How can money issues in marriage be connected to the happiness of your relationship?
After all, your marital happiness depends on the love you have for each other, doesn’t it?
Sadly, you are wrong.
Do you know money issues in marriage is the top reason for the spurt of divorce you see today?
Yes.
It is a harsh truth, that money and marital happiness are interlinked.
Your attitude towards money undergoes volumes of changes after your marriage.
Shall we look at your attitude towards money before marriage?
“The love we have for each other is enough to make our marriage work. Money cannot cause any rift in our relationship.”
You feel emotional that money issues in marriage will never arise between you.
Shall we look at your attitude towards money after marriage?
It changes drastically.
“We never agree about the ways to deal with the money we earn. I feel my spouse leeches me off my hard-earned money.”
“My spouse is very secretive about his\her money dealings. My spouse never agrees to my way of handling money and I do not agree to his\hers.”
Can you see how much your opinion about money changes after marriage?
“I never knew money issues in marriage was so important.”
Reality about money hits you hard after a few years of marriage.
Do you know that money issues in marriage has the power to make or break your relationship?
When money rules the world, it is not surprising it rules your married life also.
Does this mean your marriage can survive on money alone?
Does it also mean money decides the happiness quotient in your marriage?
Absolutely not.
Without love, your marriage cannot survive. Love is the foundation of your marriage.
Your relationship cannot last without love, care, mutual respect, emotional support and many other intricate qualities your marriage needs to make it stable.
But however much you love each other, your marriage cannot survive without money.
YES.
Money makes or unmakes your married life.
How?
- Before marriage, you had no big family commitments.
- You enjoyed your life without a care in the world.
- You handled your hard-earned money carelessly.
- You instantly bought things which caught your fancy.
- You never thought about your future.
- No one questioned you about the money you earn.
But after marriage, your concept about money undergoes drastic changes.
- You understand that you need money to maintain your family.
- You realize that the future of your children depends upon the quality of education you give them.
- Their education will be costing you lots of money.
- You now know that you must maintain a good standard of life, to keep in pace with others.
- You are brought thudding to reality, when you realize that you must handle your money carefully for the financial security of your family.
- After marriage, your spouse questions you about the money you spend.
This complete changeover in your life, hits you hard about the harsh reality of the importance of money in married life.
Most couples lock horns with each other on money matters.
When you have surplus money, your married life is quite happy.
Suppose you are knee-deep in debts.
All hell breaks free in your relationship. With great bitterness, you realize that money issues in marriage can be a very stressful and nerve-wracking problem.
What happens to your relationship when there is no money for your day-to-day survival?
- Your standard of living plunges to a new low.
- You can no longer afford high-end colleges\schools for your children.
- You have to shift them to cheaper schools.
- You are forced to live a make-do life.
Blaming games about money issues in marriage now begins with venomous intensity between both.
Accusations and counter accusations wreck your marital happiness. You begin the day by arguing about money, and end the day by arguing about money.
Do you know you might have surplus money and still argue with your spouse about it?
Married life is a tricky relationship. It is a unison of two persons with diversified thoughts about everything in life.
And money dealings is the topmost diversification in marriage. Both do not have the same way of handling money.
- You might want a lavish lifestyle, while your spouse might prefer simplicity.
- You might like spending, while your spouse might like savings.
- You might want to invest money in stocks, while your spouse might feel that banks are the safest.
You fight over allocation of money also.
- Do you earn more than what your spouse does?
- Does your spouse insist you spend more for the family?
- Are you denied your own personal money?
These are just a few of the money issues in marriage over which you fight with your spouse.
Why does money in married life cause such emotional upheavals?
The mercenary world respects you only when you openly display your wealth.
The world never cares about your love for each other. So, after marriage your focus is diverted to money. You run after money. You chase money. You just do not seem to have enough money.
Conclusion
So, how exactly should you deal with money issues in marriage?
You are foolish if you think love is enough to make your marriage work.
Because, love alone cannot make your marriage work.
You will be foolish, if you attach too much importance to money.
Because money cannot bring happiness to your relationship.
But strangely, both fight with each other as if you were enemies when there is no money for your basic survival.
You need love to make you feel bonded to each other. You also need money to make you financially secure.
The simple truth is that one cannot do without the other.
Lavanya says
Hi Mathi,
Wonderful information to know for young couples.
I really need your help to take decision about my married life which is under trouble now. I didn’t know where to post this so am stating it here itself.
Initially before marriage my husband behaved so well, soft spoken, not money minded and very understanding persobality. He also said he was a tetotaler. But his parents and elder sister were very problematic since their expectations were more. My husband convinced their parents not to ask for too many things. Also convinced me n family to do couple of things as their parents wish. We thought may most of the guys parents are this and proceeded to marriage. But after marriage only few days we were happy, then I went to my mom’s home for a month for a ritual. When I returned back my husband had turned dead opposite of what I thought he was. He had drunk once before marriage and I had asked to promise me that he wud never drink again.
Sister inlaw always stayed in my inlaws house with her mentally imbalanced child of 10yrs and one more kid of 4yrs though her house is in mysore and inlaws house in nearby our house. She used to visit her inlaws house for only an hour. My mil started to give me more n more work at home though I was working. My husband wasnt knowing this and agreed to his mom while she said your wife doesnt do any household work n just runs to office. Fights started between us and money was a big isssue too since they were expecting money. I couldn’t guess initially but when he used to fight for no reason and end up saying he doesnt have money then I started realising they were all behaving dramatically. Most of the money n house old items, my marriage gifts were all taken by my sister inlaw.
Me n my parents really felt bad after knowing this. In our room her berows are ther n our clothes are in different room. My husband is fine if I spend whole day til night in kitchen itself n shud fulfil his needs too n shudn utter any word abt his mom n sis. My salary was stopped for almost 2 months since in had taken leaves without pay.when I got salary he took 30000 from me and didnt spend a single rupee for me though it was a festival time n never told abt how he spent it even after asking him. After sometime my father was not well, I asked him tat I need to go immediately but he n his parents did a big hungama n didnt let me go. Hia behaviour was becoming very wierd towards me n started to roam witg his friends more. After his needs are fulfilled he l starting fighting at nights and one night it was more, his mom came n started yelling at me for no reason, even after knowing tat her son was wrong. They started abusing my parents and asked me to cal my parents. I cudn tollerate it and I called my parents on weekend. Evryone gathered with mediators 1 each from both sides. Finally they knew my husbands and inlaws faults. They decided n told tat I shud give 10000 per month to husband, my husband n inlaws started screaming – we don want tat money n your daughter take back her. Listening to this my parents got angry and they started asking jus becoz of money y they are ruining my life. Later on mediators asked to goto mom’s home for sometime after that husbanf has to consile n bring me back. So I left from ther and came to mom’s house. For almost a month my husband didn cal n he had become alcohol addict. By then I got pregnancy confirmed (2 months) so I called him to meet so that I can convey him tge good news directly. but he didn come n gave reasons finally I told him on call only but he didn have tat good feeling of happiness. Again a discusion happened btwn families but ended up with fight. I only called up on my birthday n spoke to him for getting issuea sorted out. Lot of misunderstandings happened coz of mediators. He came n met me near my office and we spoke abt evrything. Though I had sorted out things he still forgets tat n starts cribbing later on.
He says something and after sometime he says I never said like tat. These qualities are making our lives more difficult. His parents pushed me (3 months pregnant) n my parents out wen we went to their house to see my husband who was not well as he was badly drunk. During pregnancy he used to meet n come to my home but later on wen we asked them to do baby shower function he stopped coming. During delivery time my husband came to hospital n took care of me. once baby was born inlaws came n saw my baby boy n didn even see or talk to me , since I was having suture pains I cudn talk to them. This was a big offense according to my husband, I convinced him but he never listened instead he threatened me saying from now the game starts, see I wat I l do. Till 4 months he didn bother to call or see me n baby. I only called him couple of times but he used to put fights. He came to see baby afterwards me n my dad convinced a lot. He came thrice like once in a month til baby was 6 months, but I cudn feel his love as before. My parents spoke abt baby naming ceremony and again he stopped coming n asked my parents to talk to inlaws. Since inlaws ill treated my parents they weren’t ready to go to their house. Still my parents went to inlaws house to inform them abt naming ceremony. my husband and inlaws didn’t let my parents n relatives into house n behaved very rudely with them without giving respect. Husband has almost come to hit my dad inspite of knowing tat my dad has eyesight problem. We gave police complaint against them n now counselling is going on. Am under dilemma, should I live with him or not.
Please guide me madam.
-Lavanya
Mathi says
Lavanya,
I feel bad for you. Your in-laws have no right to behave in this manner to you. There is no need to call mediators for your marriage problems. They will only confuse things as they never really know what is happening in your relationship.
You need not care for your in-laws. They are just your extended family.
But your husband is not understanding. He doesn’t seem to have a mind of his own.
Since, the behavior of your husband is fickle, you can never really trust him.
The first thing you should do is become very confident. It is your life. NO one has the right to abuse you, even if it is your husband. Have a frank talk with your husband. Tell him that you will never take his behavior lightly hereafter.
Tell him that you will leave him if he insists in abusing you.
Make good your words.
Yes.
It is now or never.
If your husband says he will change you can live with him. But not with your in-laws. Both should live independently.
If he does not agree to any of your suggestions, go in for a divorce. At least you can have some peace.