Do you find it impossible to adjust with your spouse?
Most of you feel nerve wracking and boring to adjust with your spouse.
You justify your stand by accusing your spouse as selfish and self-centered.
‘Why should I always be the person to be adjusting to the faults of my spouse?’ I am sure you ask yourself this question an umpteenth time.
You should understand that your spouse also feels the same about you.
A great marriage is not when the ‘perfect couple’ come together. It is when an imperfect couple learns to enjoy their differences.” ~Dave Meurer
‘I am not at all happy aunty’ told my friend’s daughter. I was bewildered to see her looking jaded and fatigued. I wondered what could have happened to this young girl who was a ravishing bride just a few months ago.
‘Why do you look so fatigued’ I asked her worryingly.
‘I am bored with my married life’ her large eyes swelled with tears.
‘You had been married only for a few months. You should be enjoying the freshness of your relationship’ I smiled at her.
‘How can I enjoy my married life when my husband has changed so much?’ Her resentment against her husband was very pronounced.
‘He does not spend time with me. He is so short tempered and keeps on finding faults with me. He spends most of his free time with his friends’ her complaint list against her husband was rather lengthy.
‘Well, you too seemed to have changed’ I told her.
‘In what way aunty?’ she confronted me.
‘Before marriage you listed out his good characteristics, but within months your opinion has taken an about turn against him’ I smiled at her.
I am sure her husband will have his own share of complaints against her.
My friend’s daughter is a classic example of couples having too many expectations before marriage and too many complaints after marriage.
When your expectations do not materialize you feel completely shattered and think that your marriage is a failure.
Do you know that happiness in your marriage is like a rose in-between- the- thorns?
If you want the rose of happiness in your married life you have to handle thorny issues in your relationship!
The main thorn in your relationship is that you do not adjust with the minor faults of your spouse. It is because you become too focused on yourself.
Top reasons why you cannot adjust with your spouse-Being focused on yourself!
Just look at the list below! These are the main relationship issues you face in your married life.
- Differences of opinion
- Not being adjustable
- Being focused on the negative aspects of your spouse
- Not giving enough time for your relationship to mature
- Uttering unwarranted comments against your spouse.
- Being unappreciative
- Being unapologetic
- Being uncaring
These negative qualities in your married life make you lose interest in your spouse. You fail to notice his\her good characteristics. You become more focused on his\her minus points. Both fight with venomous anger as if you were enemies. Your married life is now a total mess.
What makes you change against your spouse after your marriage?
The point blank fact is that you are unable to adjust with your spouse.
You get keyed up with the habits of your spouse which is not to your liking. You want everything to happen according to your wishes. You feel highly strung up when things go against your expectations. Your spouse commits the same fault.
Let us look at the viewpoint of both!
Why do you find it impossible to adjust with your wife?
You think that your wife should look after you and the children. Your male mind assumes that you need not share her work burden as you feel it is none of your business. You dislike being pressurized about family issues as you want undisturbed comfort at home.
Why do you find it impossible to adjust with your husband?
You want your husband to spend all his free time with you. You get frenzied with anger when your husband plumps before the TV for his favorite sports. You hate it when he spends time with his friends. You literally cling to him in a show of over possessiveness.
Can you see how focused both are on your own expectations?
You expect your spouse to act according to your desires and wishes. You never care that your spouse too will have certain expectations about you.
You never understand that you are being selfish and focused on yourself.
When the focus is too much on your likings and desires you find it impossible to adjust with your spouse. When you are unable to adjust you fight and argue with him\her unnecessarily. Needless fights and arguments widens the rift between you.
You want your spouse to tow your line to the dot. You do not give enough spacing to fulfill each other’s personal desires. You have a magnifying glass in your hand to catch your spouse red handed in his\her faults.
Sit back and frankly analyze what went wrong with your marriage!
Your clamor for rights becomes vociferous after marriage.
You are living your married life the wrong way.
Live it the right way!
- Focus on your duties.
- Adjust with your spouse.
- Never shy away from supporting your spouse.
- Have realistic expectations.
- Overlook the faults of your spouse.
- Realize your mistakes.
- Do not be self-centered and egoistic.
You are not living with an enemy, are you?
You have married the person you ardently loved. You must make allowance for small differences of opinion.
How can two people from different family background have identical thoughts and desires?
Varied tastes and opinion are a natural part of any marriage. It should be a harmless clash of individual opinion. It should in no way take away the love you have for each other.
Do you know that the quantity of adjustment you make with your spouse, spells the quality of your marriage?
How adjusting should you be?
There is no exact parameter to determine the input of adjustment you must make. One day you should adjust to the mood swings of your spouse. This makes him\her adjust to your off mood another day. There are no losers if you adjust with one another, just two loving winners.