Do you know the presence of physical touch in your marriage, decides how happy you are with your spouse?
Physical touch in your marriage has the magical effect of a touch therapy. It is the wonder medicine for most of your relationship ailments.
Most marriages suffer from touch deprivation. This is the reason most of you feel unloved, uncared, and used by your spouse.
I am sure you still do not understand the true impact physical touch has in your marriage.
Here is an example to show you the importance of physical touch!
How does an infant feel loved by his mother?
It is through her hugs, caresses, and kisses. Though the baby is a newcomer to the world, he instantly feels the love of his mother through her caring touch.
Even a tender baby imbibes the love of his mother through her touch.
The power of physical touch is that strong!
What happens when the baby does not experience the affectionate and caring touch of his mother?
Never ever think a baby will not feel anything if his mother does not hold him. He will definitely feel lost.
Why does a baby stop crying as soon as his mother picks him up?
The physical touch of his mother instantly makes the baby feel emotionally secure and loved.
You want your parents to hug and kiss you even after you grow up.
Why?
The physical touch of your parents convey their love for you in no uncertain terms.
You also convey your love for your friends\parents\relatives by hugging them.
Can you see how physical touch conveys your love in a very emphatic manner?
Why is it you never understand the importance of physical touch in your marriage?
You mostly never touch your spouse unless you are making love. If at all you touch your spouse, it is a very cursory gesture without displaying your true love.
In the initial stages of your marriage, you often touched your spouse, didn’t you?
You hugged him\her with affection. You cuddled up to him\her with love.
But as years go by, you scarcely touch your spouse. There is no more hugging, no more cuddling, and no outward physical display of love.
You touch your spouse only when making love.
Sex is a very small aspect of your marriage. There is no denying its importance. It gives you incredible pleasure and makes you branch out as a family. But the impact of its pleasure is temporary.
Do you know what gives you more pleasure than sex?
It is when your spouse touches you affectionately without sexual intent. Touching without lust is the best gesture of love you want in your marriage.
You long for your spouse to display his\her affection for you through many tiny physical gestures, don’t you?
- You want your spouse to hug you often.
- You want him\her to kiss you without the intention of having sex.
- You want your spouse to play with your hair.
- You want him\her to hold your hands in a crowd.
- You want your spouse to lean on you with affection.
But, mostly you are disappointed, as your spouse is never really physically demonstrative.
Of course, there are times your spouse touches you without sexual intention. But in a way, you dislike.
- He\she pushes you away in anger.
- Your spouse knocks your hands away to show his\her displeasure.
- He\she rudely gets away from you when you eagerly sit beside him\her.
You are emotionally shattered when your spouse demonstrates his\her anger through such hateful physical gestures, aren’t you?
Here are the types of physical touch you crave for from your spouse.
Arms around the shoulders
Are you walking in a crowd?
If your spouse walks beside you, there is nothing exciting about it. But, when he\she put his\her hands around you, it makes you float in cloud nine.
Cuddling
Are you watching TV sitting side by side with your spouse?
When your spouse cuddles up to him\her, you feel even more loved. When he\she instantly brings you closer to him\her, the pleasure you feel cannot be had elsewhere.
Impulsive hugging
When your spouse hugs you when you are least expecting it, it gives you such pleasure that you want more of it.
Direct eye contact
I would rate direct eye contact as more of a physical touch.
How many of you are lucky to have the direct eye contact of your spouse?
Only a handful, I am sure.
Your spouse often looks at you without noticing you.
He\she never notices your tension.
Your spouse never notices you when you look good.
He\she has his\her eyes on the TV\laptop\video games when you talk with him\her.
When there is no intimate eye contact between you, you feel that your spouse is treating you as more of a lifeless object.
When there is no physical touch between you, your marriage loses the special intimacy which can exist only between you.
The more your marriage lacks physical touch, the more distant both become towards each other.
Why is there no physical touch in your marriage?
It is because playfulness has disappeared from your marriage. Everything in your relationship becomes money oriented. Your interaction with your spouse is about saving money and spending money.
How boring you make your interaction by only talking about confrontational topics?
Money is very important for your marriage. In fact, your relationship cannot survive without money. But it should not deprive your marriage off its playfulness.
Playfulness makes your marriage breezy and fun. Without it, everything in your relationship slips into seriousness and sobriety.
Shall we emphasize how much the physical touch of your spouse makes you feel cared and loved?
Let us suppose you are feeling tensed about your work related problems. You are sitting in a corner worrying about it.
Let us also imagine your spouse reacting to it in two different ways.
Scenario No 1
Your spouse asks you why you are looking worried.
You tell him\her about your problem.
Your spouse tells you not to worry and plumbs himself\herself before the TV to watch his\her favorite show.
Scenario No 2
Your spouse asks you why you are looking worried.
You tell him about your problem.
He\she sits beside you to listen attentively to what you have to say.
Your spouse hugs you and tells you not to worry. He\she holds your hands with care until you come out of your stress.
Now tell me!
Which scenario would you like to happen to you?
I bet you always want the second one.
Why?
The first scenario showed your spouse formally asking you about your problem. There was no care or emotional support in his\her interaction. It was more of a cursory questioning.
But the second scenario showed that your spouse really cared for you. When he\she hugged you, he\she sent you the message “I am here for you.” You always need this sort of demonstration of love from your spouse.
Mostly the first scenario is what that happens in every marriages.
It is sad that most couples are missing the beauty of physical touch in marriage.
Do you know a simple touch can convey your love message without any reservation?
So, hug each other often.
Lean on each other.
Cuddle up to your spouse.
Play with his\her hair.
Hold hands often.
Fleeting hugs is thrilling.
Touching face with affection makes you feel loved.
Flirting with a slap in the back is pure fun.
CONCLUSION
These physical touches should be spontaneous and spur of the moment.
Physical touch in your marriage should be embedded seamlessly in your daily interaction with your spouse. Makes your marriage more thrilling and ever green, you know.
Kelly says
Great Post! So true and with great examples! Thanks for sharing!