You would be surprised to know that your husband is emotionally dependent on you in many ways.
You are stunned, aren’t you?
You always thought that your husband was bossy and snobbish, didn’t you?
You had valid reasons to believe so.
- Your husband never really shows that he cares for you.
- He spends lonely hours before the television\video games\internet. And he seems to enjoy it without thinking of interacting with you.
- He ambles around the house without lifting his fingers, letting you slave alone with your never-ending household chores.
- Your husband is not friendly with you.
- He is not bothered to listen to you.
- He does not confide in you.
- He dominates you in many ways.
You hate these characteristics of your husband, don’t you?
Strangely, this is not his real self.
These are the outward show of his male power. He does it to make you understand that he is his own master.
Though he seems indifferent, your husband is emotionally dependent on you.
Do you know why?
Your husband does not have your mental strength.
He easily chips under the pressure of family problems. He cannot handle it without your moral support.
Yes.
Your husband might be stronger than you, physically. But underneath his brawn, he is a child. This child within him seeks protection from you.
Your husband literally feels free from family responsibilities when you are around. In fact, he cannot do without you.
But, he pretends to be a strong person who has the capacity to handle any problems that might come his way.
Only he knows that he cannot meet out his problems without you.
It is hardcore fact that a wife is stronger than her husband, mentally.
Usually, it is considered that a wife is more emotionally dependent on her husband. But, it is not so. You are mentally strong to handle the insensitive attitude of your husband.
‘My husband is what he is. I can never change him to be more loving and supportive to me’ you tell yourself. When your husband does not display his care for you, you learn to take care of yourself. You immediately shift your attention to your children. Life goes on as usual for you.
When you feel stressed out by the insensitive attitude of your husband, you share your feelings with your friends\parents.
Can you see you have someone to let off your steam?
But your husband never shares his emotions with others. It is because, as a man he is taught to be brave and strong. He becomes strong, but only physically. Mentally your husband is as weak as a child.
How your husband hides his feelings from you?
His relationship pressures remains as a secret within him. He does not discuss it with anyone, not even with his friends. This is the reason why your husband easily turns moody and aloof when he is upset.
When your husband is angry, he utters words that hurt you deeply. He abuses you and makes you feel unloved. When there is an argument between you, he lashes at you in venomous anger to show that he cannot be dominated by you. But inwardly he cringes in shame at the truth behind your accusations.
But, after his outburst of anger, your husband becomes silent and gloomy. He feels ashamed that he has hurt you. He shuts himself away from you, but inwardly your husband feels very miserable by his display of anger against you. He is in great emotional pain that you might not understand his love for you. He is also worried that you might stop loving him.
He cannot do without your moral support and love. So, he immediately cajoles you to pinpoint that you are his pillar of strength. You immediately melt in love and forgive him.
Are you wondering why your husband hides his emotional dependency on you by faking a domineering attitude towards you?
It is because your husband never wants you to know about his weakness. He is apprehensive that you will consider him to be meek if you know about his emotional dependency on you.
When your husband wants his emotional security back, he will to any length to pacify you.
You become emotional about his aspect of his character. You literally cling on this characteristic of your husband to live through your marriage.
Your husband is emotionally dependent on you for his day-to-day survival also. He feels lost when you are absent from home. He is unable to cope with having to look after himself.
He wants you to be supportive and protective towards him. He wants you to mother him so that he feels safe and cared.
Do you know your husband hates his emotional dependency on you?
It makes him feel this might give you a reason to dominate him. So, he does not show it.
Yes.
Though your husband is emotionally dependent on you, he hates his helplessness in totally relying on you.
So, he blows hot and cold in his behavior towards you. One day he is loving and caring. And when he feels you are taking advantage of it, he coolly withdraws away from you.
You never really understand him. This is the reason you have all sorts of doubts about the love of your husband. Don’t worry. He loves you, but on his own terms and conditions. This is how his male mentality dictates him to do.
Conclusion
“The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It’s a choice you make – not just on your wedding day, but over and over again – and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.” – Barbara De Angelis
It is no use breaking your head that your husband does not display his love openly and frankly. You should realize that without you he feels lost and alone, like a child.
This is the true victory you have over your husband, isn’t it?
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