There are times when you marry for wrong reasons.
I am sure you would not agree with me.
‘I marry the person I ardently love’ you vehemently defend yourself.
Then why does your marriage plunge into failure?
- It is because you sometimes select the wrong person.
- You marry for the wrong reasons.
- You marry in haste and repent in leisure.
Do you want an example?
I went to meet my friend after a long gap. I was bewildered to see her looking haggard and aged.
Where was her beauty?
Where was her vivaciousness?
My eyes searched for her husband. She looked at me with a wry smile.
‘He is not here. I do not know how I married him. He will be home after midnight fully drunk. It happens daily’, she choked with angry frustration.
‘Why? What happened? You were so happy when you married him’ I was bewildered at her sorrow.
‘Do you know I knew that my husband was an alcoholic before I married him?’ she elaborated.
I could not believe it! It was astonishing that she had married him in spite of this.
‘Then why did you marry him?’ I was mad at her foolishness.
‘I convinced myself that my love would change him. But I learned the bitter lesson that you cannot change a person unless he changes within himself. Now my life is a nightmare as I live with an obsessive alcoholic’ she was inconsolable.
What made her commit such a blunder?
My friend was carried away by her blind emotional love!
Are you like my friend?
When in love you have no time to analyze the future of your relationship as you are in a hurry to marry the person you love, irrespective of whether your marriage would work or not. You overlook the fact that marriage is a lifelong relationship!
Why are you emotionally driven to marry a person not at all suitable to you?
Do you feel you can change your spouse for the better after marrying him\her?
‘Then should I be calculative about whom I love?’ your question is very credible!
It is true that love is as divine as God! And marriage is indeed sacred!
But the wrong person you marry for wrong reasons can make a mockery of the sanctity of your marriage.
Top 5 wrong reasons to get married!
- Thinking that social status does not matter at all
It is true that love does not see whether the person you love is rich or poor.
Marriage is all about love, isn’t it?
But in practicality married life is entirely different.
Vast difference in your social status can make it very difficult for you to adjust with your spouse after the initial newness of your marriage wears away.
Suppose you are from a very affluent family and your spouse is from a very poor family.
- The mediocrity of your spouse makes you fume with frustrated anger.
- The drudgery of the place you live in make you shudder in irritation.
- The commonplace food you eat makes you long for the lavish food you are used to.
- The paucity of money makes you furious.
- Your poor living style make you tense and edgy.
You are forced into a lifestyle you are not used to. You now long for the luxury you were brought up. Though you try to adjust with your spouse your superior upbringing makes it impossible for you to stoop to a low level of living.
Everything about your spouse looks very dull and mundane after a few years of marriage. ‘He\she is not up to my standards’ this thought shows the blunder you made in marrying a person well below your status.
You should refrain from getting married if you have any doubts that your huge difference in social status would intrude in your relationship.
When the freshness of your love wears off, you feel cheated and defeated to have got into a relationship which had no hopes of survival from the day one of your marriage.
2. Sexual attraction
Do you feel sexually attracted to your spouse?
- When he\she has swashbuckling looks you are totally enamored by him\her.
- You feel attracted to him\her.
- You feel heady and exciting to be with him\her.
- His\her physical attributes pull you to him\her.
You want to marry him\her at any cost. You feel thrilled when people say you have got a ‘good catch’. You mistake sexual attraction as love. You wrongly assume that good looks and attraction can make your married life throb with excitement.
But after your marry you realize very late that outward appearance has nothing to do with happiness in marriage.
How long can sexual attraction last?
Just a few months!
After few years you are no longer attracted by the looks of your spouse. When you marry for physical attraction your relationship is like standing over a quicksand. Your marriage is eventually swallowed by the whirling differences you face with your spouse.
3. Thinking that you can change your spouse for the better.
Are you in love with a cheat? An alcoholic! A Casanova! An abject pessimist! A sadist! A shrew!
Do you think you can change him\her with your love?
Do you feel a martyr?
‘I will change him\her with my love!’
Then you are in for a shock!
Your spouse who listened to you before marriage now refuses to listen to you after you marry him\her.
How will your marriage survive if he\she does not change for the better?
You become a nervous wreck for marrying a wrong person. Such diversified characteristics cannot survive together for long.
4. You want to be financially well off!
Can you marry for money?
- You want to be affluent and well off!
- You want all the good things in life!
- You feel the only solution to your financial problems is to marry a rich man\woman.
You think your married life would be fulfilled if you marry a rich person.
You do not want to live a mediocre life of mere survival after marriage.
Do you think marrying a well off person will solve all your financial problems?
Sadly money cannot make your marriage work. Without love your relationship can never survive. Do not be smug that your rich spouse would be willing to pool you out of your financial problems. He\she might never do that.
Money can make your married life financially stable. But it has no guarantee to make your relationship loving and fulfilling.
5. Marrying on the rebound
Has your love failed?
- Do you feel completely lost and lonely?
- Do you meet a person who strikes an emotional chord with you?
- Do you feel emotionally inclined towards him\her?
- Do you think him\her to be your savior?
- Do you marry him\her without thinking whether your love is true or not?
Impulsive marriage never works! Marrying on the rebound is a sure loser.
You are right when you say that you cannot be calculative to select the person you want to marry. But alarm bells are always around you to warn you when you are in danger of ruining your married life.
Never be blind to the wake up calls which cries out loud that you are marrying a wrong person for wrong reasons.
Listen to the warning alarm! It is worth listening! Wait for the right person! It is a worthy wait!