Is it possible to enjoy your married life living in a joint family?<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Absolutely not.<\/p>\n

Do you know why?<\/p>\n

Joint family is good only when it is lived the proper way. Unless you co-exist in harmony with your in-laws you can never have a moment of peace. The sad thing about joint family is that you must forever be adjusting with your in-laws.<\/p>\n

You must be prepared to suppress your individuality.<\/p>\n

And the worst thing about joint family is your denied rights.<\/p>\n

You often fight with your spouse about this, don’t \u00a0you?<\/p>\n

Now shall we see the pros and cons of a joint family?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The pros of a joint family.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n
• You have elders to guide you when you make mistakes.<\/li>\n
• Your children do not feel lonely as they have their cousins to play with.<\/li>\n
• When you are out to work, your parents look after your children.<\/li>\n
• No one suffers from dearth of money as everyone\u2019s income is pooled as a mutual family fund.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

  The cons of joint family which is quite too many<\/strong><\/p>\n

  \n
  • There is complete lack of privacy between you and your spouse.<\/li>\n
  • Bickering among family members become a big family feud.<\/li>\n
  • You cannot make any individual decisions on your own.<\/li>\n
  • The top earning member feels leeched off his\\her money.<\/li>\n
  • There is too much internal family politics.<\/li>\n
  • You are always under a scanner.<\/li>\n
  • Elders are too interfering into your personal life.<\/li>\n
  • They are too conservative to understand your modern outlook.<\/li>\n
  • Your individuality is crushed as you are compelled to abide by mutual family laws.<\/li>\n
  • Your parents feel apprehensive to visit you as they do not know how they will be received by your in-laws.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

    Rather a long list of cons, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

    Yes.<\/p>\n

    Joint family life is rather complicated for the modern youth.<\/a><\/p>\n

    Western countries have come out of the concept of joint family years ago. But many Asian couples still live as joint family \u2013 many unwillingly.<\/p>\n

    You might cite families that live as joint families for generations. It is very few and very less.<\/p>\n

    How did the concept of joint family evolve?<\/h2>\n

    \n
    • Long, long ago families had only a common business.<\/li>\n
    • It was started by the patriarch of the family.<\/li>\n
    • His sons never worked outside the family.<\/li>\n
    • They almost always looked after the business of their father.<\/li>\n
    • The income of the sons of the family was the share given to them from the family business.<\/li>\n
    • The wives of the sons of the family never worked.<\/li>\n
    • Women slaved day and night doing household chores.<\/li>\n
    • They were completely dependent on their husbands for their survival.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n

      Without an independent income of their own, most couples were compelled to live with their in laws.<\/p>\n

      My grandmother was the matriarch of her family. She had three daughters-in-law. To the outside world it looked as if she ruled over them. Everyone assumed that her daughters-in-law obeyed my grandmother to the dot.<\/p>\n

      But the reality<\/a> was different.<\/p>\n

      \u2018I cannot manage your sisters-in-law as I am getting on age. Settle your brothers as an individual family. This is best for everyone. I cannot handle the inner politics among your three sisters-in-law.\u2019 I still remember my grandmother literally pleading with my mother.<\/p>\n

      Finally my mother talked to her brothers [my maternal uncles] and told them to settle down as individual families. My grandmother could now have her well-deserved rest.<\/p>\n

      Mind you!<\/p>\n

      This happened some sixty years ago when in India joint family was the mode of life for almost all married couples.<\/p>\n

      But now the concept of joint family is getting lesser and lesser even in India.<\/p>\n

      Joint family is not all love and affection as it is said to be.\u00a0Modernity has not only changed the mentality of couples, but also that of grandparents.<\/p>\n

      “Grandparents are very selfish nowadays. They do not care for their grandchildren with the selfless love of the yester generation. They have become TV addicted. They are always glued to the TV. To the present grandparents looking after their grandchildren means giving them food and letting them play video games so that they are not disturbed” I heard my mother telling an old friend of hers who came to visit her.<\/p>\n

      She was right.<\/p>\n

      It is true grandparents love their grandchildren. But looking after them is a great burden thrust on them compulsively by their sons\\daughters. And they do not have the patience and stamina to look after their mischievous grandchildren.<\/p>\n

      My mother cherished her grandchildren. She was very caring and loving. My daughter adores my mother even after becoming a mother herself. She still has fond memories of the care and love with which my mother looked after her.<\/p>\n

      Can you see such selfless grandparents now?<\/p>\n

      You cannot.<\/p>\n

      The world has completely changed. Modernity has made joint families lose its value and importance.<\/p>\n

      Wife earns as equal as her husband. She has more worldly exposure than her yester sisters. Modern woman has become very individualistic. She wants to live her married life as she wishes to. She does not like the concept of joint family as she knows her individuality will be crushed.<\/p>\n

      “My brother’s wife and my wife are always at loggerheads with each other. They fight daily for one reason or the other. My mother is also very partial towards my brother’s wife,” Sudhan, my friend\u2019s son told me when I met him at my niece\u2019s engagement function.<\/p>\n

      “One day, fight between us erupted so fiercely that we moved away from my brother to live seperately. My mother is now with my brother. I am not in talking terms with my brother.\u00a0 I think the main reason for such resentment between us was because we lived as joint family. Everything became stale between us” Sudhan shook his head sadly.<\/p>\n

      His was a common scenario you see in a joint family.<\/p>\n

      Why do parents feel that their son\\daughter do not love them if they live individually?<\/p>\n

      Parents should realize that their children too want freedom and privacy.<\/p>\n

      The best gift parents can give to their married children is the ability to let go their possessiveness. They should not intrude into the life of their children.<\/p>\n

      And they should know that their self-respect will be shattered when their son in law\\daughter in law completely ignore them if they decide to stay with them.<\/p>\n

      This is the reason parents should take a step away from their married children. Parents should give their married children the freedom they crave for.<\/p>\n

      If parents do so, their self respect remains intact.\u00a0 They are respected for their understanding.<\/p>\n

      Joint family does not bring in harmony. It in fact drives a wedge between all family members.<\/p>\n

      One fine day all love and respect is lost.<\/p>\n

      So, it is always better to live independently and retain the love for all family members.<\/p>\n

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      Is it possible to enjoy your married life living in a joint family? Absolutely not. Do you know why? Joint family is good only when it is lived the proper way. Unless you co-exist in harmony with your in-laws you can never have a moment of peace. The sad thing about joint family is that […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","spay_email":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[2],"tags":[615,1658,590,1657,1601,1659,616,1551,1546,444],"yoast_head":"\n