You are furious when your husband body shames you, aren’t you?
Your husband makes needless comments about the shape of your body, your apprearance and how you look bad compared to other svelte women he knows.
The attitude of your husband makes you feel as though you are unattractive and unappealing.
It is because you are hyper sensitive towards your appearance. And negative comments about it makes you unhappy.
How exactly does your husband indulge in body shaming?
Your husband makes humiliating comments about your physical appearance. He is in fact blatantly insulting you by body shaming you.
Yes.
It is common to see your husband body shaming you by making unwanted comments about your body weight, the way you dress, and your total appearance.
“You look too fat.”
“The dress you are wearing is for a slim woman.”
“You are too skinny that you look like a boy.”
“You have such flabby arms.”
“Real women are fat. And thin. And both. And neither, and otherwise” – Hanna Blank
You are angry at the insensitive comments your husband makes about your physical appearance, aren’t you?
Are you justified in feeling angry when your husband body shames you?
Absolutely.
When your husband concentrates on your body and overlook your love and care, you feel very unhappy in your relationship.
‘You know that I had a C-section during the birth of my son, don’t you aunty?” Sreelatha, my friend’s daughter asked me.
‘Of course I know, dear. How are you feeling now?’ I asked the young girl.
“Not fine aunty. . My delivery was very complicated. Can you see how much weight I had put on? I am unable to exercise as I am feeding my son. But my husband makes fun of my appearance. He makes derisive comments about how I had put on oodles of weight. His ugly comments makes me feel that I am an unsightly woman” Sreelatha fumed with anger.
“Does my husband love only my body? Does he not appreciate my love?” The poor girl was justifiably furious with her husband.
I am sure Sreelatha is not a lone case of a woman being body shamed by her husband. Many of you would have experienced the agony of hearing many unwarranted comments about your body from your husband.
Why does your husband body shames you?
Your husband works among many women who have perfect body shape. And as a man he compares you with the svelte women he sees around him.
His mind rages in disappointment that you are not as slim and trim as them. In his frustration, your husband lashes out with harsh words about your physical appearance.
Your husband has no right to body shame you.
Should you be the long-suffering wife when your husband body shames you?
You would be foolish if you do so.
If your husband makes comments about your body weight as he is worried that it would affect your health, it should be appreciated by you.
If your husband is really concerned about your health he will make you understand that body fat is dangerous. And he will talk in such a way that you want to listen to him.
You can easily understand the intention of your husband from the tone of his voice. When your husband is really concerned about your weight, his tone will be friendly and normal.
But when the intention of your husband is just to be degrading, his voice will sound biting and harsh.
You should listen to your husband when he is caring about the repercussions your body weight can have on your health.
You should diet. You should do exercises. You should try to lose weight. Your husband wants you to be trim because he wants you to be healthy.
But this does not happen most of the time. Mostly your husband body shames you with the sole intention of hurting your feelings. It is his lethal weapon to downgrade you. It is because he knows you are sensitive about your appearance.
You feel furious when your husband body shames you, don’t you?
It is downright mean on your husband when he feels that he has all the rights to body shame you.
Will your husband tolerate it if you make fun of his pot belly and out-of- shape physique?
Your husband definitely wouldn’t.
So, it is foolish of him to think only he has the right to make fun of your body.
You should never show your husband that his demoralizing comments about your body has affected you. If you do so, it becomes his lethal weapon to constantly make degrading comments about your body shape with the mean intention of hurting you.
How exactly should you deal with a body shaming husband?
- Never let his harsh words disturb your peace. When you know his intention is to hurt you, you should not let him achieve his goal.
- Ignore him and go about your work.
- Don’t try to explain to your husband why you have put on weight. He does not deserve your explanation.
- Do not fight with your husband, as he would feel sadistically happy that he has made you mad. This is what he wanted to happen, you know.
- Do not cry, as he would continue body shaming you.
- Don’t let yourself go, as your looks matter to you.
- Never wallow in self-pity that you are no good. Physical appearance does not in anyway bring love into your relationship. It is your care that finally matters to your husband. If he does not understand it, it is his problem, not yours.
- Do not indulge in body shaming your husband. You are furious that your husband never thinks of his pot belly before making comments about your body. But, never lower yourself to his level.
- Do exercises to slim down your body. It is not for your husband, but for yourself.
- Do not let his body shaming demoralize you.
- Wear well-fitting dress to give you confidence.
- Try talking with your husband when he is in a reasonable mood. Be firm in telling that you would not take his nagging words meekly.
- Behave confidently with your husband so that he thinks twice before making fun of you.
Conclusion
“There is nothing more rare, nor more beautiful, than a woman being unapologetically herself; comfortable in her perfect imperfection. To me, that is the true essence of beauty.” -―
When your husband body shames you, he is not degrading you, but himself. He shows the shallowness of his love for you. Never make his wounding comments as a parameter to your appearance. Thin or fat, it is your body. Be proud of it.
Jennifer says
Why would he want to make me feel bad about myself in the first place? Should I even stay around with a person who feels the right to humiliate me like that?
Lola says
My husband don’t do it directly, due to my obesity I can’t sleep without snoring so I decided to be sleeping in another room, he is always complaining why he had to be sleeping alone, I changed to sleep on same bed with him with a 96 style, he started complaining if that is how he is going to spend the rest of his life, why did he get married when he can’t hold his wife. If I snore he can use even his leg to hit my head. I’m a working mum and I get so busy from morning till night even at home, I did CS and I have ulcer. What do I do? He complains always that I always look pregnant and my legs are too big. I am just tired that I don’t feel like doing anything
Mathi says
Hi Lola,
Your husband wants you to look good. But this does not give him any right to body shame you. You are a working woman and it is natural that you are tied up with one work or the other. But you must never let go yourself. You must take care of your appearance, not to please your husband but to make you feel confident. You say that your husband complains about your appearance. Does this mean he is very trim and slim? Most men never look at their appearance. They feel looking good and attractive is the perogative of their wives. This is very wrong. Your husband is also doing the same thing.Tell him frankly that you do not like him body shaming you. At the same time, you should make efforts to reduce your weight. Over weight can lead to many health related problems. When you do regular exercises and follow a good diet you will start losing weight. It will make you feel good and healthy.