Do you know you have to stop the blame game in relationship if you want to save your marriage?
You often blame your spouse for all the problems you face in your family. This makes your spouse feel enraged that you are coolly distancing yourself from guilt, and thrusting the whole blame on him\her.
Yes.
You blame your spouse for almost everything in your family life.
- If your spouse does not share your household chores, you blame him\her as being insensitive and indifferent.
- When there is a financial problem in the family, you feel your spouse is the only culprit.
- You blame your spouse for his\her lack of responsibility.
- You blame each other vehemently whenever there is a family issue.
Your reasons for blaming your spouse is endless and limitless.
- You want to prove yourself right and your spouse wrong.
- You want to give tit-for-tat for the blame your spouse often indulges against you.
- You want to change your spouse for the better, but end up doing it the wrong way – the blaming way.
- You do not want accept your faults as you are egoistic. So, you find it easy to thrust the blame on your spouse.
In fact, most couples play blaming game against each other persistently.
You are so intent on blaming your spouse, that you never realize you are indirectly pushing your marriage towards failure.
“It was you who made this financial blunder. How are you going to solve it? How are you going to allocate money for the repayment? I would have nothing to do with it” the shrill voice of my cousin jarred my ears as I was about to enter her house.
She was having a bitter argument with her husband, regarding a financial mess her family was presently facing.
“How can you blame me? You were very adamant on buying that costly car. I told you it was beyond our means and that the installments would cut into our budget. But you insisted that you can manage it. Now, you are putting the total blame on me” her husband retorted back angrily.
I could see that they were having a disagreement about their mutual decision to buy a costly car. I knew that their income did not warrant the financial risk they took, when they bought a high-end car. But, they felt that their social status would go up if they owned such a luxurious car.
Nothing wrong in that.
But the trouble started, when they could not manage the monthly installments.
It is quite natural for any couples to disagree on decisions they make, isn’t it?
But what amazed me was, how both were isolating each other from the mutual financial mistake they had made. They pointed blaming and accusing fingers at each other, instead of trying to solve their problem. They were playing the blaming game to the hilt.
You have to stop the blame game in relationship if you want your marriage to survive.
Never try to isolate yourself from the mutual mistakes both make. Do not single out your spouse, to accuse him\her for any problems you face in your family.
It is always better to put your heads together, to solve your family issues.
What happens when you play the blame game in relationship?
- Your spouse feels bitter at the selfish attitude you display by thrusting the total blame on him\her.
- He\she isolates himself\herself from you.
- Anger and bitterness wrecks your relationship.
- Both feel that the other is selfish and unreasonable.
- Your interaction is very blaming and accusing.
This makes your spouse drift away from you, emotionally and mentally.
You achieve nothing by blaming your spouse. Your spouse is not your enemy, that you should thrash him\her with your self- centered accusations.
Here are the easy ways to stop the blame game in relationship.
- Instead of blaming your spouse, you should accept your mistake.
- Apologize for the mistake you had made.
- Your spouse should forgive your unknowingly done blunder.
- Solve your family problems with responsibility and commitment.
- Realize that you and your spouse are in the same team.
But this does not happen in your marriage.
You make a mockery of your marriage by being together when the going is good. But once problems crop up in your family, your interaction with your spouse undergoes a drastic and negative change.
You immediately draw away from your spouse. You point accusing fingers at your spouse, as the reason behind the setback your family faces.
Why does your marriage become a nightmare of blaming games, after a few months of togetherness?
When in love, you were very much together. Both discussed your future family life with great excitement. You linked hands with him\her in yearning love. You used words like “we and ours” whenever you interacted with your spouse.
The words “we and ours” are magic words. It shows, how much you support each other in your relationship. This is why your love days are memorable and unforgettable.
But after marriage, your conversation with your spouse contains mostly “you and I”
‘You and I” are bitter and isolating words in your married life.
“You are the reason for this mess” – A blame which destroys your emotional togetherness.
“You have to solve your own problems” –Words which isolate you from your spouse.
“I will have nothing to do with it” – The word isolating yourself from your family problems.
After marriage, you drift away from your spouse when he\she faces any issues. You do not support him\her emotionally and financially. There are less of the words ‘we and ‘our’ in your conversation.
Added responsibilities and commitments after marriage makes interaction with your spouse intolerable and accusing. It is indeed sad that your communication with your spouse changes from excitement to resentful allegations after marriage.
You have to stop blame game in relationship. There is a better way of handling your problems.
‘Let us overcome our problems together’ – the right to excellent relationship.
‘We did it’ – an extraordinary sharing of your happiness and achievement.
Problems shared together will flood your relationship with intense bonding. You feel less stressed when you have a warm shoulder to lean on. Sorrow shared together will make you come even closer.
Understand the beauty of the words ‘we’, ‘us’, and ‘our’. They are extraordinary sharing words.
CONCLUSION
You and your spouse are very human and so prone to mistakes.
Do not make the faults of your spouse a big issue. When you stop the blame game in relationship, it easily brings in care, love, and emotional security into your marriage.
Here is the link to my “Marriage Realities”
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNrT3KOkTU5ITQMyYnVsxGQ
info4worldx says
Useful post