When your husband refuses to sleep with you, you are extremely traumatized and distressed, aren’t you?
You feel unattractive and undesirable when your husband refuses to sleep with you, don’t you?
It is quite a natural feeling.
You always connect the sexual desires of your husband to your attractiveness and desirability.
Srindhi’s story
“My husband avoids me as if I was an untouchable. It is one year since we had sex,” Srinidhi, my friend’s daughter was complaining to me.
“I fight with him daily about this. But he still continues avoiding sex with me. There are times I want him to divorce him for this” the young girl was literally fuming with anger.
I knew Viswam, her husband. He was a smart young man who was doing great in his job. I couldn’t understand why he was avoiding Srinidhi.
I knew about it when he came to meet me. I understood that he had come to me to confide about his issues with Srinidhi.
“Aunty, I understand that my wife had told you about our relationship problem. What Srinidhi told you was true. I am avoiding sex with her. And I don’t intend to have sex with her, ever again” Viswam told me grimly.
“Why do you say so, Viswam?” I asked him hesitatingly.
“Srinidhi has told you only her side of the story. You have to hear my viewpoint if you must understand why I am doing this to her” the boy looked stressed.
“Do you know Srinidhi nags me no end? In fact daily. She never listens to what I say. She never cooks for me. She compares me with others in a very degrading light. She is not satisfied with what I do for her. She is very demanding and controlling. The way she contorts her face when she consistently argues with me has completely put me off her” Viswam had more complaints against his wife.
“How will I ever feel sexually attracted to my wife when she demeans me in all possible ways?” Viswam sounded weary.
I could see that he had become emotionally disconnected with Srinidhi. This was the reason for his lack of sexual interest towards his wife.
I am sure there are many more Viswam around and I am sure there are many more Srinidhi around also.
You would be surprised to know your husband refuses to sleep with you for many more reasons.
- Your husband is emotionally disconnected with you.
- He is facing tremendous work related pressures.
- Your husband is having an affair.
- He is be a porn addict.
- Your husband is suffering from severe depression which makes him averse to sex.
- In extreme cases, your husband might be a gay.
Shall we go into the details about the reasons your husband refuses to sleep with you?
1. Emotional disconnection
Are you wondering what emotional connectivity has to do with the sexual interest of your husband?
Almost everything.
In the initial days of your marriage, your husband is enthralled by your proximity. He more than willingly gives you intense sexual pleasure. But as days go by, you find that your husband refuses to sleep with you.
Would you be taken aback when you know that you could be the reason behind his lack of sexual interest?
When you do not attract your husband emotionally, he is not interested in you physically. It is as simple as that.
When you constantly nag your husband, he is totally put off from you. When you degrade him by lashing out at him with bitter words, he feels repulsed by you.
When you do not give him emotional support, he feels completely alienated from you. When you pulverize the male ego of your husband by being dominating, his mind shuts you out. When his mind refuses to acknowledge you, his body too refuses to be turned on by you.
Solution
- Never nag your husband, as he hates it.
- Never compare him with others as his ego is shattered.
- Never control your husband as though you own him. Give him his space.
- Respect your husband. It makes him definitely drawn towards you.
- Don’t degrade your husband about his earning capacity. He feels great emotional pain.
Remember that your understanding behavior towards your husband makes him sexually drawn towards it.
2. You no longer attract your husband
When you just let yourself go, you become obese and bloated. This totally puts off your husband. Though love is not connected to your physical appearance, sexual interest is.
You might feel that your husband should feel attracted to you irrespective of your physical appearance. It is true.
True love does overcome barriers of looks and appearance.
But sadly, as a man, your husband is a visual animal. He sees many attractive women around him. It is natural for him to compare you with them.
Solution
- Take care of your appearance.
- Do regular exercises to keep you slim and trim.
- Be presentable when at home.
- Never wear ill-fitting clothes, as it will make you appear unattractive and unappealing.
Physical appearance has a great deal with sexual attraction.
3. Your husband might have found a new interest
Though you do not want it to happen to your marriage in your wildest dreams, your husband might be having an affair behind your back.
When your husband is having an affair, he feel does not feel sexually attracted to you.
Since his interest has shifted from you to another woman, he coolly loses all his sexual interest in you. His lust is satisfied by the other woman in a more exciting manner.
Solution
- You can definitely confront your husband about his affair.
- Solve your problem yourself. Don’t involve your parents\relatives\friends into it.
- They will only aggravate the situation.
4. Your husband might be undergoing severe depression
Depression deplete the sexual interest of your husband completely.
When he has work related stress, he falls into depression.
When you berate your husband about the money he earns, he feels depressed that he is unable to satisfy you.
When your husband is not confident, he feels depressed by the tiniest problems he faces.
Depression has a devastating impact in his sexual interest.
The depressive mindset of your husband makes him a morose and gloomy person. He refuses to come out of cocoon of moodiness.
Solution
- You must be a very understanding wife to pull your husband out of his depression.
- Appreciate his small success so that he feels encouraged.
- Give your husband good emotional support so that he feels his morale boosted.
Your husband likes you when you are understanding and supportive.
5. Your husband has withdrawn from you
You have your children to look after. You are drained and fatigued by your overwhelming household chores.
You constantly refuse sex with your husband citing your tiredness and fatigue.
So, when your husband comes to you eagerly to satisfy his sexual hunger, you push him away saying you are tired. But, he feels you are belittling his masculinity.
When you consistently refuse sex with your husband, his body mechanism shuts you out.
Solution
- Never deny sex to your husband.
- Understand that you can live without sex, but your husband cannot.
- Enjoy your sex life as it brings in great emotional bond into your relationship.
CONCLUSION
“Sex without love is as hollow and ridiculous as love without sex.” – Hunter S.Thompson
Whatever might be the reasons behind your husband refusing to sleep with you, the fact remains that you are unsatisfied and unfulfilled in your married life.
Though sex in no way makes you marriage happy, it is a major relationship issue when you are denied it.
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