You are stunned when I say arguments are good for your marriage, aren’t you?
You always think that arguments make your relationship bitter and hostile.
Yes!
You are right in feeling arguments are bad.
But you are also wrong in feeling arguments can do only harm to your relationship.
Are you confused now?
Kindly bear with me.
Do you argue with your spouse at the drop of a hat?
You are doing it wrong. Your persistent arguments will make your spouse drift away from you.
Do you use abusive words when arguing with your spouse?
Yet another mistake from your part. It makes your relationship bitter and unpleasant.
Do you extend your arguments for days, as you want to make your spouse the culprit?
Again, you are wrong. You are virtually destroying your marriage.
Can you see how you are doing it all wrong by using your arguments as a weapon to destroy your marriage?
Now, let us look at the right ways to argue with your spouse.
Do you argue to pinpoint the mistakes of your spouse?
You are doing it right.
Do you argue reasonably without making your spouse feel bitter?
Again, you are right.
Arguments are part and parcel of almost all marriages. You cannot do without it. In fact, you must have arguments in your marriage.
Are you surprised?
Don’t be.
‘Say what you mean. But don’t say it mean’ Andrew Wachter
Arguments are good for your marriage. You will find out why, when I elaborate.
1. It makes you feel better
It is normal to feel angry with your spouse. There are times you do not like what he\she is doing.
Suppose you suppress your anger because you do not want an unnecessary argument between you. When you suppress you anger, it does not disappear.
It is stored in your mind as sediments of resentment against your spouse. You fume inwardly in dislike at your incapability to express your anger against him\her.
Your stored anger has a volcanic effect. One day it bursts out to spill out lava of disgust against your spouse. He\she is taken aback that you had so far been storing resentment against him\her.
This creates untold misunderstanding in your relationship.
But, suppose you are frank about your differences with your spouse. You only argue with him\her about the reasons why you dislike what he\she did.
Your resentment against your spouse ends then and there. You no longer feel pressurized, as you have let off your steam. Your spouse also clarifies his\her stand. This does away with tons of misunderstanding that might otherwise arise between you.
Can you see why arguments are good for your marriage?
2. You understand that you cannot take your spouse for granted
Your marriage takes time to settle down. The settling down process is full of confusions and conflicts between you.
You forget that your spouse is an individual and so bound to be different. You want him\her to do things the way you like. When you take for granted that your spouse should tow your line, he\she does not like it. Likewise, you too feel angry when your spouse takes you for granted.
Naturally arguments break out between you. When your spouse never minces his\her words, he\she directly shows how much he\she dislikes being taken for granted.
This is actually your wake up call to know that you are making a dangerous relationship mistake. You immediately rectify your mistakes before it destroys your marriage.
Yet another reason why arguments are good for your marriage.
3. Arguments brings in intimacy
Arguments always makes you regret the words you spoke against your spouse. You never intended to hurt his\her feelings.
When you finally realize that your arguments had inflicted a deep wound in the mind of your spouse, you instantly want to make up with him\her.
You want to prove your love in no uncertain terms.
You take your spouse out. You buy him\her surprise gifts. You console him\her. You apologize for the wrong words spoken by you.
And finally your making up ends in excellent sex between you. You enjoy it even more as it is the aftermath of an argument.
4. You change for the better
In the initial stages of your marriage, you never really understood your spouse. This makes you impatient. And you are also not tolerant towards his\her minor faults.
You often argue with your spouse to tell him\her your piece of mind. He\she also does the same.
You would be surprised to know that it is your arguments that finally has the settling effect in your marriage.
As years go by, your arguments makes you understand the likes and dislikes of your spouse. You gradually become more patient and more tolerant. This change in your behavior towards your spouse makes positive changes in your relationship.
5. Your arguments bring in trust
Suppose you do not argue with your spouse. Your spouse does not know what is going on in your mind. It makes your relationship secret ridden. Your interaction has no transparency.
Lack of transparency brings in distrust into your relationship.
This is the reason you should argue with your spouse. Your arguments open up your mind to him\her. When you argue reasonably with your spouse, you are frank and open about your thoughts to him\her. This brings in the much-needed transparency in your relationship. Transparency finally builds trust into your relationship.
CONCLUSION
Can you see how arguments are good for your marriage?
But, it does not mean you can argue for petty reasons with your spouse. This will destroy your relationship. Always fight fair. Always have constructive arguments. A simple way to build your relationship.
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