A dominating mother–in–law makes the relationship with your husband highly stressed and tensed.
- You resent her domination over your husband.
- You are angry at her blatant interference into your married life.
- You are annoyed when she emotionally blackmails your husband.
- You feel mad at her when she makes unwelcome comments about how to run the family as if you know nothing.
“The mother-in-law frequently forgets that she was a daughter-in-law”- Unknown
Why is your dominating mother-in-law all commenting and interfering even though she knows you resent it?
It is her emotional insecurity.
Your mother- in- law feels she has extra rights over her son as she had brought him up amidst many hardships.
She had so far enjoyed the monopoly of your husband’s love without any contest from you.
When you enter into your husband’s life as the lawful partner, she feels her position as the all commanding mother in jeopardy.
When your dominating mother- in- law sees her hitherto clinging son being intimate with you she feels pangs of jealousy. She stamps you as an intruder to her hitherto unclaimed rights as the most important person in your husband’s life.
So she often instigates your husband against you.
Daughter- in- law and mother-in law relationship is always thorny and prickly.
Dealing with your dominating mother-in-law is very easy and essential.
1. Set your boundaries
You should definitely respect your mother-in-law.
She is not your enemy. But she is not your master also. She has no rights to dictate terms and conditions about how you should maintain your family.
It is your prerogative, not hers.
Make sure she does not interfere in your married life.
You have every right to lead your married life as you want to.
She has done nothing for you. So, she also has no right over you.
Never let her take over your life.
2. Know your priorities
Your husband and children are your top priority.
You married your husband to share his ups and downs throughout his life.
You did not marry him to look after his parents. It is his duty, not yours.
You have more rights over your husband than your mother-in-law.
Make sure she understands it.
Never let her intrude into your relationship with your parents.
She forgets your roots are with your family.
It is strange she assumes you should forgo your parents and accept her as your family just because you married her son.
3. Be emotionally detached
Your mother-in-law is not your mother. She is just the mother of your husband.
So, never expect love and care from her.
You will be disappointed.
Since you have no emotional connectivity with your dominating mother in law, overlook her intolerable behavior.
Overlook her jealousy.
Overlook her negative comments about you.
Shove aside your mother-in-law’s unwarranted advice. She does it deliberately to show that she knows your husband better than you.
Be physically away from her
It is all fine to say joint family is good. When your mother-in-law does not respect your emotional needs it is always better to live away from her.
When you do not suffer the agony of being with her, day in day out you feel less bitter towards her.
Never change yourself in fear of her biting tongue. It has direct negative impact in your relationship with your husband.
Never fear her. You have done nothing wrong to be terrified of her.
4.Talk to her directly
Should you take her insinuations against your family lightly?
You should not.
Should you ignore her instigating your husband against you?
A definite no.
Convey the message that you would not take her mean intention lightly.
Your voice should not shoot up aggressively. But be firm and steady.
No hysterics to make her feel justified in demeaning you.
Avoid direct confrontation with her.
But get across the message that you respect her, but would not allow her messing up your married life.
5. Talk to your husband
Your husband plays ignorant to the tug of war between you and your dominating mother-in-law.
Tell him that you will never come between the love he has for his mother.
Never interfere when he financially helps her.
But, put your foot down when he wants her to be the head of the family.
Tell him that family problems should be sorted between both without the interference of your dominating mother-in-law.
Your mother-in-law too should respect your rights over your husband. She should step aside if she wants you to respect her.
‘’Difference between law and in-law is you can justify yourself before law but never before in-laws”
When your dominating mother-in- law knows her limits you feel less resentful towards her.
But will she do it?
Mostly she wouldn’t. Until your relationship with her goes beyond retrieval. This is what happens in most families.