Most couples lose interest in each other after the initial glow of their marriage wears off.
The presence of your spouse kindled immense interest in you in the beginning days of your marriage.
Everything about your spouse excites you, as he\she is new to you. The freshness and newness you feel about your spouse makes your relationship very interesting. You just cannot have enough of each other.
But as years go by, you gradually lose interest in your spouse.
It happens in almost all marriages.
Why?
The answer is simple.
Have you heard of the proverb “familiarity breeds contempt?”
You see your spouse day in and day out. You do the same things together, again and again. Now, everything about your relationship becomes very predictable and stale.
The routine drudgery of your married life makes you, as couples lose interest in each other.
Yes!
The top reason why couples lose interest in each other is that they do nothing to ingnite passion into their relationship.
You too might be facing an identical situation in your married life.
If so, you must be finding your married life boring and dull.
Unless you are interested in your spouse, you cannot make your marriage a success.
Your interest in each other is the magnetic power which keeps your relationship alive and kicking.
Interest in each other is that important for your marriage.
You do not feel interested in strangers, do you?
It is because they mean nothing to you.
You are interested in your spouse because you love him\her. You are interested because you feel your spouse belongs to you. This interest should travel along with you throughout your marriage.
But often this does not happen. Like you, most couples lose interest in each other.
Let us first analyze the the status of your married life in the initial years of your togetherness.
In the initial years of your marriage, your interest in each other is at its peak.
- You do everything to attract your spouse towards you.
- You behave in a way that makes your spouse feel that you are a perfect husband\wife.
- You are so fascinated by your spouse that everything about him\her excites you.
- You are always presentable before your spouse as you want to attract him\her.
- You are very appreciative and encouraging.
- You are supportive and caring.
- You admired his\her looks before marriage.
- You easily overlooked the faults of your spouse before marriage.
- You demonstrated your love openly and explicitly.
But everything changes after a few years of your married life.
For the worse, of course.
You lose interest in your spouse.
Do you know what happens when you as couples lose interest in each other?
- You are bored to interact with your spouse.
- You are no longer attracted towards your spouse.
- You do not observe the goodness of your spouse.
- You drift along your relationship in a name-sake togetherness.
- Your relationship becomes stale and dull.
- Your interaction with your spouse is routine and mundane.
- You scarcely look at your spouse when you lose interest in him\her.
- You make a big deal about his\her minor faults after marriage.
- You never utter a word of appreciation after marriage.
- You never demonstrate the love you have for your spouse.
Sad, isn’t it?
The interest of the audience makes a film a grand success.
A film star has a great fan following because his fans are interested in him.
When something creates great interest, it is a great success. When something does not create any interest, it is doomed to be a miserable failure.
When couples lose interest in each other, their marriage is also doomed to be a miserable failure.
Why do you feel disinterested about your spouse?
- You get so used to your spouse that you scarcely notice anything about him\her after the initial glow of your marriage fades.
- Your feel your spouse is more of a person who resides in the same house because you married him\her.
- You no longer feel emotionally bonded to your spouse.
Do you know your lack of interest makes your marriage fall flat on its face?
You get so used to your spouse being with you that you are no more excited about him\her. You no longer want to spend time with your spouse. In fact, there are times when you want to be alone, without the presence of your spouse.
Who is in the wrong for this stalemate?
The fault lies with both. Both never make any efforts to make yourself interesting to your spouse.
Most couples lost interest in each other because of the same reasons.
Simple tricks to rekindle your interest in each other
- Demonstrate your love for each other openly and explicitly.
- Keep communicating with your spouse. When you do not communicate, it becomes a habit. A very bad habit at that.
- Make your interaction friendly and enjoyable.
- Small talk with your spouse. Topics like movies, sports, hobbies, and film stars are non-controversial and you can extend your conversation without arguing about it.
- Avoid sensitive topics like religion, physical appearance of your spouse and his\her upbringing.
- Enjoy being together.
What happens when you are interested in your spouse?
- You enjoy your togetherness.
- You are friendly with each other
- You communicate with your spouse, always and every time.
- You are supportive when he\she needs your emotional back up.
- You have easy interaction with your spouse as you have so much to talk to him\her.
What should you do to sustain your interest in your spouse?
Be curious and observing about your spouse. When you are curious about something, you take incredible interest in it.
Be attentive when your spouse interacts with you.
Be demonstrative in your love for your spouse.
Be friendly with your spouse.
Be caring towards your spouse.
Couples lose interest in each other because they fail to understand the nuances of making their marriage work.
Conclusion
‘The true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all the details of daily life.’- William Morris
Your marriage life should be like reading a new book.
Not like reading the same pages repeatedly. Not like watching the same movie repeatedly.
Becomes very boring, doesn’t it?
When you are interested in your spouse, you see him\her in a different light daily. You find new things that attract you to him\her.
The unique mannerisms of your spouse interest you.
The way your spouse handles family problems make you feel emotionally inclined towards him\her.
Of course, you cannot maintain the initial frenzied passion of your early marriage days.
But when interest is prevalent in your married life, a more mature and mellow love develops between you. It makes your relationship even more valuable.
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Erika says
Me and my spouse have been together for four years now and I feel like we both just don’t have any interest in each other. He always wants me too leave for work or trys too push me too make friends too leave and I just want too spend time with him and our two year old son Jayden! But he just wants me too leave so he can ignore my son and play videogames 24/7 :/ and I’m really trying too make this work but every time I talk about it he talks over me,doesn’t let me talk or acts childish and says I’m acting chilsish… I just don’t know what too do anymore 🙁 please help me.
Mathi says
Erika,
Is your husband not working? You say he is forcing you to leave for work so that he can play video games. You cannot let him have his way. He must share family commitments along with you. Otherwise you are going to struggle. Never play a mother to him. You should be very assertive to make him understand his duties as a husband. Allocate work to him. Make sure he does it. Do not relent to his emotional blackmail. As long as you are submissive your husband will never change. This does not mean you fight with him. Be firm and loving. But never give in to his irresponsibility.
Mary says
My husband hasn’t touched me in a sexul way in about one or two months. Every time he has sexual needs its the same routine. Basically it’s more of what he likes and never of what I like. I’m not forcing him to do what he doesn’t but I do almost everything he likes. I’m feeling like he is less and less interested as the time goes by. I’m pretty much to the point where I have to please myself and I don’t want to do the things I used to do for him when he wants. I feel like that’s the time when he does the things like cuddle or want to talk to me too. I don’t want to even think of my life without him but I don’t feel like it’s the same for him. Can you tell me about what you think?
Mathi says
Mary,
You are not alone in facing such a problems. Man is rather selfish in sexually satisfying himself the way he likes. He never thinks about the needs of his wife. This is the reason why most wives feel sexually unsatisfied. For your husband sex is an animal instinct. He must have it when he is in the mood. But for you it is an emotional need.
But do not make sex a war zone. Soon your husband will lose interest in it. Talk to him about your needs in a loving way. Make him understand that you too have your own wishes. Be very presentable when you are with him. He will expect it from you. He should be attracted to you. Your husband does love you but as a man he wants you to understand it without him saying it.
Lajonte says
Me and my husband had been together for 4 years now. We have two younger daughter. In the beginning of our relationship everything was okay. But two years in the marriage everything is boring. He works alot im at home with the kids most of the time and my life has turn into a daily routine. On my husband of day we do not do anything at all we havent been put in two years together. The last time we went out it like he didnt like it,but he is quick to go out by himself or his friends when im right there. The lack of excitement in intimacy is there so everything is just boring and i dont know what to do.
Mathi says
Lajonte
Most couples are bored with their married life because they find everything about their relationship stale and and dull. Yours is a very common problem. It is you and your husband who have to work towards making your married life exciting. Do you nag your husband? If so your husband would never like to spend time with you. Do not talk about family problems alone with your husband. Appreciate his good points. Spend some quality time with him. But you alone cannot make your marriage work. Your husband also should change. He should be caring and loving towards you. Plan an outing with your husband minus your children. Your parents can look after your children. This helps to bring in intimacy between you. Try it. GOOD LUCK.
Mark P says
My wife and I have been together for almost 5 years now, Married for 3. I feel as if we always doing more things apart than together. I ask her often to go do things with me, and she would much rather do something else. She says she doesn’t want a divorce, but I am growing more unhappy. I have tried everything I feel I can do…and still feel as if my marriage is over. What can I do? She seems completely uninterested.
Mathi says
Hi Mark,
You must understand that your wife is from a different family background and so bound to think differently and do things differently. Only couples who have understood this simple trick can enjoy their married life. When both take the differences between you too much to heart, you will drift away from each other.
If you really want your marriage to work, you should stop thinking that your marriage is over. Keep communicating with your wife. Understand her from her point of view. Have a frank talk with your wife. Your wife as a woman would want emotional connectivity with you to become attached to you. Are you starving your wife emotionally? Do a ruthless self analysis about your attitude towards your wife It might help you in many ways.
Omotola says
My husband and I have been married for 5years now. We have 2 boys. 5 and 3. I was so much in love with him till I found out he was cheating. It broke me way too hard. As I struggled to forgive him. It’s been months now since I found out, I think I have forgiven him but I no longer find the marriage interesting. I no longer enjoy our sex life, I don’t trust him, his sight at times annoys me. I always keep to myself at home. Even when he tried to start a conversation, I snub him.
I don’t know how to handle this situation. Like I am tired. Like I am confused.
He had apologized over and over again but I find it hard loving and trusting him again.
My marriage is now so dull and boring. We live like housemates. I am completely uninterested in this marriage. This isn’t the first time I will catch him cheating. It’s like the 3rd time.
Mathi says
Hi Omotola,
You are absolutely right in feeling angered by the cheating of your husband. But if you want your marriage to work, you must forgive your husband. If you keep remembering his cheating you will hate the sight of him. This could destroy your happiness and finally your marriage. You have your children to think of. It is so easy to throw away your marriage. But it takes a great forgiving nature to save your marriage.
That your husband has cheated you persistently is not a good thing. But that he has asked forgiveness is a good sign.
Make your husband realize that you will not be forever forgiving him. Tell him bluntly that you would not hestiate to leave him if he consistently crosses his border. If you want to save your marriage, you should forget what has happened. Renew your married life by showing your love for your husband. At the same time your should show him that there will be no forgiving hereafterwards.
Do not ruin your happiness by being hostile with your husband. You will not have an iota of happiness in your life. Your children also will be unhappy. Time is a great healer. If your husband is really apologetic he will not cheat you again. Give your husband a chance to change. It could be the best decision you had made.