Are you wondering about the valid reasons why a husband pulls away from his wife?
But, you as a wife always feel that your husband is very insensitive and unloving when he mentally deviates from you.
You feel completely shattered when your husband builds a barricade of silence around him, aren’t you?
- You are taken aback when your husband emotionally distances himself away from you when you want to interact with him.
- You are frustrated when he looks disinterested when you talk to him.
- You are furious when your husband only half listens to your interaction that you feel you might be talking to a wall, for all the reaction he gives.
What could going on in his mind when a husband pulls away from his wife?
To properly understand your husband you must enter his male world.
As a man, your husband is very incapable of handling emotions.
This is the reason he becomes wary of you when you start your conversation by asking him tons of questions.
‘What are you going to do about the financial commitments we have this month?’
‘I think it’s time we talked about our money dealings.’
‘Will you get your promotion at least this year?’
‘How much money are you going to give your parents? Be careful on how much you give them as we have many bills to settle.’
Most often, your conversation with your husband is a procession of questions. Your husband does not like answering your questions as he feels you are trying to trap him into a commitment he would not be able to fulfill.
Your husband also feels your questions degrades his ability to handle family problems.
He is angry when you question him about his personal matters as he feels it as a restriction to his freedom. And he loves his freedom more than anything else. So he feels it safe to pull away from you.
‘Let us talk later’ his abrupt reply makes you feel frustrated and angry, doesn’t it?
In actual fact, your husband is buying time. He wants to delay confrontation with you.
A husband pulls away from his wife when her interaction does not interest him.
Often you don’t talk about topics that interest your husband.
Shall we look at the conversation you have with your husband?
‘How is my dress?’ you naturally want to know how he feels about your dress.
‘It looks good’ says your husband. And he feels he has answered your question.
‘What do you like in my dress? You are not satisfied by the answer of your husband. So you question him again.
‘I like the color’ says your husband. Inwardly he feels why this big fuss about a dress.
‘Don’t you like my accessories? I specially bought it for this dress.’ you would not let your husband get away that easily.
But, your husband is utterly bored. He is done with the subject.
You should have felt happy at his first comment. When you drag the topic to the tether end, your husband completely loses his interest. What is there in a dress?’ his male attitude feels.
‘How painstakingly I dressed for this occasion. He doesn’t love me enough to appreciate it properly’ your womanly attitude makes you fume helplessly.
Mostly husband pulls away from his wife when she drags the conversation on and on about topics he is not interested in.
Do you want another example of how you make him feel irritated by your behavior?
Suppose your husband is watching his favorite football match. And you feel you must give him companionship. Your husband scarcely looks at you as he interestingly watches the match. And you want to show him your interest in his passion for sports.
‘What is the name of the goal keeper?’
‘What does a penalty stroke mean?’
‘What happened that you are clapping?’
Your husband snaps at you to keep quiet. You shrink inside in helpless anger.
You feel you are making good conversation with your husband. But he feels otherwise. He feels you are spoiling his enjoyment.
This is where you go wrong. Your husband is not made like you, just as you are not made like him. As a woman, you like to talk about minor things in a detailed manner. Your husband does not like extending conversation beyond a limit.
You like questioning. Your husband hates answering. Your husband goes into his shell when your questions become probing. He feels you are trying to trap him.
This is the topmost reason why a husband pulls away from his wife.
This does not mean your husband has stopped loving you. He indeed loves you. But he wants you to understand his male expectations. He wants you to acknowledge his need for personal space. Your husband wants you to stop asking him trapping questions.
When you talk his language, your husband will stop pulling away from you.
Mila says
My husband is a very egoistic person . He doesn’t like to talk much explain or discuss things with me why is he behaving such ?
He has an attitude that he just misjudge me and doesn’t take the point to understand me why is he behaving such way , meanwhile certain matter I have to beg and persuade him to help me or get this done can u explain to me how to handle this kind of a person?
Mathi says
Hi Mila,
Do you know being egoistic is one form of insecurity?
Your husband too might be feeling emotionally insecure.
Do you behave in a way that makes your husband hold himself away from you?
Don’t be begging and pleading for love. Your husband will feel even more egoistic. Talk to him with confidence. You are his life partner and not his servant.
Have a frank talk with your husband about why he does not like discussing things with you. Keep your tone friendly and understanding. Try to understand your husband from his viewpoint. Analyze why he is behaving in such a misjudging manner with you. See whether you are committing unknown relationship blunders that is making your husband withdrawn.
Vipin says
Dear Mathi Madam,
I’m agreeing what you explained here 100%. Being an unsuccessful husband for 7 years I know the reasons which are almost same what you written here…But how to change her mindset and deeds, that I really don’t know. And I’m quite unhappy when others play their life smoothly even though the partners are not fully transparent to each other. I know I’m far more better than those husbands but then also my life became unsuccessful…I wanted to talk to you madam
Mathi says
Hi Vioin,
Don’t compare your married life with others. You never know what other couples are undergoing. When you compare your life with others you will find that yours is lacking in many ways. This will lead to untold unhappiness and depression. I don’t know what you mean by saying that you are a unsuccessful husband. If it means that you are not able to satisfy your wife emotionally, you need not worry too much about it. Every marriage goes through a rough patch. As a woman your wife will be emotional. Unless you cater to her emotional needs you cannot win her love. You must communicate your love emphatically so that your wife feels it. If your wife is not satisfied with your earnings, it will be very tough for you. You must talk to your wife about your feelings. Most marriages fail because of the lack of communication. Unless you talk about your feelings your wife is not going to know about it.