Do you know forgiving your spouse is a simple mantra to save your marriage?
When you are unable to forget the fights and arguments between you, you literally wreck your marriage. Your resentment against your spouse keeps snowballing until one fine day you say, enough is enough. You decide to end your marriage in the divorce court.
Sad, isn’t it?
The intense love you had for each other easily becomes nonexistent after a few years of your marriage.
Do you know the top reason for your failed marriage is your inability understand the
importance of forgiving your spouse?
“Why should I be forgiving my spouse? He\she deliberately ruins my peace and happiness. What is the use of continuing in a marriage which does not make me happy?” you are sure that you are doing the right thing by never forgiving your spouse.
Well, I have to tell you the story of Lakshmi, my maid.
My maid and her alcoholic husband
Lakshmi was my servant maid. I liked her because she was sincere in her work. But sadly, she was married to an alcoholic.
“Ma’am, do you know how much I want to end my marriage? But, I am hesitating as I have my children to think of” she often told me.
Her alcoholic husband frequently came to my house to fight with Lakshmi. He would snatch whatever money she had to have another peg of drinks.
One day, Lakshmi was working and I was reading a book.
‘Hey Lakshmi, come on out’ the drunken voice of her husband boomed loudly. I looked out of the window. He was standing near the gate, swaying unsteadily.
Lakshmi hurried out of the kitchen. She looked fearfully at me. I could see that she was feeling tensed about my reaction to the bawling voice of her husband.
“Go and see what he wants, Lakshmi,” I told her. I was angry with her husband who had the audacity to come to my house, drunk. But, I pitied Lakshmi, as I knew how much she suffered because of her alcoholic husband.
“How much money do you have?” I could hear her husband yelling at her.
“Why did you come here? I have no money. I gave all the money I had to you yesterday,” the voice of Lakshmi hissed back angrily.
“Don’t tell me that. I will not go away unless you give me money” I heard her husband give her a slap. I winced with revulsion.
Her husband started to get out of control. He was uttering expletives. I got impatient and called Lakshmi in. I wanted her husband to get out of my place.
Lakshmi entered the room. Her face was swollen. I could see that her husband had hit her very hard. I felt sorry for the girl.
“Ma’am, could you please lend me two hundred rupees? I will repay it as soon as I get my salary” Lakshmi chokingly asked me.
I gave her the money without saying a word.
“Here take it. Don’t come home. This is the end of our relationship. I have had enough” I could hear Lakshmi’s voice trembling with anger.
Her drunken husband left. After all his work was over. He wanted money and he had it. He wanted nothing else.
“I have lost all my patience, ma’am. My husband will never change. I can bring up my children all by myself. I am ending my marriage” Lakshmi looked determined.
“I wouldn’t be coming for a week, ma’am. I have a lot of things to settle with my husband,” she told me wiping her tears.
Lakshmi did not come for work for nearly a month. In those days mobile phones was not common. So I was wondering what could have happened to her. I hoped she was free from her alcoholic husband.
How Lakshmi saved her marriage by being forgiving
One fine afternoon the doorbell rang shrilly. It was Lakshmi. She was all smiles.
‘I am sorry ma’am. I had gone to my native place to offer my thanks to God’ she smiled shyly.
“What happened to your problem, Lakshmi?” I asked her eagerly.
“Ma’am, the day I left, I was very angry with my husband. When he came home I never opened the door for him,” Lakshmi began telling me about what happened between her and her husband.
“The next day, I packed my things and went to my mother’s house. My husband never expected this reaction from me. He thought I was joking when I said I was leaving him,” Lakshmi continued.
“He must have really loved me. He came to my mother’s place daily to ask for apology. I never trusted him to change. But when he kept coming daily, I felt bad for him. His fault was his drinking habit. When he told he will never touch drinks ever in his life, I easily forgave him” Lakshmi smiled happily.
“Do you trust that your husband would never drink again, Lakshmi?” I asked her hesitantly. I didn’t want the poor girl to suffer again.
“I am sure he would never touch drinks again, ma’am. I have to trust him if I must continue with my marriage,” the girl seemed to have believed her husband.
“Have you forgiven your husband?” I asked her.
“Of course ma’am. He is not my enemy. He is my husband. When he promised me that he wouldn’t drink, I trusted him. And my husband has not touched drinks for one month. He goes to work regularly. He has become very affectionate and responsible towards the family” Lakshmi looked very satisfied.
“I am very happy now. If I had not forgiven my husband, my marriage would have ended. But when I forgave him, I got back my husband as I wanted him to, loving, and caring” she smiled shyly.
I could only gape at the girl. The girl was uneducated. But she knew the trick of forgiving. She knew the trick of making her marriage work.
CONCLUSION
I am sure most of you would find the behavior of Lakshmi unacceptable. You will never accept forgiving your spouse.
Of course, there are some aspects of your spouse which you can never forgive.
When your spouse has extra marital affairs, you feel angry at the betrayal. Quite rightfully so.
When he\she abuses you, physically and verbally, you should never take it meekly.
You can never forgive desertion.
But, being unforgiving to the minor faults of your spouse is a sure marriage wrecker.
Yes!
You are willing to lose your marriage. But you will never accept forgiving your spouse.
Never do that. It is very difficult to reconstruct your marriage after you lose it. Understand that the gateway to stability of your relationship is forgiving your spouse.
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