You would be surprised to know that couples argue for different reasons.
Are arguments marriage destroyers?
It wrecks your married life when you argue with your spouse for each and every innocuous reasons.
But suppose there are no arguments between you!
Does it make you a perfect couple?
No, it does not.
Are you surprised?
‘‘When you do not argue with your spouse you never really know him\her’’ my mother who has traditional thoughts about marriage surprised me when she told me this.
‘You always insist that arguments make marriage relationship highly tensed and stressed’ I queried.
‘‘I am not talking about the vicious fights modern couples have in the name of arguments.’ She pointed out.
‘But arguments are arguments, aren’t they? It makes any marriage relationship unhappy’ I insisted.
‘The frank and blunt discussion you have with your spouse is not argument at all! In fact it makes you understand him\her better. Unless your spouse knows what you think of him\her there can be no improvement in your relationship’’ she smiled at me.
‘Of course certain amount of heat is generated when you argue! Hot words are exchanged! But it is all superficial and external, she elaborated.
‘But now couples do not argue, but accuse each other’ she concluded.
My eighty year old mother had a relevant point there!
So almost all couples argue with their spouse!
You would be lying if you say that you do not have any arguments with your spouse. There are times when you argue with him\her to drive home your thoughts in a forceful manner. You are after all very human, aren’t you?
When do you argue with your spouse?
- When you feel uncared and neglected in your relationship.
- When you are overlooked and not respected by your spouse
- When you are not given your due in family decisions.
- When you feel your spouse is doing things wrong.
Is it normal to argue with your spouse?
Will your marriage relationship be affected by your arguments?
You can compare arguments in your marriage to the way you use spices in your cooking!
Are you wondering how!
A little tinge of spices makes your dish taste heavenly!
But just add too much of it!
You cannot eat even a mouthful!
This is the nature of arguments in your relationship.
Sadly you make your marriage life too hot and scalding by arguing with your spouse for innocuous reasons.
‘A single moment of misunderstanding is so poisonous, that it makes us forget the hundred lovable moments spent together within a minute’. –Unknown quotes.
Top 5 different reasons why couples argue!
- Mild and innocuous arguments- it is all about minor issues which does not have any negative impact in your relationship.
- Serious arguments- this sort of arguments are always about some major family issues about which both disagree.
- Abusive arguments- vulgar expletives and physical assault becomes common in such arguments.
- Reasonable arguments- this constructive arguments are very essential for your marriage to work.
- Arguments which are induced by others- your parents\friends\relatives instigate you with wrong advice which starts unwanted arguments with your spouse.
- Mild arguments
These sorts of arguments are always momentary and on- the -spot -clash- of- thoughts.
- Your spouse forgets an important bill to be paid and you flash out in anger.
- You are tired and you spurt out in anger to unwind your fatigue.
- You argue which brand to buy while you are shopping.
Arguments like these are very normal between couples.
It is harmless and innocuous!
You never have doubts that your marriage is faltering because of such arguments. It is just a fleeting show of emotions which does not come from the depth of your heart. It is very superficial and not serious. When two people from diversified family background live together it is very human to display such emotions, now and then.
- Serious arguments.
Why do you burst out in serious display of anger with your spouse?
- You are angry when your feelings are regularly thwarted.
- You are tensed when you are always treated second hand and not given your rightful place in family decisions.
- You keep adjusting until one fine day you feel that you cannot take it anymore.
- Your spouse makes important family decisions without consulting you.
- You feel left out in your own family.
When you are treated shabbily consistently you cannot take it any further and so spurt out in angry outburst of bitter words. Such arguments actually showcase the fact that something is seriously wrong with your relationship. Unless you take immediate repairing steps it can lead to wide rifts in your married life.
- Abusive arguments
Abusive arguments with your spouse shows that your marriage is heading towards failure.
What are the causes for abusive arguments with your spouse?
- Your love for each other has died.
- You no longer care for your spouse.
- You are not bothered about his\her feelings or emotions.
- You have obsessive habits like drugs and alcoholism.
- You have inferiority complex.
When all the goodness of your relationship has withered away you do not care for your spouse.
Each and every day of your marriage is agonizing!
You feel overwhelmingly jailed in your own house! ‘Is there a way out?’, your mind screams in agony. You want to inflict your frustrated anger and hatred on your spouse as you find it suffocating to co-exist in the same house with him\her. Your arguments are always degrading and demeaning.
- Reasonable arguments.
These sorts of arguments in marriage are very essential to point out the mistakes your spouse commits. When he\she makes grave financial mistakes, you have to point it out to him\her.
You just cannot overlook the blunders your spouse unknowingly makes, can you?
You argue with your spouse because you care for him\her. You argue because you do not want your spouse to get involved in something which might hurt him\her.
When you see your spouse being a spend thrift you reasonably argue to point out his\her mishandling of money. When your spouse does not care for his\her health you have to advise him\her, mustn’t you? You are very reasonable in arguing with him\her to make him\her understand the repercussions of uncared health.
Very essential arguments indeed!
- Intruding arguments.
Are you wondering what these intruding arguments are?
You do not start these arguments. It comes in form of outsiders who intrude into your personal life.
Who are such intruders?
- You parents are number one in this list.
- Your friends who do not know their limits.
They poke their nose into your life and the result is arguments between you and your spouse.
You should draw a line around your private life so that no can barge into it. When there is unwarranted intrusion into your family affairs by your in-laws you feel angry and irritated. You bitterly argue with your spouse about it. He\she too retorts bitingly back in defense of his\her family.
Very unwanted arguments!
‘You can measure the happiness of a marriage by the number of scars that each partner carries on their tongues, earned from years of biting back angry words.’ –Elizabeth Gilbert
You have every right to put forth your thoughts to your spouse. You also have every right to show your dissent with your spouse in things you do not like! But arguments should be constructive and beneficial to your relationship. Argue to make your marriage work. Never argue to make your married life bitter and resentful.