Do you know dealing with sensitive family issues in your relationship is the real test to your married life?
Most of you avoid discussing these hot and tense topics as you feel it would lead to fights and conflicts between you.
Though you are tensed when your spouse does things you hate, you dare not open your mouth. You are nervous and jumpy that you would be misunderstood by him\her.
But when you avoid talking about these sensitive family issues it becomes a thorn in your relationship. One day you will definitely erupt violently against your spouse when your suppressed emotions becomes too much for you.
‘How I wish I could discuss everything with my spouse?’
Most of you have this longing, don’t you?
What are the top sensitive family issues in your married life?
- Money dealings
- Sharing of financial commitments
- Surprisingly your children
- Your in-laws
- Sharing household chores
Why are these topics sensitive and highly argumentative?
It is because both never agree with the views of the other.
- You want to spend while your spouse wants to save. Or vice versa.
- You feel your spouse is fleecing you off your hard-earned money. He\she feels the same.
- You feel your spouse is thrusting his\her parents on you.
- You are irritated that your spouse spends too much time with his\her friends.
- Sharing household chores has become a hot topic as wife feels she is an unpaid servant when she has to toil alone.
You fight bitterly with your spouse as both are always at loggerheads about these sensitive family issues.
Top 5 ways to talk about sensitive family issues with your spouse – Soft pedal it
1. Speak out frankly
When you have an opinion about something in your relationship speak out.
Before marriage you opened up to your spouse without any hesitation. But after marriage you find it very difficult to be frank and open.
It is because you feel your spouse takes you for granted in many aspects. You are sure he\she would not understand you. You are angry when he\she makes demeaning comments about your views. So you keep mum.
Though you feel your spouse is misusing money you hate talking about it as you know it would create an ugly ruckus between you.
You think your sex life is drab and boring but you never discuss it with your spouse.
Parents of both are always a very tense topic between you.
So both play hide and seek with your true emotions.
Are you right in concealing your feelings?
You do immense damage to your relationship when you resist from discussing your views with your spouse.
Do you know it builds up resentment against him\her?
One day you will definitely burst out. Pent up feelings erupt with the force of a volcano. Your spouse is taken aback when he\she realizes that you had stored many negative feelings about him\her. He\she didn’t even know about it.
Do not keep your feelings hidden from your spouse. He\she is not a stranger to you that you should have reservations in talking about your true feelings.
- Discuss it.
- Interact freely.
- Be honest and straightforward about it.
Does immense good to your relationship, you know.
2. Never be accusing
Do you raise your voice when your spouse disagrees with you?
Do you sharpen your claws to fight with him\her?
Don’t do it.
It doesn’t serve any purpose. It makes both fight like cats and dogs. When you indulge in a full-fledged attack to prove yourself right your spouse recoils away from you in aversion. Personal attack on him\her is a big no.
It is always better to sugar coat your feelings so that your spouse does not feel insulted.
Shall we look at an example?
Are you worried by the way your spouse throws money around?
‘You are a spend thrift’
‘You never know how to spend money.’
The word you is a direct attack on your spouse which makes him\her wildly angry with you.
Shall we look at the right way of saying it?
‘I think both of us should save money for our family’’
This way you show your anxiety about money without hurting your spouse. The word both and our makes him\her feel you are not accusing but being sensible.
Never use words that points your spouse as a sole culprit. Include both when you talk about sensitive family issues. Don’t indulge in one sided accusations.
3. Don’t take everything personal
You take criticisms of your friends in the true spirit. You do not construe any hidden innuendos into it.
Why is it you feel it as a personal attack on you when your spouse points out your mistakes?
It is because you take it as a personal attack on your character.
So you fight to defend yourself.
This makes your spouse go on the defensive. He\she shuts out conversations about any sensitive family issues.
Not good for your relationship, you know.
4. Be patient and understanding
Why don’t you have the patience to listen to the viewpoint of your spouse?
It is because you feel your spouse knows nothing about managing the family.
You feel you know what is good for your children better than your spouse. So you never agree to him\her.
When your spouse has different views about family matters you retaliate in vengeance as if he\she has committed some crime. You talk with aggression and hostility.
You never listen to your spouse.
A top ingredient which creates wide rift between you.
Listening to the thoughts of your spouse is the easiest way to handle sensitive family issues.
5. Be friendly and communicative
Is your relationship with your spouse friendly and communicative?
This gives you the confidence to discuss just about anything with him\her.
Do you feel your spouse is mishandling money?
You feel it easy to discuss it with him\her.
Are you sexually dissatisfied?
You easily confide with your spouse.
This is how your married life should be – very friendly and communicative.
When you have a healthy conversation with your spouse, it strengthens your relationship.
Conflicts are inevitable in married life. This does not make both incompatible. This just makes both very human. Handle sensitive family issues with understanding. It sows the seed for a healthy relationship.