Do you know tolerance in marriage is a great mantra towards a good relationship between you and your spouse?
When you live together 24\7, it is only natural that you feel edgy about your spouse many a time.
The habits of your spouse irritates you so much that you feel tensed and annoyed.
The way your spouse handles money matters is often in exact contrast to you.
If you spurt out in anger because of these diversified attitude of your spouse, it could destroy your marriage.
Does this mean you should tolerate everything your spouse does?
No!
You cannot let every abuse of your spouse without fighting back.
There are certain things you should never tolerate in marriage.
- Verbal and physical abuse.
- Irresponsibility.
- Indifference.
- Throwing things around in a fit of unreasonable fury.
- Scathing and demeaning comments about you before relatives\friends.
- Passing snide remarks about your upbringing\family\religion.
You cannot be tolerant in such a situation.
But is very essential that you tolerate the diversified opinion of your spouse. You should also be tolerant towards the minor faults of your spouse.
Without tolerance in marriage, your relationship with your spouse will always be warring and confrontational. And you would be unable to cope up with the tension, lack of tolerance brings into your day-to-day interaction with your spouse.
But, I am sure most of you feel intolerant towards your spouse many a time.
What are the common aspects which makes you feel intolerant towards your spouse?
- Laziness of your spouse.
- His\her disorganized way of doing things.
- When your spouse takes too long a time in getting ready to go somewhere.
- You find it impossible to be tolerant towards the friends of your spouse as you dislike them.
- You are intolerant towards the work timings of your spouse as you have to miss many an outing because of his\her tight work schedule.
- You are irritated by the preference of your spouse towards certain brands in the things you buy for home. You often fight over it.
This is not all.
Your list of intolerance against your spouse is alarmingly lengthy and never-ending.
But one word of caution
Your tolerance does not give your spouse the liberty to demean you and get away with it.
Fight fair to make your spouse understand that his\her unwarranted behavior will not be tolerated by you.
You should never forgo your self-respect in the name of tolerance. When your spouse deliberately goes out-of-the-way to make your life hell, you should not take it silently. You have the right to make him\her realize that you cannot be taken for granted.
But, you should be careful not to make a big mountain out of a mound.
“I hate the behavior of my husband” Farida, my cousin’s daughter told me.
“Why do you say so, dear?” I asked the young girl.
“Well aunty, my husband never listens to me. I want him to change his appearance. My husband will have nothing to do with it. I want him to change certain habits which I find infuriating. He ignores it. He often leaves his clothes in the bed. I hate it” the poor girl went on and on complaining about her husband.
“Don’t I have the right to change my husband? Why does he feel irritated about it, aunty?” Farida asked me confusedly.
“Your husband has the right to be what he wants to be. There is nothing wrong in it. Why do you want to change his habits and way of dressing? It is his prerogative, isn’t it? You are being plain intolerant” I explained to her.
Farida is a classic example of how tolerance in marriage is slowly disappearing from relationships.
What happens when there is no tolerance in marriage?
- You over react to every trivial things your spouse does.
- You get easily irritated by the innocuous words your spouse utters and construe many hidden meanings in it – Brings in great disagreement between you.
- You retaliate with rude comments to the hot words of your spouse. More of a tit-for-tat, isn’t it?
Practice tolerance in marriage if you want to save it.
5 simple ways to practice tolerance in marriage
1. Overlook the clashing habits of your spouse
Do you look at the trivial and innocuous characteristics of your spouse with a magnifying glass to make fun of it?
Never ever do it. Your married life becomes highly tensed and hostile.
Your spouse is not your clone. He\she is bound to be different.
When you are tolerant towards the different attitude your spouse has towards many things, you will enjoy your marriage much better.
2. Your spouse is not perfect
A perfect spouse does not exist in any marriage. Not in the whole world.
Do not allow the imperfections of your spouse to affect you.
When you perfectly adjust to the imperfections of your spouse through your tolerance, your marriage becomes a happy experience to you.
3. Take everything in the right spirit
You might fight with your spouse regarding something to which you do not agree.
There is nothing wrong in it.
But when you take your intolerance level to a high peak of incompatibility it could destroy your relationship.
4. Words spoken in anger are often superficial and inoffensive.
Most of you feel resentful and bitter when your spouse bursts out in anger.
Feeling angry is your very natural reaction to the hurt you experienced when your spouse uttered harsh words against you.
When you are tolerant, you effortlessly overcome your resentment and find it easy to bring your relationship back to normal.
But when you lack tolerance in marriage, your resentment takes root and slowly kills your marriage.
You should realize the simple fact that one bad day in your relationship does not mean a bad marriage.
5. Marriage without adjustments does not exist for any couples
In every marriage, couples must adjust if they must save their marriage. Your marriage is also no different.
Unless you adjust and adapt with your spouse, happiness becomes non-existent in your relationship.
Why do you find it impossible to adjust to your spouse?
It is because you lack tolerance. When you are not tolerant, you never adjust or adapt to your spouse. Instead, you fight and war with your spouse.
How should a wife tolerate her husband?
Do you have the habit of nagging your husband for his disorganized way of strewing things around?
Do you yell at him for his forgetfulness?
Do you feel irritated by his laziness?
If you say yes to these questions, your tolerance level is dangerously low.
As a man, your husband is basically lazy. He is forgetful because he is confident that you will remember all the pending bills and repayments.
Overlook small and minor faults of your husband with indulgence. You can tease him about his shabbiness, but never degrade him.
Practice patience when he is out of mood. Do not take his angry words as a sign of his lost love for you.
How should a husband tolerate his wife?
Does your nerves creep in anger when your wife takes a great deal of time in getting ready?
As a woman, your wife is concentrated on her looks and so takes a wee bit more time in dressing up.
Do you feel resentful that she nags you a lot?
Your wife cares a lot for her family and in her worry she sometimes nags you.
Are you angry she spends a lot on dresses and beauty parlors?
Your wife never spends tons of money on electronic goods as you do. Give her the liberty to indulge herself.
CONCLUSION
‘Tolerance is not looking with your eyes, but rather with your HEART… Katrina Taylor
Ask any successful couple the key ingredient to their happy marriage. Their answer invariably is tolerance and patience.
You need patience and endurance to co-exist in peace with your spouse.
Tolerance works magic in your marriage. When you are patient for a moment, you can enjoy many years of happiness in your married life.
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