The other woman in your husband’s life wrecks your marital happiness, doesn’t she?
You feel terribly upset when you come to know that your husband has been cheating you behind your back. You feel furious that your husband has the audacity to cheat your trust and loyalty.
How do you feel when you come to know about the illegal extra marital affair of your husband?
- You lose your mental peace.
- You are wild with anger about the disloyalty of your husband.
- Your relationship is traumatized by consistent bitter arguments with your husband about the other woman in his life.
- You want to walk away from your marriage.
- But you are compelled to stay on because of your children.
The other woman suddenly enters your married life to baby lift your husband.
“Is this really happening to me” you ask yourself. You still cannot believe that another woman could compete with your rightful place in your husband’s life.
The other woman in husband’s life is an agony many wives have suffered for generations.
I remember my mother’s uncle having extra marital affair with another woman.
My mother’s uncle and aunt fought bitterly about it. But his wife never walked away from her marriage. She stayed with her husband even though she knew he was having an illegal affair with another woman.
“It is my fate” she used to tell my mother.
Thinking back, I feel my mother’s aunt has been submissive and meek to allow the other woman enter her married life.
If it had happened today I think she would have divorced her husband.
You should never overlook any illegal affair of your husband. He owes his loyalty to you. Your husband cannot be having fun with the other woman making a mockery of your trust.
What makes your husband cheat you?
- Men are very prone to physical attraction. Your husband is no different.
- He is instantly drawn towards a woman if she is physically attractive to him.
- Your husband never thinks he is being disloyal to you when he indulges in extra marital affairs.
- It is just a physical thing, he justifies himself.
- When the other woman gives him the lead he crosses the line without any hesitation.
Mostly your husband cheats you to satisfy his physical urge.
You feel like killing him for the injustice he does to you, don’t you?
But there are times your husband justifies his cheating by piling up many accusations against you.
“My wife makes my life a hell by her aggressive behavior. I have no peace at home as she consistently degrades me. I was attracted to the other woman because she respected me” your husband justifies his cheating by piling up many accusations against you.
Do you commit these mistakes your cheating husband accuses you of?
- Do you nag your husband about everything?
- Are you prone to angry and ugly outbursts?
- Do you spend too much time away from your family to be with your friends?
- Do you deny your husband emotional support?
- Do you deny him sex when he needs it?
Your husband dislikes such behavior from you.
Your husband might be physically very strong, but he is very weak mentally. He is very vulnerable and emotionally fickle.
His ego is shattered and crushed when you nag him persistently. When you are not loving and caring he shrinks within himself in frustration and dejection.
He needs his ego to be boosted up to feel worthy.
Do you make sex your bargaining ground to meet your demands?
In fact, most women make this mistake. You feel you can make him surrender to your demands in his weakest moment. This is a characteristic your husband hates in you.
Do you also browbeat your husband as unworthy and worthless?
This makes your husband feel very lonely and alone in his relationship with you. Your nagging makes him feel that he is incapable of success. His mind craves for encouraging words which is not forthcoming from you.
This is when the gates of his mind opens out to the other woman.
When the other woman gives your husband the emotional comfort which he does not get from you, he feels drawn towards her.
Does your unreasonable behavior justify the betrayal of your husband?
It never does.
Who is this other woman in husband’s life?
- She might be a friend who gives your husband great companionship to eventually enter into his heart.
- She might be a lonely woman who seeks comfort in your husband.
- She might his colleague who shares her feelings with him to finally enter his life.
When the other woman becomes his another family you feel your marriage can go no further.
Deal with the other woman in husband’s life decisively.
- You should never let this affair continue.
- You are his rightfully wedded wife. You have total rights over him, not the other woman.
- Do not take it as a personal defeat to you as wife.
- Your husband will never leave you as he knows that his family is you and your children.
- Do not let your children know about the other woman. They start hating their father.
- It is between you and your husband.
- Do not give importance to the other woman. She does not deserve it.
Who wins the battle? You or the other woman?
- There can be doubt that you will emerge the winner.
- The finality of the illegal relationship of your husband is always separation.
- Your husband and the other woman realize rather late that their relationship too is not perfect.
- Your husband longs to be back in the family fold with you and children.
What should you do when you come to know about the other woman in husband’s life?
- Do not indulge in mutual mudslinging with the other woman
- Do not let your husband easily off the hook – divorce makes him make hay while the sun shines.
- Show your husband firmly that he cannot take you for granted.
When your husband comes back, give him a firm ultimatum. Tell him firmly that if he cheats again he will lose you, once for all.
Jacqueline Dotson says
Yes I understand your point of view, but I also understand that sometimes enough is enough. My estranged husband and I have been married 31 years, now separated with no intend to reconcile. We have 3 grown children and 4 grandchildren. We are both in our fifties. Unfortunately some men do leave their wives and families for other women. I must admit I am one of the few. I have struggled many years from the hurt and pain of my husbands illicit relationship. But I truly have found peace through Christ. Since our separation, I have started a business and on my way to pursue a Master”s and PHD in Psychology. I will always carry the scars from my marriage but know I fought a good fight to keep it. My husband and his mistress live there lives as if no one else matters. So contrary to beliefs: Some husbands do leave their wives and families. We have to finally wish them well and move on. Thanks for your blog.
Jenie says
I feel so betrayed . I took him back helped him with his debt with child support from another marriage where he had a daughter and help him clear his childsupport debts so that one day we could buy a home for our family. But he did this with another person! I can’t stand the sight of him and because he’s a true narcissistic person I can’t get rid of him ! I just want him out he’s damaged enough of our liives!!!!!
My children suffer and I know their lives growing up will be affected by all that he’s said and done to me and them!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE HIM AS MUCH AS IVE ONCE LOVED HIM!
Mathi says
Hi Jenie,
When there is so much hate for your husband, you can never make your marriage work. If you feel that your husband has used you, you have all the right to leave him. Think deeply before taking the drastic step of divorcing your husband. If you feel that there is no future for your marriage and that you would be better off without your husband, you are justified in doing so.
Without mutual love and respect no marriage can survive. And your marriage seems to lack both. It is your life and it is you who is suffering. So take a wise decision.