You resort to snooping on your spouse as you have all sort of doubts about him\her, don’t you?
It is an indecent, crass, and gross thing to do. It kills the decency in your marriage.
What does snooping on your spouse actually mean?
It is the spying and prying you do when there is no trust in your relationship.
‘I think my husband is having an affair’ Seetha, my friend told me.
‘Why do you say so? I asked her confusedly.
‘Well, my husband is persistently late from office. If I ask him, he says his official work makes him late. It is a lie. I asked his colleagues. They say there is no such extra work’ Seetha was confirmed that her husband was having an affair.
‘I checked his phone. His messages are always deleted. What more proof can there be that my husband is cheating me? My friend fumed.
‘Today I had a big showdown with my husband. He denies cheating me. He was very furious that I snooped on him. He says that it was because of my suspicious nature that he does not confide in me’ Seetha looked frustrated.
‘He also says that he goes to meet his parents after his office hours. Since I don’t get along with them, he did not confide in me. But, still I have doubts that he is having an illicit affair. I must check his whereabouts to see if he is telling me the truth’ my friend never knew that her snooping was going to ruin her marriage.
You resort to snooping on your spouse, only when there is no basic trust in your marriage.
You don’t snoop on your spouse when you trust him\her. Trust and faith in your spouse is very important for your marriage to survive. Suspicion in married life is very dangerous as it can totally destroy your relationship.
You do not have a moment of peace when you doubt your spouse.
What are the repercussions of your snooping?
It eventually destroys and wrecks your marriage.
‘Putting your love, and understanding to each other little by little, day by day is the perfect recipe for a stronger relationship.’ – Jayjay Guillermo.
What are the reasons you resort to snooping on your spouse?
- You spy your spouse when you doubt his\her loyalty towards you.
- You are suspicious that he\she is hoarding money without you knowing about it.
- You doubt his\her relationship with his\her friends of the opposite sex.
- You doubt that your spouse is helping his\her parents behind your back.
What are the kinds of snooping you do?
- You check his\her emails and messages.
- You check his\her bank account.
- You question his\her friends about his\her whereabouts.
- In extreme cases, you hire a detective to spy on him\her.
- You sneak into his\her Facebook account.
- You eavesdrop his\her mobile conversations.
Can you see how you stoop to a new low when you do these things to your spouse?
Why don’t you clarify your doubts with your spouse?
Much better than snooping on him\her, you know.
Sadly, you never clarify your doubts with your spouse.
Why is it so?
You do not have friendly relationship with your spouse. Friendliness in your relationship is necessary to make your interaction frank and candid. You sort out your misgivings with him\her reasonably and sensibly.
But, friendship in marriage is nowadays a very rare phenomenon. You have to censor your words when interacting with your spouse. You have to think twice before talking with him\her. This is the common scenario of modern marriages.
This is the reason why you snoop on your spouse instead of clarifying your doubts with him\her.
Lack of transparency is yet another reason why you snoop on your spouse. When there is no transparency in your relationship, you are very unsure of him\her. Your mind is chaotic and muddled with suspicion and distrust about his\her day-to-day activities.
Do you inquire about your spouse with his\her friends\colleagues?
You make your suspicion public and open to gossip.
Your married life is very personal to you, isn’t it?
Do you want others discussing it?
Don’t do it.
Money is yet another reason for your snooping on your spouse. You feel that your spouse has more money than what he\she states to you. You verify the passbook of your spouse when he\she is not there. You sneak into his\her online account.
Does snooping on your spouse give you a true picture of him\her?
It does not.
You assume everything from your angle which is not always be true. You make yourself sick with misery because you have many misleading information about your spouse.
This is where friendliness with your spouse comes to your help. Your doubts are cleared by him\her directly. You feel absolutely relieved of your misgivings.
Imagine the indignation of your spouse when you confront him\her of your snooping and doubting accusations. He\she realizes that you had been snooping behind his\her back.
Snooping on your spouse leads to inevitable arguments between you. Both accuse each other with harsh words. He\she is terribly infuriated if your accusations are wrong.
Never clarify your doubts when your emotions are all heated up and keyed up, as your words will be very harsh and accusing.
It is very easy to ruin your marriage by your snooping nature.
Do you like it if your spouse snoops on you?
You are terribly upset, aren’t you?
It is the same with your spouse also.
What should you do if your doubts are authentic and real?
You should not snoop, but directly ask your spouse about your doubts. You should not confront him\her aggressively as it makes the atmosphere in your relationship hostile and oppressive.
Do you want to end your marriage by being all accusing?
Or, do you want to make it work by being all understanding?
I have known couples who overcame their suspicion. Their marriage survived. Snooping and spying scenes makes a movie\ story very interesting. But it makes your married life tense, tedious, and oppressive.
So, build your marriage on mutual faith. Never peep into your spouse. Rather look at each other with trust.
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