The emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband literally drains your energy, doesn’t it?
Your husband thinks that when he does not physically abuse you, he is treating you well.
But it is far from the truth.
Your husband makes you feel bad about your appearance by making deriding comments about it. He dictates terms and conditions to your life.
These are all plain emotional abuse.
Yes!
When your emotions are time and again abused by your husband, you feel used and neglected by him.
How exactly does your husband abuse you?
- He takes an indirect dig at your appearance.
- He makes derogatory comments about your way of doing things.
- He questions the logic behind the things you do as if you knew nothing.
- He gives you the stone wall treatment.
- He dominates your life so much so that you feel lost.
You never want these sort of emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband, anytime in your life.
All you want from your husband is love, respect, and commitment. But when you do not get it from him, you feel abused.
Shall we look at the emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband?
1. Makes you feel you are not good enough
Your husband behaves in such a way that it implies you are not good enough for him.
“My husband says that he made a mistake in marrying me” Keerthana, my friend told me.
“Why does he feel so after so many years of marriage?” I asked her confusedly.
My friend belonged to the middle class, while her husband belonged to a family of high status.
“He had made me feel that I was no match to him many times. I ignored it for the sake of children, as I did not want a confrontation with him,” sighed Keerthana sadly.
“But of late, his abuse is getting too much out of hand. If I wore a new dress, he says that I don’t have the class to carry it. If we go to a high-end restaurant he says, that I must be overawed by its plush ambience as I was not used to it” my friend was naturally upset.
Can you see that Keerthana was being emotionally abused by her husband?
Your husband too makes fun of your way of doing things. He always makes you the culprit for all your family issues.
He is never appreciative, as he does not see the good in you.
His tone is often derisive and mocking.
One of the topmost of the abusive behaviors of your husband.
2. Gives you the silent treatment
When your husband refuses to talk to you after a fight, it simply shows that he is resorting to silent treatment.
“We had a fight a week ago aunty. Since then my husband is refusing to talk to me,” my friend’s daughter Tara told me.
“One week is a bit too long to remain silent. Have you tried to talk to him, Tara?” I asked the young girl worryingly.
“Of course I did. But, he increased the volume of the TV when I tried to talk him out of his mood” tears welled in Tara’s eyes.
“This is not the first time he is doing it aunty. When we have fights, he becomes silent. When there is a family issue, he becomes silent. When he is off mood, he is silent. I just don’t know why he remains silent with me” Tara looked angry and frustrated.
Tara is not a lone case of facing such abusive behavior.
Most men use their silence as a lethal weapon to demoralize their wives.
You as a woman like to talk with your husband to share all your apprehensions about the family.
But your husband can remain silent for days without feeling he is ill-treating you. He will watch his favorite shows. He will be busy playing video games. He will do anything but talk to you.
This sort of emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband is as destructive as physical abuse.
3. Takes over your life
This is yet another most damaging of the emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband.
He decides what should be done to your life.
Does your husband intrude into your personal life?
Does he says what you should do and what you should not do?
He is taking over your life.
Your husband tries to change your way of life according to his liking.
He interferes in your profession.
He decides your way of dressing.
When your husband literally takes over your life, you feel you have lost your identity.
4. Dominates and controls you
Your husband still has the old school thought that he is the head of the family. He wants you to ask him permission for everything you want to do.
He bosses you around to do services to him.
He controls your money.
He hates it when you do things without asking him.
You feel school girlish before him when you have to ask his consent as if you had no mind of your own.
5. Criticizes your body
He makes fun of your appearance, as he knows you are very sensitive about it.
It gives him sadistic pleasure when he knows his comments is needling you the wrong way.
There are times he makes fun of your obese look. There are times he makes fun of your not-so-beautiful looks.
There are times he compares you with other women.
Your blood boils in anger when he goes about describing the physical attributes about other women.
Yet another marriage wrecking emotionally abusive behaviors of your husband.
6. Immature behavior
Your husband makes you feel ashamed by his immature behavior.
He yells and screams with wild anger for innocuous reasons. You cringe in shame when he misbehaves with you in the full view of the public.
He is never rational and practical.
He never shares family problems with you.
He throws things around to show his anger. He is too keyed up with even minor family issues that you feel lost as to the ways to deal with it.
7. Irresponsible attitude
The irresponsible behavior of your husband unnerves you. He makes you handle you never-ending family issues all by yourself.
There are times when he holds himself aloof as if he has nothing to with your family.
In some extreme cases, your husband disappears from the scene when there is an emergency financial need.
My neighbor’s husband disappeared for years when his family faced debts. I still remember the hardships faced by my neighbor in bringing up her children amidst her financial downfall. Suddenly her husband appeared out of the blue after she had clear off all her debts.
That he got a tongue lashing from neighbor is another story.
CONCLUSION
“The scars from mental cruelty can be as deep and long-lasting as wounds from punches or slaps but are often not as obvious. In fact, even among women who have experienced violence from a partner, half or more report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.”- Lundy Bancroft
Marriage is all about mutual sharing of problems and issues. And it is also all about mutual respect. When your husband is abusive, you wonder about the love which has disappeared from your marriage.
Never ever, tolerate these abusive behaviors of your husband. You were not born to be ill-treated and trampled by him. Hold your self-esteem high by keeping the abusive behavior of your husband in the bay.
Mathi says
Hi Sai,
Don’t worry. I am planning to write about it. I know that wives also can be abusive.
Celia says
My husband keeps a mistress outside. She is very pushy, forceful and high Calibre and a divorcee.
Lately, he has cut all my benefits and give to her.
Our relationship is drifting apart and he spent 3/4 his salary on her.
Mathi says
Celia,
I don’t understand why you are tolerating this blatant display of abuse by your husband. You have to confront him. It has got to be only you. If your husband persists in having fun with his mistress and leaving you in the lurch it is time for you to act. Either he rectifies himself or you leave him. Don’t play the all sacrificing wife and ruin your life. Your self respect is at stake and you are leading a meaningless married life. Be brave and decide what is good for you. You owe yourself that much. Good luck!