How to manage your unrealistic expectations about marriage?
You have many unrealistic expectations about your marriage, don’t you?
Marriage without expectations does not exist at all. Almost all couples have great dreams that they will live happily ever after.
Quite naturally, it does not happen that way.
‘They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake –Alexander Pope
What do you expect from your marriage?
- You expect absolute happiness – Every day – In fact 24\7.
- You think there will be no problems between you.
- You are dead sure that your love for each other will always remain vibrant and frenzied, like it was during your love days.
- You expect your spouse to be very loving, very understanding, very passionate and very adoring, like in your dating days.
Absolutely unrealistic expectations about marriage, isn’t it?
This is where most of you go wrong.
Your unrealistic expectations about marriage soon turns into great disappointments just after a few years of your relationship.
The real culprit for your unhappiness is your impracticable expectations.
Do you want to know why your unrealistic expectations about marriage will never come true?
- When in love, you see your spouse in a very different light.
- He\she puts his\her best foot forward to attract you.
- He\she is demonstrative about his\her love for you.
- He\she instantly apologizes for the harsh words he\she speaks.
- Your spouse gives you instant emotional support.
This makes you have many imaginations about your married life. You immediately build great expectations about your spouse based on the way he\she behaves with you during your love days.
“He\she is a perfect match to me” you pat yourself for being very lucky in marrying the idealistic person you had always dreamed of.
Here are your few idealistic expectations about your marriage!
As your spouse is all smiling and easy-going when in love, you instantly assume him\her to be a cheerful person.
But you are in for a shock after your marriage.
Your spouse is not as fun-loving as you thought him\her to be. In fact, he\she is very temperamental. Your hopes of a happy-go-lucky life crumbles in your feet.
When your spouse spends lavishly for you before marriage, you feel he\she will continue to be indulgent after marriage also.
Again, you are in for a shock.
Your spouse becomes tight-fisted after marriage. He\she never opens his\her purse for you.
These are just a few of the examples of your crushed expectations.
Why does this happen in most marriages?
The truth is very simple and matter of fact.
When in love both had no commitments or responsibilities. So, it was easy for both to spend your time in fun and frolic. You wrongly assume that your fun times are there to stay forever.
But after marriage, your relationship undergoes drastic changes.
Your topmost frustration is that you become answerable to your spouse – You feel bitter that your freedom is gone forever after marriage.
When in love you immediately made up after a fight. There was no tug of war as to who should apologize first. There was instant apology and instant acceptance.
So, you think your spouse will always be adjustable and tolerable.
But this unrealistic expectations about marriage, never materializes. In fact, your attitude towards your spouse takes an about turn. There are severe ego clashes between you. Both feel bitter and resentful about each other.
This is yet another of your expectation bulldozed after marriage.
You had so much to talk about when in love. So, you think you will continue communicating with friendliness after marriage also.
But to your utter disappointment, you search for topics to talk after marriage.
You feel shattered that your unrealistic expectations about your marriage becomes null and void, don’t you?
Don’t be disappointed.
Here the ways to overcome your disappointments about your marriage.
- Be practical to realize that life after marriage is a very responsible commitment. So, your spouse is bound to concentrate on fulfilling his\her new family commitments.
- Understand that your spouse is an individual with his own unique traits and behavior. He\she cannot be your replica.
- Realize that your spouse still loves you. Not fervently perhaps. But in a more mellow way.
- Never expect your spouse to behave, as you want him\her to. He\she is from a different family upbringing. So, there are bound to be differences and clashes. Accept it as very normal.
- Your spouse cannot change according to your wish. You too cannot become his\her puppet.
Both are two different individuals. Your outlook towards life is very different from that of your spouse. Your way of doing things is also very different.
It is these differences that spice up your married life.
Conclusion
Adjusting to the imperfections of each other is what marriage is all about.
Forgo your unrealistic expectations about marriage. If you want the perfect spouse of your dreams, you have to beg God to create one such person. Even He cannot create one.
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