Chronic illness of your spouse has a devastating impact in your married life.
Your relationship undergoes drastic changes when your spouse becomes sick. Your marriage loses its fun and laughter. Your total life changes so much so that you feel lost and miserable. Your agony in seeing your loved one suffering from a dreadful illness emotionally shatters you.
My personal experience
I speak from my personal experience.
When my husband was diagnosed with kidney failure, I literally felt the world crashing at my feet.
The bed ridden days of my husband was a living hell to me. I still do not know how I lived through those traumatic days. It is a horrible nightmare to me to this date. So, I can understand how terrible you must be feeling to see your loving spouse suffering from chronic illness.
You have to be brave
But, you cannot let your pitiable situation take toll of your energy and hope. You need it drastically to see you through your trauma. If you lose hope, you will lose your ability to look after your sick spouse.
You have to be brave and courageous at this phase of your life. Otherwise, you will literally chip under the pressures that keeps piling on you.
The agony you undergo
Your total married life changes drastically. You spend more time in the hospital than at home. The consistent visits to the hospital drains your morale. You feel lost and wretched.
“Why has this to happen to me?” you ask yourself this question an umpteenth time. But you will never know the answer. I asked myself this question a thousand times when my husband fell sick. I never got an answer to it.
The frequent visits to the hospital can demoralize you. The monotonous voice of the doctor reeling out cold medical factors about your spouse will crush your energy to nothingness.
This is not the end of your agony.
You have to look after your children also. Your heart aches with anguish when you are unable to spend time with them.
The chronic illness of your spouse makes you financially depleted as you lose his\her income. Your family now depends upon your sole earnings. Your spending increases two-fold as you have to deal with all your family’s financial commitments on your only income.
It is easier said than done, isn’t it?
I know you feel that you don’t deserve such a misfortune in your life. You become emotionally charged and curse your fate for tearing your peaceful marriage into pieces.
It’s one thing to show your love for someone when everything is going fine and life is smooth. But when the ‘in sickness and in health’ part kicks in and sickness does enter your lives, you’re tested. Your resilience is tested. Patti Davis
Are you worried sick about the ways to handle the chronic illness of your spouse?
Be mentally strong
You have no other go than gear up all your mind power to handle the grave situation you find yourself in. If you buckle under the immense pressure you face, you will never be able to live through your bad luck.
Never become disoriented with worry. When you are obsessed with fear and misgiving about the recovery of your spouse, you become psychologically sick. You cannot afford to feel paralyzed with misery as you have tons of duties to fulfill.
Bring forth all your inner strength to give you moral support. You need absolute confidence to sail through this terrible phase of your life.
Make your sick spouse feel loved
Your chronically ill husband \wife drastically needs your support, care, and love. Do not visibly show your fears about your spouse’s health as it might rattle his\her confidence.
Make your spouse feel relaxed and calm by showing your love and care. Hide your apprehension from him\her. Spend as much time as possible with your spouse. Try to be cheerful with him\her even if you are terrified inwards.
Never talk negatively about the chronic illness of your spouse to him\her. Try to boost up his\her morale by telling that he\she will get better. Never thrust your frustrations on your spouse, as it will make him\her feel unloved and unwanted.
Make swift financial decisions
Though the medical bills will be taken care of by the insurance, you have other family expenditures. You have your children’s educational expenditure. You have your day-to-day expenditure. You have an increased transportation expenditure. There are the usual installments and repayments.
The financial pressures overwhelms you and throw your life off-balance. You do not know where to ask for help. You can ask the help of friends who truly care for you. But you cannot always keep depending on outside help. One day you will meet a dead-end.
So, do things to lessen your financial stress. Dispose your jewels. Dispose the extra car you have. Cut down unwanted expenditure ruthlessly.
You have to talk to your children. Gently tell them about the illness of their father\mother. Make them feel responsible. They have to forgo their fun for some time.
Understand the temperamental behaviour of your chronically ill spouse
Another major problem you face is the total behavioral changes in your sick spouse.
He\she becomes unmanageable sometimes. The chronic illness of your spouse makes them go through a severe depression. So, when your sick spouse behaves temperamentally it makes you feel even sadder. You should not retaliate back as your spouse is behaving violently because of the hormonal changes his\her body undergoes due to his \her sickness.
Try not to wallow in self-pity as it will immobilize you into inactivity.
Empty your mind of unwanted emotions. Become a spectator of your own life, instead of being an avid participant. This is a very tough thing to do. But when you do it, you might feel a wee bit relieved.
Never even, contemplate of leaving your sick spouse. He\she needs your love and care more than anything else. Show your never-dying love and concern to him\her. Swallow your sorrow and involve your children in handling this tragedy of your life.
Trust God implicitly
Derive great inner strength by trusting God wholeheartedly. He will definitely endow you with that extra power you need to pull you through your distress.
CONCLUSION
It is very easy to display your love when the going is good. But, it is impossible to retain the same love when the going is tough.
Yes!
The chronic illness of your spouse is a true test to your love.
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