.
Does this mean you should not keep an eye on them?
Of course you should have an eye on them. But do not make it too obvious. When you know their activities are harmless and normal leave them to have their youthful fun.
When you feel something is wrong, voice your apprehensions in a reasonable manner so that they want to listen to you.
Parenting is an art. You do it the right way, you get the love and respect of your children. You do it the wrong way, they retaliate with venomous vengeance.