Your selfish spouse never thinks of your needs at all, isn’t it?
It is always I and me with him\her.
Your selfish spouse only thinks about his\her needs.
But when it comes to family problems, he\she holds himself\herself aloof from it. He\she coolly points you as the reason behind it.
Very, very mean and selfish of him\her isn’t it?
It is very boring to live with a spouse who only thinks of himself\herself.
After marriage you expect love and care from your spouse. You need his\her selfless support to shoulder the family responsibilities.
What are the characteristics of a selfless spouse?
- He\she is very supportive in all family problems.
- He\she respects your viewpoint.
- He\she listens to your ideas.
- Your selfless spouse wants to fulfill your wishes.
- He\she never thrusts his\her responsibilities on you.
- Your selfless spouse does not thrust his\her family on you.
- He\she respects your individuality.
- He\she loves you without being clinging and over-possessive.
- Your selfless spouse is very adjusting and tolerating.
Selfish spouse is hell to live with, as he\she is very mean and one-sided
How does your selfish spouse expose the meaner side of him\her?
- He\she only thinks of his\her needs
- You are the one to make compromise after a fight, even though your spouse is wrong.
- You have to handle family problems solely. Your selfish spouse will have nothing to do with it.
- You must be responsible, not him\her
- His\her wish should be given priority, not yours.
- Your selfish spouse always talks about himself\herself.
- He\she never likes sharing.
- He\she goes into violent anger when his\her wish is denied.
- He\she wants you to behave only according to his\her mindset.
- Your selfish spouse is egoistic and would never give in to your wishes.
- He\she does not accept your views as he\she feels it is against his\her comfort level.
Phew! Rather a long list, isn’t it?
How boring and tiresome your married life is.
‘My wife always thinks of herself in every aspect of our married life’ my cousin’s son told me gloomily.
‘How do you say so?’ I asked him confusedly.
‘She decides the brands of anything we buy. She becomes wild with anger if I suggest another brand.’
‘She will spend time with her friends, but I cannot do it with my friends. She will nag me as though I did not care for the family.’
‘She spends tons of money on beauty parlors. But I cannot spend a penny on me.’
‘She buys umpteen dresses, but yells if I buy a new one for myself. “Why are you wasting money when you have so many unused shirts” her screeching voice jars my ears.’
‘I can go on and on about her selfish nature. Nowadays I am so bored to talk about it as I ceased to care about her’ he ended wearily.
Well, his wife was indeed selfish. The poor boy must be suffering like hell.
Married life is a great and responsible commitment. It takes two to fulfill them.
A good marriage is all about two selfless people.
‘In almost every marriage there is a selfish and an unselfish partner. A pattern is set up and soon becomes inflexible, of one person always making the demands and one person always giving way.’- Iris Murdoch
This is the sorry state of most marriages.
It is very rare to see both being selfless and responsible.
While you are responsible, your selfish spouse takes it easy. He\she thrusts the burden of looking after the family on your willing shoulder.
Your selfish spouse makes your married life highly taxing by being very demanding and commanding about his\her needs. You are always in the receiving end. This makes you feel used and uncared.
How should you handle your selfish spouse?
- You should not let him\her have his\her way always.
- Be very firm that you too should have a say in family matters.
- Never play a mother\father to the selfish demands of your spouse.
- Shouldering all responsibilities make your spouse even more selfish.
Conclusion about the ways to deal with your selfish spouse
Make your selfish spouse understand that family responsibilities are mutual. He\she cannot always be demanding about his\her wishes. Good marriages always have a give and take policy. It is never one sided. Make him\her understand it.