Suspicion in marriage is like a devil which destroys your relationship.
It is because when your spouse is suspicious about you, the changeover that comes in your relationship robs all the niceties from your married life.
Yes!
When there is suspicion in marriage, trust bids goodbye from your relationship and distrust takes its place.
This is dangerous to your marriage.
Unless there is trust between you, you cannot enjoy a moment of peace in your marriage.
It is hardcore fact that trust is the topmost ingredient to a happy and peaceful married life.
In fact, all marriages are built on trust and hope. It is true that love makes your married life stable and emotionally secure. But it is trust which makes your relationship meaningful and worthy.
Love and trust in married life are interlinked and interconnected. You cannot enjoy your relationship without the combination of both these essential qualities.
When there is true love between you, both trust each other consistently and incessantly.
Mutual loyalty makes your relationship beautiful and meaningful.
But suppose your spouse does not trust you!
What happens to your married life now?
Suspicion in marriage is the worst possible crisis which pushes your relationship to the brink of failure
What happens when you experience suspicion in marriage?
- Your spouse spies your whereabouts without your knowledge.
- By feeling doubtful about your loyalty, your spouse checks the messages in your mobile.
- You are appalled when your spouse also has a sneak look at your emails.
Naturally you are enraged by the audacious behavior of your spouse.
Your spouse is distrusting your loyalty. You cannot bear to tolerate it.
What makes you angry when your spouse behaves in such a suspicious way?
Your integrity is being questioned.
Your loyalty towards your spouse is suspected.
“When suspicion enters marriage through the back door, happiness in the family goes through the front door” my mother always tells me.
She is hundred percent correct.
Suspicion in marriage destroys your marital happiness. When your spouse doubts your activities, you do not have a moment of peace.
The suspicion driven mind of your spouse assumes the worst about your loyalty towards him\her. You come under his\her doubting scanner.
What happens when your spouse is suspicious about you?
- Your spouse becomes frenzied with anger when you are a wee bit late from your work.
- Your doubting spouse assumes that you are disloyal to him\her even when you talk with your friends\relatives\colleagues.
- Your spouse is distrustful by your professional friendliness with the opposite sex.
- He\she keeps calling you spouse to check your whereabouts.
- Your spouse doubtfully checks your social media activities.
What makes your spouse feel suspicious about you?
Over possessiveness makes your spouse feel that you do not love him\her enough. So, he\she has all sorts of doubts about you.
When your are late from work, the imagination of your spouse runs wild.
“You are having fun with your friends\colleagues behind my back” your spouse is decisive about your disloyalty towards him\her. Inevitably there is a hostile showdown between you. Your tired and demoralized mindset feels enraged by the outrageous imagination of your suspicious spouse.
Lack of confidence is yet another breeding ground for suspicion in marriage.
Suspicion actually breeds in an unhealthy and unsure mind. When your spouse has low self-esteem, he\she is envious about your success. He\she sees everything about you in a doubting manner.
Your friendliness with the opposite sex is assumed as flirting by your spouse. Even your professional call to your colleagues is evesdropped by your suspicious spouse.
- Suspicion makes your interaction with your spouse very tensed and heated up.
- When he\she asks you doubting and provoking questions, you are furious about his\her attitude.
- The suspicious nature of your spouse makes you fight bitterly with him\her.
- You become mentally tired trying to prove your loyalty to your doubting spouse.
The bitterness and resentment the suspicious nature of your spouse brings into your relationship finally destroys your marriage.
In married life mutual trust and love for each other is an absolute necessity for your relationship to thrive.
My experience
I had an excellent friendship with my husband. The trust we had in each other was as strong as iron.
A member of his family was out to destroy our relationship. I started having anonymous calls from a woman who said that she was his wife.
“Do you know I have two sons and your husband in their father? I have equal rights over him” she blabbered.
Yes. The woman was blabbering.
Not for one second did I doubt my husband. I trusted him implicitly and without an iota of doubt.
I did not answer back but banged the phone down.
“So you have another family. Is she so beautiful that you married her also? But I fail to see what she sees in you” I teased my husband after telling him about the call.
“I cannot manage with one wife. How can I manage two wives” my husband smiled back. Both of us burst out laughing. The poor woman never knew she did not bring up even a small dust of suspicion into our relationship.
That should be the faith in your marriage!
Strong and intense!
Never ever allow suspicion enter your relationship. Everything is lost in your marriage when there is no trust between you.
How to avoid suspicion in marriage?
- There should be no misconstruing the activities of each other.
- Both should not wrongly assume that there is cheating going on behind your back.
- Both should never ever check the mobile phones of each other.
- No eavesdropping between you.
- Do not try to confirm your doubts through a third person. This mistake creates terrible negative impact in your relationship.
- If any of you have valid reasons to suspect the fidelity of the other, ask your doubts directly.
- Accept the clarifications and explanations given without reservations.
- There should be no repeated suspicious allegations about being cheated.
Conclusion
‘To be suspicious is not a fault. To be suspicious all the time without coming to a conclusion is the defect.’ –Lu Xun
Suspicion in marriage is like an octopus which crushes your marriage by its awesome tentacles. You find it near impossible to remain in a marriage when you are being doubted.
What is to you is for your spouse also. Never become suspicious because of your imaginary doubts. Build trust into your relationship. Trust your each other wholeheartedly. It makes your relationship go from strength to strength.
Jennifer says
Hello I have been married for just over a year now and let’s just say it’s already off to a rough start. First off he follows my facebook all day and tries to play detective at the end of the day. Questions every response I make or will say something along the lines of “why don’t you just go talk to so and so.” My phone is totally open to him. It is never locked and I am always logged into FB because I have zero need to lock it. He calls me 20 times a day to see what I am doing, even if he knows I’m just house cleaning. If I’m on my phone late at night he starts throwing accusations around. I can’t even go visit my parents without 1000 questions and 10phone calls. Last night he accused me of some craziness out of the blue so while he took the boys swimming today I search for his phone because he didn’t take it with him. I searched EVERYWHERE and could not find it. He recently put a new lock on it and said an app automatically Installed it. Anyways he comes home from the pool and within 5mins of me not.paying attention he all of a sudden had it. I asked where he had it he said “put up” he has never in the 3yrs hidden his phone like that. Then he continued to tell me it didn’t matter where he had it, it was non of my business. I simply don’t know what to think!!!!
Mathi says
Jennifer,
Your marriage problem can be easily solved if you talk frankly and reasonably with your husband.
Just because your husband is being suspicious you should not keep spying on him. Your husband is being very immature and callous in calling on you to check on you. Tell him firmly that you will not tolerate it. Both should respect the privacy of each other. This is the only way to make your marriage work. Trusting each other is a must to make your marriage last.
Rosie says
Hello I’ve been married for about 2 years now and during my first year of marriage my husband cheated on me thru social media. I definitely developed trust issues and have a tendency to check his phone because of what he did. It’s been a rocky road and recently noticed that he has been talking with his ex the mother of his daughter more than usual. They have always had a horrible relationship never have been able to get along and all of a sudden they start talking.. The ex recently has had a lot of domestic violence in her relationship and I don’t know what’s going on between her and my husband. I feel like I need to check his phone to be at peace. I feel scared.
Mathi says
Rosie,
Instead of checking on your husband, you should ask him directly your doubts. You have all rights to know about his interaction with his ex. Don’t fight with him. Talk in a friendly manner. Might be the common conversation with his ex is his daughter. You can invite his daughter over to your house and make him spend some quality time with her. But it takes immense understanding to do it.
Don’t put off your husband by being suspicious. Patience is very needed now for your relationship. It is no use checking his phone. It will make you a nervous wreck. Talk to your husband directly.
Chloe says
My insecurity, suspicion, jealousy drive my spouse and myself crazy, and we have been married for six months only. Before my marriage, I had been a 7 years long relationship, my past relationship I had so much doubts of ex-boyfriend, I checked his phone often and I know he is so addicted to pornography which hurt me a lot. So I guess from my past experience and shadow.. I can’t really trust anybody but myself, I’m always super protective to myself because I’m just so scared to get hurt.
My husband and I we are Christian, he loves me so much. He does everything he could to make me happy. But I feel that my insecurity, suspicion and jealousy always push him away and ruin my marriage gradually. I check his phone, social media, e-mail often. I wish I could gain trust from my spouse. Sometimes, he talks to his old friend who is a girl, even I see their conversation are super normal and nothing. I still get super upset, jealous and angry, only because I’m scared he might do something behind me someday. I always create nothing into something, always twist the truth. I’m so so tired of my crazy behavior, I need to be done with it today!
I desperately need help. I can’t let my marriage destroyed like this.
Mathi says
Chloe,
You are doing everything wrong. The loser is going to be you. Your past experience should not interfere into your present married life. Trust is the top ingredient which makes your marriage work. What you are doing will make your husband unhappy and bitter. He will withdraw from you. You do not want it, do you?
Trust your husband. Enjoy his love. Make him feel loved and cared. Do not spy on him. Your husband will hate it if he knows about it. When you take suspicion off your mind you will definitely change for the better and enjoy your married life. Good luck.
Mathi says
Thank you Vikrant.
Dinusha says
Me and my husband are married for 7 years now and we have two beautiful kids. But we have been undergoing turbulence due to my controlling behaviour. Very recently I found that he has been chatting with a work friend about our marriage problems. And she too has been sharing her intimate problems online. Is this normal? Has he been cheating on me?I talked to him n he said that he needed someone to share his stress. But when I saw a message sent by her he has told her that I saw the message n they have stopped chatting again thinking it might affect the married lives of each other.
Mathi says
Dinusha,
When you are too controlling, your husband will feel apprehensive to share his feellings with you. You have to change your controlling habit if you want your marrige to survive. As for your husband chatting with his colleague, I think you need not worry about it. Your husband might have just shared his problems with her to relieve his stress. Since they have stopped chatting it obviously means there is nothing serious in their relationship. So, dont argue with your husband about it though it is a good thing you clarified your doubts.
No man likes a controlling wife. Will you like it if your husband was dominating and controlling?
You would’nt.
It is the same with your husband. You should definetly change if you want your husband to share his feelings only with you.
Jahangir says
you just hit the right point. My wife is 10/10 on this point. I tried to make her understand but she is adamant with her speech saying that you are characterless……
Jenny says
I came across this article right now as I am lying on my bed searching for confirmation that my husband is up to no good. I realized after reading this that we have been together for 10 years, married for 5, and I have never ever trusted my husband. He’s never done anything to deserve it. 75% of our fights have been over distrust for no reason. He goes to a work event without me and I am pouring through his bank statements and checking his phone, social media, and even social media of his coworkers to see if I spy him in photos doing something untoward.
My husband told me recently, “Jennifer it’s time that you finally trust me. I’ve worked too hard for this life to throw it away. Nothing has ever happened and nothing ever will.” I believe him wholeheartedly yet I allow myself to go down these rabbit holes.
Reading this article was the first time I got a sense of relief. I realized it’s not my husband, it’s me, and it’s suspicion. He has not been unfaithful but I have, in that, I am constantly making him answer for things he hasn’t done. Thank you for this it was an answer to prayers.
Mathi says
Jenny,
This is the best compliment I have ever recieved. Thank you!
Suspicion is a terrible relationship killer. I am happy that you have overcome it.
Sheena says
My husband woke me up at 4am today (i sleep in the kids’ room because my youngest breastfeeds and I work all day so I am too tired to even get up to go back to our room) looking for my phone. I gave it to him. I asked what’s going on and he says what have I been up to? I just woke up so I didn’t know how to answer. He says I have been flirting with a colleague through text which was crazy because I am not attracted to any of my 3 coworkers. Plus i bring my kids to work so there is no room for flirting or even thinking about it. Apparently he woke up uncomfortable and saw lesions on his privates and his bestfriend google told him it’s std. I am hurt and dumfounded that instead of getting checked first, that’s the first thing he thought. He’a always suspicious in the 8 yrs of being married but I brushed it off because his 3 exes all cheated on him. I have been so patient and losing my wits trying to prove him otherwise but I really don’t know if he will change. We hardly have sex and that I think is because either I am not in the mood from working, caring for kids 24/7 plus I homeschool. And when I plant to pleasure him later that night, he gets irrationally angry hours prior about some little thing that makes me not be in the mood. I don’t know anymore… right now I fear for my me that i will be homeless because he earns the biggest chunk of our income and I will lose my kids. I cannot even talk to my few friends here because he is also friends with the husbands. I seriously am feeling lost and confused.
Mathi says
Hi Sheena,
It is sad that your husband is suspicious about you for no valid reason.
When your husband was cheated by his former girl friends, he must have felt that women always cheat. This is the reason your husband is behaving in an unreasonable manner with you.
Don’t lose your marriage by not having a frank talk with your husband as if you delay, his suspicion can wreck your marriage. You must be communicative. Your husband might not reciprocate properly in the initial stages. But when you keep interacting he will become more drawn towards you.
Don’t sleep in another room. You have to be with your husband to make your marriage work.
I think your husband is worried that he might have contacted STD. Ask him to have himself checked by a doctor. Remember you have to be very patient to draw your husband towards you.
Don’t talk about your relationship issues with your friends. It will never help you. It will only make them gossip about you. The person you have to talk with is your husband.
john says
hi, I’ve been married for 6 months now and I feel like i need someone to share this matter too….my wife has a large family of 5 uncles and all live together…now she has male cousins and after marriage even though she doesnt interact with the cousins much, one particular cousin i suspect may be her love…my suspicions arise mainly because of 2 reasons, first on our first night, she didnt bleed and even though it’s a fact that not all women bleed on their first time, i cant seem to shake it off, i keep getting that reminder in my mind again and again…
even though she herself told me that even she was confused why she didnt bleed, but when her aunts asked her the same, she lied to them that she bled(maybe social pressure)….secondly whenever she talks about her childhood or refers to her cousins, most of it has mentions of this guy and also when referring to her cousins she uses his name like”x and all”
yesterday when i used her phone there was a call to that cousin from her phone at 1am in the night and when i asked her she said her sister used it to call him to get some food, i asked at 1am? to which she replied if its 1am then she doesn’t know why the sister called him because she was asleep then(its true that sister doesnt have phone)
i do not want to be suspicious of my wife, i love her and i want to trust her, but i cant keep these thoughts out of my mind, they keep coming back whenever i am alone..i do not know how to end this suspicions
Mathi says
Hi John,
Don’t get suspicious about your wife without reason. It could destroy your marriage. Might be your wife is being just friendly with the cousin you mentioned. Her friendship does not mean she is being disloyal to you.
Don’t attach too much importance to what happened in your first night. You can ask any gynaecologist. They will tell you that it is very normal and has nothing to do with your wife’s virginity. So. don’t be confused and doubtful.
You have been married just for six months. It takes time for you to understand your wife. Don’t be hasty and ask doubting questions to your wife and make her unhappy. Forgo your doubts and enjoy your married life. Good luck.
Ruthie says
I tend to be suspicious of my husband. Never tells me where he’s going. Always returning late. Always too busy to go out with me but finds time to hang out with friends. He’s so uncaring and selfish. I once discovered through his phone that he was seeing another lady. He denied it when I asked but I found messages they exchanged several times.
After that, he started locking his phone so I believe he’s hiding something.
Am afraid my marriage may be over soon. After 9years and 3 children. Don’t know what to do.
Mathi says
Hi Ruthie,
It is sad that your husband is behaving in a suspicious nature. Being secretive in a married life lead to many doubts and apprehensions. It might also finally destroy your marriage.
Initially rule out mistakes from your side. Are you nagging and pestering? Your husband will not like it. If you are loving and understanding, your husband will never leave you. As a man your husband will never want to lose the comfort of his family. Just like you, he too will love his children. As for his seeing another woman, it might be just physical. It will never last. But it in no way justifies the behavior of your husband. You must definitely clarify your doubts with your husband. One word of caution though. Don’t become aggressive and accusing. If you do so, your husband will never open out. Talk in a friendly and reasonable manner so that he feels confident to talk with you frankly and truthfully.
Sarah says
Hi I have been married for 7 years now. But just recently I have all the sudden been very insecure and suspicious of my husband. It started when I seen his Instagram account. I would go through the people he followed and it was all women/models. It also hurt because he didn’t even follow me, his own wife. I talked to him about it and how much it hurt me and he said he would just delete his Instagram if i didnt like it, which he did and i deleted mine as well. But my suspicions continued, it got so bad that id constantly check his phone every chance i got even though i never found anything. It got so bad that my husband found out i had been going through his phone and got very upset about it and ended up changing his password on it. This has been driving me nuts knowing that i can’t get into his phone anymore. I love my husband with all of my heart and deep down i know that he would never cheat on me so why do i still feel this way? I dont want my insecurity to hurt our marriage. Ive tried talking to him about it and all he says is why do i have to be so insecure.
Mathi says
Hi Sarah< It is indeed sad that mindless using of the social media is destroying many marriages. Your husband has done what most men do, that is being enamored by attractive women. That he has deleted his instagram acccount is a good signal that your husband cares for your emotions. Don't lose it by being suspicious. When you are suspicious you will become doubtful about whatever your husband does. It will destroy your mental peace. And if you keep arguing about it, it could destroy your marriage. Don't attach too much importance to his following other women in his instagram account. You say that you know that your husband will not cheat you. Then there is no need for worry. Let go your suspicion and enjoy your married life. It would do you a world of good.
Karthiga says
Hi, my husband has over drinking habits, we are married for three years, for past three years I was suffering with his habits. He used to sit at bar through out a day at times and he also comes home late very often, for each and every small problem between us, he used to drink a lot taking that as a reason, all these days this over drinking habits of my husband was hurting me lot, But recently I started checking his mobile, in that I saw a blocked number, it was a number of a lady who does phone sex when I checked it in google, when I asked my husband directly about this, he replied he just tried it for the first time and wanted to explore and he showed me the mobile bill to prove that he talked only for few seconds, but I was not ready to believe his words because he usually lies for everything, so I asked him for before Month bills when he was boozed, he sent all the bills when he was in a boozed state, in that particularly May 2019 on 7th , I had come across many numbers of Sex Spa and massages in Bangalore, we live in Bangalore, when I asked him about this, he told he just tried it when he was drunken out of frustration, but he told that he didn’t went there, he showed me the bank transactions statement on that particular day, but I am not able to trust him, but I want to trust his words ,so I will be keeping on asking some questions arising in my mind regarding that, my husband is getting recently irritated by my nagging behavior,so he drank lot with out going job and now he lost his job, now whenever he comes late , I feel suspicious for each and every thing , Before he also takes room sometimes and drink with friends , Initially during our marriage, I had also seen some Porn photos in my husband’s phone photo gallery, when I asked, he told that was spam message sent to him in what’s app, since he is a software engineer he told that it’s normal to receive such spam messages, after Co relating all these, now I feel he is cheating me by having fun with some call girls , I couldn’t be in peace, I couldn’t able focus on my profession too, recently I became highly suspicious in nature , I feel that my husband is cheating me and I started investigating my husband all the time , now what should I do to work out this relationship and come out of this suspicious nature and gain the trust in my husband,
Mathi says
Hi Karthiga,
It is surprising that you have done nothing to rehabilitate your husband. He cannot go on a drinking spree forgeting you. You should first get him out of this dangerous habit. Has your husband found a new job? Never make him laze around while you earn. This will create needless problems in your marriage.
Talk to your husband when he has not drunk. It is then he will be rational. Tell him firmly that you will not tolerate his behavior.
I don’t think you can get spam porn photos if you are a software engineer. Get him out of this nasty habit. But you cannot do it if you are nagging and suspicious. You must be friendly and sensible when dealing with this problem.
First make your husband stay back at home with you.
When you are loving and caring, your husband might lose interest in drinks and other unwanted habits.
It is true that you cannot be patient when your husband indulges in such habits. But you have no other go if you want to save your marriage. So, be patient and at the same time convey the message that your husband cannot play around with your emotions.
Karthiga says
Thanks for your reply , it was very helpful for me , as per your advice , I had talked with my husband , now he had reduced his drinking habits and he also got new job last month
Sheena says
If the husband talks to girls secretly behind me and gives different version for explanations around that girl, is he not giving the wife reason to suspect? How can wife blindly trust the husband when husband is not being truthful?
Mathi says
Hi Sheena,
It is true that you should not suspect your husband at the drop of the hat. But when your doubts are confirmed, you should definitely confront him. You cannot be silent at that time. If you do not question your husband when he cheats you, you might lose your marriage.
Emma says
Hi there,
Me and my husband have been married 7 years now, we have 3 kids.
Since Feb this year I started going to the gym and joined exercise activities for a change. I convinced him to join but he insists. Everytime I go, I would come home to him asking so many random questions about the people or whoever was at the gym etc, which makes me very mad at times because I feel like he doesn’t trust me.
I tried talking to him that there’s nothing going on but seems like he still doesn’t trust me. This is still going on. I’m shocked sometimes because we always have sex most of the time, yet he still doesn’t fully trust me. He’s always going through my phone and checking up on me as if I am a bad wife
I’m keep myself cool and calm most of the time, but I get too emotional sometimes when it’s too much! I even feel like giving up sometimes too but my parents give us advise then we reconcile, two weeks later he does the same thing again.
What should I do?
Please advise
Mathi says
Hi Emma,
Your husband might be curious about the way you spend your time in your gym. This does not signify that he is having doubts about you.
Does your husband ill treat you?
Does he abuse you of disloyalty?
If your husband really doubts you, he will turn abusive and insulting. Asking questions does not signify that he is being doubtful. Checking your mobile phone is wrong.
Why don’t you ask your husband about his behavior?
It is always better to sort out your doubts before it destroys your marriage. Often not talking about your problems can make you drift away from each other.
You have not written that your husband is abusive. All you have said is that he keeps asking doubting questions. Don’t pay too much attention to it. As time goes by, your husband will understand that you are going there for your health and there is nothing else to it.
Do not make it out into a big issue because it creates needless tension between you.
Emma says
Thank you for your reply.
He does insult me, verbally abuse sometimes especially when we have a heated argument. Simple issues is where he would start making all this drama a big deal and uses it to say all the things he keeps saying. He doesn’t attack me physically but verbally.. which hurts my feelings sometimes.
Josephine says
We are married for 6 years. He is s military man and spends 3 months a year with me. Since we are Indian, I stay with my in laws. I have a son 5 years old. My in laws have looked into my cell and created an issue saying to my husband that I am flirting with someone. The person I talked to was my relative . I have shared my photos with him everyday. That’s all. Not a wrong word or a flirty ones. He msged me sometime at night. But my in-laws have made a big problem and my husband says me to leave the house as I am cheating him.
Mathi says
hi Josephine,
Trust is very important if your marriage must survive. It is sad that your husband trusts your in laws more than you. Now you have to repair your marriage on your own. Don’t do anything which might create any doubts in the mind of your husband.
I think you should not have shared your photos with your relative. It might seem harmless to you, but it can be taken in a very negative way by your husband. So, the first thing you should do is to stop sharing personal pictures with your relative. Explain to your husband that your relationship with the relative was harmless. I think your husband will understand you if you state your side of the truth.
Josephine says
No ma’am. He is totally believing that I am cheating him. He uses obscene words and is ready for divorce. My in laws still checking my phone. And he says that I have to do whatever they ask me to. My husband is going to call my relatives and talk this issue when he comes home. He threatens me he has a lot of MSG’s that can prove my infidelity. But I don’t have that kind of affair with anyone. I give my whole salary to them, I am taking care of his sister’s kids. I say everything to him about my outing, friends and all. He also ordered me not to go to my parents house. I don’t know whether to fight back or to surrender to all his demands.
Josephine says
Since my parents know me and the relative well, they supported me. But my husband scolded them with disrespect. He is threatening me that he will take my son from me. My in laws are checking my cupboard when I leave the key, they check my online orders that is delivered at home. Should I have to accept all this behaviour and divorce since I made mistake of sending photos to my relative. I am not a fighter. When I get angry, I stop talking and move away. But this is my life. I love him so much. But 8 can’t degrade myself too. My parents are alone. Noone to take care of them.
Josephine says
Please reply
davi says
hie , my wife and i we’ve been married for two years now and four months into our marriage my wife starts questioning me everyday about my movement. she always checking my email ,stalking me on social media, going through my phone, countless times i told her that there is no other women but her but she never believes me, she went to the extent of accusing my family members that they are the ones helping me to cheat meanwhile thats not the case. whenever i vist my family member she fights with me, most of the times i am very comfused with her accusation, i cant even go anywhere and come home late she will couse a fight. when am home early she will ask why i came home early and if am late she will stil accuse me of cheating. often times when shes doing her suspicious she wont cook she wont wash my clothes she wont even clean the house .
i tried talking to her but everytime i am talking to her she will atack me physcaly. i dont know how to deal with her. my familly all have tied with her behaviour and they dont want anything to do with her.
Mathi says
Hi Davi,
I think your wife is feeling unsure about your love. And this emotional insecurity is making her have all sort of doubts about you. Unless you show your love for your wife, she will not feel it. You must make it a point to communicate with her when you are home. If you talk freely with your family and be reserved with your wife, she would feel doubtful about you.
So, be frank and open with your wife. Compliment her looks. Be supportive to her emotional needs. I know it will be tough for you to be demonstrative about your love when your wife is making your life a hell. But you need to cater to her emotional needs to make your wife behave normally and make you enjoy peace at home.
Krishnan says
Hi, my wife suspecting me in many ways. Not only affairs, even to watch movies, televisions. So I stopped everything, when I go out I bow down my head and go. I accepted that too.. now it reaches the level that when I heared the voice over the phone or in television, she thinks am getting wrong feeling about that women. It’s impacting my personal life, my kid even my wife is not peaceful.
Mathi says
Hi Krishnan,
It is indeed sad that your wife is needlessly being suspicious. I can understand when you say that you are feeling the impact of her suspicion in your personal life. Have you ever analyxed why your wife is behaving in such a suspicious manner? It is not normal. Do you show that your love your wife? Do you interact with her constantly?
Initially rule out mistakes from your side. If you feel that you are loyal to her and it is she that is creating such an unwanted atmosphere, it is time you ask her the reason for her behavior.
Do not fight with her. It will only aggravate the situation. Tell your wife that you love her and that she is having unwanted doubts about you. If she does not listen to you and continues tormenting you, you should lead your life without bowing to her tantrums. Not watching TV and not enjoying yuor life is not the answer to your problem. You are only going to feel depressive and gloomy. The answer to your problem lies with your wife. You must talk to her to know why she is behaving in such a unreasonable manner. There has got to be a reason. Find it out.
eshu says
Hi.. inmarried to hisbad for 4 years.. he lost his job recently n since then he started to spying me.. thongs got worse wen i texted my ex boyfriend.. it was juat a 2 days conversation over the phone.. and casual talks.. when he confronted me , i told what we were talking about but he ended up bursting to me with so hrsh words.. after thati clarified everuthing but he is still giving me mental torture by suspecting on me..
Mathi says
Hi Eshu,
I think you committed a grave mistake by texting your ex boyfriend. There is absolutely no need for it. It might seem harmless to you, but to your husband it will evoke needless doubts about you. You say that your husband has lost his job. So he must be feeling tensed and stressed. Do not do things that will ignite the doubts of your husband. The situation your husband is in is making him feel less about himself. You must have a frank talk with him and make him understand that he has not lost your love for him. This is rough patch in your married life. You will definitely get over it. Hereafterwards do not have any sort of contacts with your ex boyfriend. It will only make things worse.
Sarah says
I just read your post after a long tiring night of fight with my husband. It’s been 14 years since I’m married and I’m suspicious by nature. I have been suspicious early on in the relationship but then with time I learnt & stopped but now again I’m falling into the trap of this thing. Sometimes even when I have a chance to look at his phone, I don’t and sometimes i just can’t resist the feeling of doing it and I will.
Today, I just found that he is talking to some girl and they were just discussing business but then I don’t understand why my husband has to become extra friendly with them.
I can’t just tolerate that my husband is talking to someone of opposite sex. I want to overcome it, I try it.. but I just keep falling into the trap. Today, he has said meanest of things to me because of my doubts and nature.. he is so convinced that this will be an ongoing nature and that I can never change. Today, he even told me that he will get rid of me if I do it next time.
I don’t do it deliberately.. and I love him, but how can I save this marriage? Can I ever get my respect back? Please help me…
Mathi says
Hi Sarah,
Don’t wreck your marriage by doubting your husband. You say that your husband was talking with the opposite sex and that it was a business talk. You need not worry about it. He was being friendly with the person because to be successful in business you need to be friendly. So, do not make it into an issue. Your husband hurt your with harsh words because of your doubting nature. This does not mean he does not love you. His anger just shows his hurt and helplessness when you question him needlessly about your unwarranted doubts. Refrain from doubting your husband. And forgo your suspicious nature. It will do your marriage a world of good.
Joy says
I just wonder how to got it so well written and expressed. It is truly a place like hell to live with a suspicious husband or wife.
Such people are best left alone as singles in life because they mess other peoples lives up. It gets to a point where you can not even explain or ask for such opinion to be verified, even when you verify, it not accepted. It ruins the life of whoever is experiencing it because it leaves the heart bleeding without hope and cure.
Sam says
We have been married for 30 years. Months ago I saw personal text messages from a girl at work to my husband. The TM had come across his ipad. I was very surprised to read these personal, funny TM to him! He comes across and lives as holier than thou and even states he would never even tell a lie. I also found out she goes to his office a lot and she shuts the door for an hour or so. He spoke highly of Mike Pence never being on an elevator with another woman alone. I watched over time as the TM continued and became more frequent. He also spoke about her all the time to me, my son said it sounds like they are married. I finally did the adult thing and tried to talk to him about it. I thought that the TM were inappropriate and that they needed to stop. It was a slippery slope. He denied the door closing at work and at first said nothing to her about the TM. He went back to work and told his co-workers to change all TM to work apps with log ins and laws that go with all of that. I have never looked in his phone and have a few times now. I feel as though he lied and so I began to look. Completely out of character for me. I feel like the deceit and his lies have now separated us some what, and we are trying to get back to a good place in our marriage. He now only does his phone time when I am not in the room. He never leaves his phone. I have quit trying to look out of respect for him yet his activities make me suspicious. I peaked around doors to see this activity. I feel so dumb. How does one repair this when one person tries to have honest conversations about these things and the other one lies and looks away and has secrets? How to break the cycle? I have a different view now of my self righteous husband. I want to stay married and I believe he does too, but he has a hard time admitting what he was doing was wrong and going too far. He said he hid it from me because he knew it would bother me. If something bothers your spouse you ask why and talk about it, do not just hide it. There is no telling him that. He still TM in secret on the apps and I do not know what to do? Just let it all go? Hire a detective? I honestly have been trying to look at his stuff myself and he has changed all user names and PW. I have never done this in our marriage so now I just quit and think how dumb that behavior is but what does one do when suspicious stuff is going on and the other spouse fibs about it and hides stuff? I also found out he checks on my car location a lot and my phone location as well. I feel one day I may just have to let it all out to him and go from there. I just never knew all of this was occurring and now I am in shock that it was going on. I have brought all up in conversations to him and he is good at dodging and tryin got put things back on me. I had a convo not too long ago and called him out on it all. I felt good about it but this is still hanging around in my head and my heart. Help.
Mathi says
Hi,
Well, it does seem that your husband is attracted to the other woman.
This is a strange behavior from your husband, who has been married to you for 30 years.
I think there is no emotional attachment from your husband’s side.
It seems to be just a physical attraction. It will go off on its own.
I am in no way justifying the behavior of your husband. When he wants loyalty from you, it is your absolute right to expect the same from him.
Hiring a detective would not solve your problem. It would only aggravate it.
You should confront your husband about the girl.
Give him the warning that you would not tolerate him playing around.
Do not mince your words, if you are sure about your doubts.
And your behavior should be such that it should be a warning to your husband that you mean business.
Do not lose your marriage, by acting impulsively.
But do not allow your husband get away by cheating you.
It is your life. And you have all the right to bring your husband to his senses, by acting firmly and intelligently.
Talk to him.
And make him understand that you might leave him if he continues cheating you.