Are you a mistress to a married man?
I am sure you feel very insecure in your relationship.
When you are a mistress, you live a temporary life of being wife- like to a man who has taken fancy of you.
Yes!
You can only be wife-like, and not a wife in the real sense of the word.
“I now break my head about how I got involved with a married man” tears of self-pity welled in the eyes of Narmada, a girl I knew.
She was in a relationship with her colleague who entered her life by tantalizing her with caring words and loving attitude.
Initially everything seemed fine with her relationship. Her colleague promised Narmada that he was going to divorce his wife and marry her. The poor girl totally trusted him. He often came to her home to satisfy his lust. Soon, his visit became occasional to finally stop completely.
“Now I realize that I have been just a mistress to him. He had no intention of marrying me. It was I who was foolish enough to dream of it” Narmada looked shaken.
It is indeed an unthinking blunder to be involved with a married man. You will never be his priority.
In fact, you know that he is using you to fulfill his lust. The man is enamored with you because you are giving him great sex which his wife did not give him.
This itself pushes your life with the man towards uncertainty, doesn’t it?
When your man feels attracted towards you only because of lust, this affair is like standing on thin ice. He could get easily bored with you.
Do you know, when you are a mistress to a married man, you will be consistently feel emotionally shattered?
1. You can never be legal
Everything about your relationship is illegal. You become a social stigma when you live with your man as his mistress.
You are talked behind your back as the other woman.
Whenever you go out, people murmur about you. And you have to endure their disapproving looks.
2. You are never in his priority list
Though your man does not say it in words, his wife is his priority. He is duty bound towards her, whereas he has no such thing with you.
He has his children whom he adores.
There are days he does not show up. He has many reasons for it. You have no rights to question him.
One day, he says he took his family out. Another day, he says he took his children to the theme park. Yet another day, he says he had to take his wife for shopping.
Can you see that you will never be his priority?
3. He never introduces you to his friends\relatives.
He does not go out publicly with you. It is all a hush-hush thing.
Whenever you go out, you go to places his friends\relatives never visit. Your man is also particular about the timings. It is almost always late in the night when he takes you out. He is confident that his family will be in bed.
If at all he sees them, he immediately moves away from you, as he does not want them to know about his illegal affair.
4. Gradually his interest in you disappears
How long can your man feel frenzied to have sex with you?
When there is nothing emotional in your relationship, sex becomes boring as days go by.
When you are a mistress to a married man, you soon cease to excite him.
5. Most of your days are alone
Your man likes to spend his nights with you. He is mad about the different sex you give him. But his days are for his family.
You want a cozy lunch with him. But your man has other ideas. He has to take his wife to a family function.
Can you see you do not fit into his family?
6. He sets you a time limit
“I can be there only for two hours” your man says to you.
Yes!
He has only limited time for you.
You feel very unhappy. But you cannot argue about it, as it will mean losing the two hours he has given you.
Will your man ever set a time limit to his wife?
He will never do it.
7. He never gives you the love you want
To your man, you are nothing but a sexual diversion.
You become mistress to a married man because you loved him.
But to him you are just a physical infatuation with him. Your man in fact shows implicitly that his relationship with you is purely physical.
8. You have to be secretive about your love
You cannot say to your friends that you are a mistress to a married man.
You know they will warn you about the consequences.
So, you show yourself as single to them.
Only you know you have accepted to be a second-hand to your man’s wife.
9. You constantly feel guilty
You know without doubt that you are ruining the life of an innocent girl.
Initially you didn’t feel guilty as the newness of your affair got the better of you.
But after a few days, you break your head about your foolishness in getting involved with a married man.
10. You constantly fear the end is near
You are not sure how long your affair will last. There are days when your man does not call you.
You keep calling him, but he does not answer. You feel sick with worry that your affair has ended.
Then one fine day your man shows up, not to show his love but to satisfy his raging lust.
CONCLUSION
Can you see how uncertain your life if you are a mistress to a married man?
Never get involved with a married man. Your life becomes hellish. You must overcome your feeling of love for him, if you want to live with dignity and self-worth.
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Nikki says
My husband is sleeping with his ex from high school over a year now… he said he doesn’t no how to end it . I told him I will help him by leaving him and her alone. Now he want us to go to therapy because we have a one year old daughter and he want is family. But I told him he’s the one destroying the family. Now after a year I don’t have any sexual attraction for him. To get through this year of his on going infidelity I went to therapy and was thought how to be emotionally detached and now I am emotionally numb.. His mistress call me and said he’s going to leave me for her because he’s unhappy at home.. I told her happiness is an inside job .. I really want to work on our marriage since he just now want but I don’t know how to turn off my emotionally detached style… I don’t feel hurt I don’t feel pain .. Any suggestions will be greatly appreciated..
Mathi says
Hi Nikki,
You did a foolish thing by allowing your husband to get along with his ex. You have gifted your marriage to another girl.
I think you must have suffered emotionally during the initial days of the cheating of your husband.
But as days went by, you must have become furious at the cheating of your husband.
And soon, your anger must have turned into apathy and bitterness against your husband.
Prolonged bitterness has made you numb.
Infedility kills marriage. It is sad that your husband did not understand it.
Do not gift away your marriage.
You can make it work. Give one last chance to your husband, only the terms and conditions of no more cheating from him.
If your husband is loyal and loving towards you, you might thaw and become attached to him.
Everything depends on your husband and how much he really wants your marriage to work.
You too must reciprocate when your husband acts loving towards you.
Time is a great healer. It will make you forget your bitterness, and you too might be able to enjoy your married life.