You marry with great expectations about your spouse, don’t you?
‘They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake –Alexander Pope
What are your expectations when you marry your spouse?
- You expect absolute happiness – Every day – In fact 24\7.
- You think there will be no problems between you.
- You are dead sure that your love for each other will always remain vibrant and frenzied- like in your love days.
- You expect your spouse to be very loving, very understanding, very passionate and very adoring like in your dating days.
Absolutely unrealistic great expectations about your spouse, isn’t it?
This is where you go wrong.
Your great expectations about your spouse soon turn into great disappointments after a few years of marriage.
The real culprit for disappointment in your spouse is your unrealistic expectations.
Great expectations about your spouse will definitely lead to great disappointments
- When in love you see your spouse in a very different light.
- He\she puts his\her best foot forward to attract you.
- He\she is demonstrative in his\her love towards you.
- He\she instantly apologizes for harsh words spoken.
- Your spouse is more than ready to be supportive to your emotional needs.
This leads to the pitfall of your married life.
You immediately build great expectations about your spouse based on the way he\she behaves with you during your love days.
‘He\she is a perfect match to me ’you pat yourself for being very lucky in marrying the idealistic person you had always dreamed of.
Here are your few idealistic expectations about your spouse!
- Is your spouse all smiling and easy-going when in love?
You instantly build an image of cheerfulness and humor his\her true self.
‘He\she will make my life happy by his\her cheerfulness’.
But you are in for a shock after marriage.
Your spouse is not fun-loving as you thought him\her to be. In fact he\she is very temperamental.
Your hopes of a happy-go-lucky life crumbles in your feet.
- Your spouse spends lavishly for you before marriage.
This makes you feel he\she will continue doing the same after marriage also.
Again you are in for a shock.
Your spouse becomes tight-fisted after marriage.
These are just a few of the examples of your crushed expectations.
Again and again your expectations are crumpled by the unbelievable differences you see in your spouse after marriage.
Why does this happen in most marriages?
The truth is very simple and matter of fact.
When in love both had no commitments or responsibilities. So it was easy for both to spend your time in fun and frolic.
You wrongly assume that your fun times are there to stay forever.
But after marriage your relationship undergoes drastic changes.
The topmost frustration you suffer is when you become answerable to your spouse – you feel bitter that your freedom is gone forever after marriage.
- When in love you immediately made up after a fight. There was no tug of war as to who should apologize first. There was instant apology and instant acceptance.
So, you think your spouse will always be adjustable and tolerable.
But after marriage your life makes an about turn. There are ego clashes and you turn away from each other in bitterness and resentment.
Yet another expectation bulldozed.
- You had so much to talk about when in love. So you think you will communicate with your spouse about anything in the sky.
But to your utter disappointment you search for topics to talk after marriage.
Do you feel shattered that your great expectations about your spouse becomes null and void after marriage?
Here the ways to overcome your disappointments about your spouse.
- Be practical to realize that life after marriage is a very responsible commitment. So your spouse is bound to concentrate on fulfilling his\her new family commitments.
- Understand that your spouse is an individual with his own unique traits and behavior. He\she cannot be your replica.
- Realize that your spouse still loves you. Not fervently perhaps. But in a more mellow way.
- Never expect your spouse to behave as you want him\her to. He\she is from a different family upbringing. So there are bound to be differences and clashes. Accept it as very normal.
- Your spouse cannot change according to your wish. You too cannot become his\her puppet.
Both are two different individuals.
Your outlook towards life is very different from that of your spouse.
Your way of doing things is also very different.
It is these differences that spice up your married life.
Adjusting to the imperfections of each other is what marriage is all about.
Forgo your great expectations about your spouse. If you want a perfect spouse of your dreams you have to beg God to create such a person. Even he cannot create one.