Do you know that many couples live through a sexless marriage?
Are you astonished?
Do not be.
Sexless marriage is a bleak reality among many modern couples.
“My husband refuses to sleep with me. When I show sexual overtures to him, he cites his tiredness and keeps away from me. If this was an occasional happening, I would have felt that he was telling me the truth” Anita, my friend’s daughter looked unhappy.
“But this is not the case, aunty. He has refused me sex for the past one year. I am breaking my head about the reasons for my husband’s disinterest in having sex with me” tears welled in the young girl’s eyes.
I knew the young girl’s husband also. He was an energetic young man. Feeling sexually disinterested at such a young age seemed strange to me.
But I knew the answer, when the young boy talked with me.
“My wife is very money minded. She also holds sex as a weapon to make me do things she wants to be done. I hate her for this. When Anita uses sex as a bait to have things done her way, I am no longer interested in her sexually” the young man told me with a grimace in his face.
Well, Anita was wrong in making sex a bargaining ground to fulfill her wishes. This is just one of the reasons for sexless marriages.
There are many more reasons behind physical disinterest among couples.
- Emotional distance.
- Indifferent attitude.
- Taking your spouse for granted.
These sort of relationship issues can also lead to disinterest in sex among couples.
Sex is exciting only, when there is emotional compatibility between both.
But unfortunately, most marriages suffer from lack of emotional compatibility.
Why is there emotional distance between you and your spouse, when you married him\her out of your intense love for him\her?
- Your hectic lifestyle often makes you feel highly stressed and tensed.
- You have lots of work related stress.
- You are constantly in the rat race to reach the top, and you lose your peace of mind.
- You face tons of relationship issues with your spouse.
Eveything combines to make you mentally drained, and physically fatigued. Naturally, you want your spouse to understand your problems and give you emotional support. When your spouse does not give you the emotional support you expect, you mentally deviate from him\her.
Yes!
Sex becomes a distant thought to you as your mind is preoccupied with your work related problems, your money problems, and your relationship problems.
So, your initial excitement in lovemaking gradually fades away, as you become anxious about the ways to deal with the many problems that crop up in your family.
When you are stressed, your interest in sex becomes nonexistent. You have sex with your spouse rarely. That too in a very hurried manner.
Nothing to feel excited about, isn’t it?
Is sex that important to your marriage that it should be enjoyed more often?
Yes.
Sex in marriage is very important. It is because, it brings the much-needed physical and emotional intimacy into your relationship.
Just because you are disinterested in sex, it does not mean your spouse also feels the same. Most often, it does not happen that way.
Your spouse feels dejected, when his\her physical needs are not met by you. Though your spouse feels delicate to talk about this sensitive topic, the raging sexual hunger he\she feels might eventually lead to divorce.
What are the true reasons behind your sexless marriage?
When you are not physically fit, your interest in sex dwindles to nothing.
When you are not emotionally intimate with your spouse, you are disinterested in having sex with him\her.
When you suffer from stress, sexual interest is farther away from your thoughts.
Can you survive a sexless marriage?
It is tough and very difficult. But there are some sensible ways to rekindle your sexual interest in your spouse.
1. Practice compatiblity with your spouse
Mostly you refrain from having sex, when you are not compatible with your spouse. It is because, when you do not have emotional understanding with your spouse, you are not attracted to him\her.
When your spouse is abusive, you will not feel physically attracted to him\her.
When both become indifferent towards the feelings of each other, sex becomes non-existent in your relationship.
Not being emotionally bonded with your spouse, is one of the topmost reason behind your sexless marriage. Your lack of emotional bonding, leads to lack of physical bonding between you.
So, you should practice compatibility with your spouse. You must adjust and tolerate the minor faults of your spouse.
Love your spouse, for what he\she is. Concentrate on the good qualities of your spouse. When overlook the things you do not like about your spouse, and appreciate his\her good qualities, physical attraction between you will set in.
2. Be presentable to attract your spouse
When you roam around wearing dirty clothes, your spouse will never feel attracted to you.
Do you know your good and presentable looks contribute a great deal to kindle his\her sexual interest in you?
When you are well dressed, with your body assets well accentuated, your spouse instantly feels physically drawn towards you.
Yes.
Your good physical appearance does matter to make your spouse feel sexually interested in you.
3. Touch each other more often
Most of you do not understand the importance of kisses and hugs in making you feel intimate towards each other. In fact, such small physical gestures of love draws you towards your spouse.
Touch each other often.
A pat in the cheeks, a tight hug, running your fingers through the hair of your spouse, are tiny but beautiful love gestures, that make both feel the fire of intimacy igniting in you.
4. Spend romantic time together, when your children are asleep
The time after your children go to sleep should be your romantic time. You can enjoy the proximity of each other, without the disturbance from your children.
Keep the light in the room subdued. Dim light kindles your sexual interest.
Listen to good music and dance to the tune.
The sound of the music, and the physical nearness of your spouse finally ends in having excellent sex with him\her.
5. Flirt with your spouse
Who says you cannot flirt with your spouse?
You can.
It is a great sexual instigator.
Wink at your spouse, when your children are not looking.
Have secret signals which shows your wish to have sex with your spouse. It makes both wait for your intimacy.
6. Be understanding and kind towards your spouse
When you emotionally disregard your spouse, it makes him\her disinterested in having sex with you.
- You should respect your spouse.
- You must be kind towards him\her.
- You must be trusting.
- You must be communicative.
- You must listen and agree with your spouse.
Are you wondering what these qualities have to do with sex?
Almost everything.
When your spouse feels well cared, he\she feels drawn towards you. This finally leads to good sex between you.
Conclusion
“Sex can be such a stark barometer for a marriage.” – John Eldredge
Can you see how sexless marriage is a byproduct of many things?
It is true that after many years of married life, your interest in sex diminishes. But being totally away from being physically intimate with your spouse, makes your relationship lack excitement. Never ever make your marriage plunge into such a relationship disaster.
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