Unhappy marriage – most couples complain that they are dissatisfied with their married life.
Why does unhappiness creep into your married life?
What happened to the incredible happiness you felt when you married your spouse.
Why is happiness in your marriage so short lived?
Lot of aspects combine to make you feel that you are living through an unhappy marriage.
- Incompatibility- you do not live in harmony with your spouse.
- Intolerance and mal-adjustment- you do not tolerate his\her minor faults.
- Lack of spacing and freedom- you tread too close on each other’s personal zone.
- Uncaring attitude- you become indifferent to the feelings of your spouse.
- Lost love – your love for each other seems to be lost somewhere in between your married life.
- Financial debacle and debts-money makes or breaks your marriage
Most of you experience many of these negative qualities in your married life. You crumble inside in total agony that you suffer from an unhappy marriage.
‘If only he\she behaves as I want to, I would feel happy’.
‘If we had tons of money we would be happy.’
‘The love we had for each other never seems to exist now’.
‘My carefree days are gone forever. I face problems after problems in my married life’
I am sure most of you feel so about your unhappy marriage.
Is happiness in married life so difficult to achieve?
No! Like happiness, unhappiness is also a mindset. You can be happy or unhappy in your marriage. It all depends on how you look at your relationship.
‘It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.’ – Friedrich Nietzsche
Unhappy marriage – Top reasons – Solutions
1. Unrealistic expectations
You have great expectations about your married life. Nothing wrong in that. But your expectations are mostly based on your own wishes and desires. This is where you make a grave mistake.
Your spouse is an individual with different tastes and inclinations. You cannot always expect him\her to dance to your tunes. Your married life will definitely be completely different from your love days. Your married life is realistic whereas your love days are idealistic.
Do not be dreamy that your married life with have the elements of a perfect love story. It won’t! You will face problems and issues. Both will fight and argue. Normal and routine in all marriages!
Be practical and rational. Accept the simple fact that marriage is a lifelong commitment – full of responsibilities and duties.
2. Wanting to change your spouse
Do you want to change your spouse according to your wish?
A sure way to an unhappy marriage.
Is your spouse a Xerox copy that you want your replica in him\her?
It will never happen.
- You want your spouse to dress as you wish to.
- You want him\her to deal with money as you do.
- You want your spouse in your own friends circle.
More like ditto.
Wanting to change your spouse is something you should never dream of doing.
Do you know this leads to the worst ever marriage wrecker?
It is called identity crisis. Everyone have their own identity. It is more like your name.
Will you change your name just because your spouse asks you to do so?
You won’t. Your spouse too will never change just because you want it.
3. Always talking about family problems
Do you always converse with your spouse about family issues as if there was no other topic in the world?
In fact most couples make this mistake. Family issues are always very broiling and fiery. It makes your interaction quarrelsome and argumentative. You argue about petty reasons and turn away from each other as if you were enemies. In fact you do not speak for days.
You sulk in a corner thinking how much you are suffering from an unhappy marriage.
Make your marriage happy by small talking.
Small talking seems to be a forgotten aspect in today’s married life.
What is small talking?
There are lots of topics which makes your conversation exciting and interesting. The most innocuous conversation about movies, film stars, family\office gossips, politics and sports makes you feel more like friends. Small talk for a happy married life.
4. You do not forgive
You find it impossible to forgive your spouse, don’t you?
You take each and every word spoken in anger by your spouse literally. You take it too much to heart.
‘I will never forgive him\her for the words he\she spoke.’ again and again you keep feeding your mind with anger about your spouse till one day your anger bursts out with the force of a volcano.
Yet another reason for an unhappy marriage.
Whatever fights or arguments you have with your spouse should end then and there. You should forget about it. You should forgive your spouse for it.
Yet another way to happy married life.
5. You take your spouse for granted
Do you like it when anyone takes you for granted?
You don’t. You resent it.
Your spouse too hates it when you take him\her for granted.
- Are you a husband who thinks looking after the family is your wife’s duty?
- Do you shy away from sharing household chores as if it was none of your business?
- Do you think your wife should look beautiful while you roam about dressed shabbily with unshaven looks?
- Do you arbitrarily decide about money matters without discussing with your wife?
It shows how much you take your wife for granted. She hates it.
- Are you a wife who feels your husband should be at your beck and call?
- Do you intrude into his privacy and demand that he sever his connections with his friends?
- Do you object when he helps his family?
- Do you nag him about his capacity?
You are taking for granted that your husband should not love anyone but you. Your husband hates it.
There are certain basic rules for a happy married life. It is the core of a good marriage.
- You cannot live together without love.
- You cannot survive without money.
- You cannot co-exist without respect.
- You cannot live with your spouse if there is no trust and loyalty.
These qualities form the foundation of marriage.
Look at the qualities below!
- You are demonstrative in showing your love whereas your spouse does not show it openly.
- You want to save money, whereas your spouse likes spending.
- You are talkative whereas your spouse is taciturn.
- You are emotional whereas your spouse is practical.
Do the opposite qualities of your spouse in anyway make him\her a callous spouse?
Does it make your marriage worthless and unhappy?
Your spouse can be different in nature and you cannot expect him\her to change according to your inclinations.
Analyze the reasons for your unhappy marriage.
You find that you look at everything from your angle.
Do you know that there is no perfect marriage in the whole world?
There are only good couples who take their mismatch practically and make perfect adjustments.
Your expectations about marriage are individualistic. It in no way defines the happiness quotient of your marriage. Adjust to your spouse if you really want your relationship to work. Making your marriage a haven of happiness is in your hands. It is not an uphill task too.
Harvest immense happiness in your married life by making positive changes in your attitude towards your spouse. All you need is a little loving effort.