Hi Sesh,
You are not alone is facing such a problem in your marriage. Lots of women face your problem in their married life. Your mother in law is smothering your husband because he is her only son. I think she is feeling emotionally insecure that she might lose her son. But it is her problem, not yours.
It is true you should set boundaries with your mother in law. And your husband should also set certain boundaries with her. He cannot go to her like a school boy reciting whatever happened.
I can understand your emotions. But you have not written how your husband behaves with you. Does he abuse you? Is he communicative with you?
Don’t feel that your marriage has ended because it has not. You should have a frank talk with your husband. You say you have already told him about the dislike the behavior of your mother in law creates in you.
You should further tell him that your married life might suffer if he continues to be mama’s boy. Refrain from going to your mother in law’s house. It is your right. Go as you like to your parent’s house. It is your right.
Make your husband understand that you mean business and you will never allow him to behave like a school boy. You must be patient to make your husband understand your point of view.

I need some assistance and guidance. I am amrried to an only child and have been for 17 months. My husband and I used to always be on the same page, especially when it came to both our sets of parents. Before we got married, he’s parents used be to very liberal and undemanding and I naturally thoguht that it was so cool. My parents were very strict and orthodox and actually gave us curfews. I ahd actuall developed a very close bond with he’s parents to a point where he’s mum and I used to communicate every day.
After we got married, everything changed. He expected to contnue going down to see he’s parents every weekend (they stay approximately 2 hours away from us) yet he used to get upset when I wanted to visit my parents for a few minutes (they stay 10 minutes away from us). He’s family expecetd to see us every weekend, he’s mum wanted to decorate our newly bought house (which I pay half for), she made a comotion when we were furnishing our home, he calls he’s family and gives them a minute-to-minute detailed description of what we doing every day, he’s mother tells him what to do and not to do, she tells him when to take leave and not take leave. I find myself constantly working as an excuse not to go down to he’s parents. Every holiday or time off, tehre is an expectation that we go to them. Now he’s grandmother get’s involved after I told him that he either has the conversation with he”s parents and sets boundaries or I will leave him. Now I see he’s mother has resorted to using her mother (he’s grandmother) to dictate to us. I told him that he either has the conversation, or I will…and it will obviously not go down well.

Over and above everything, when we go to their house, it’s so cold and restricted, you constantly feel anxious and out of place.He always looks for excuses to do things with my parents yet he expects me to do everything with he’s parents. I actually started refusing, I don’t want to and I started making it known to him, obviously he thinks I’ve changed and hate he’s parents and grandmother. To be honest, they don’t treat me well so I told him I don’t care about them nor what they think about me.
He’s mother acts like he’s her boyfriend instead of her son. They phone each other and talk when I’m not around or he hides and call her. She take’s him into the room or whispers in he’s ear like they lovers in a room full of people to discuss things. They make plans behind my back becuse they know I will not agree to her or he’s grandmother dictating to me.

It has made me such an angry and frustrated person, I feel like I’ve competely lost who I am becuase i’m constantly moody and angry and upset. I used to always be so happy and bubbly and jovial, now I can’t seem to smile. I have even stopped asking him to do things with me, he also finds excuses to do them with me, yet he’ll do them with he’s family.

I really try not to fight or nag him and confront him about things. I try to calm down and not think about things too much to prevent me flaring up, but there’s times when I just explode. I told him he should rather go back to he’s mother and I will go back to my family because it seems liek he’s family doesn’t udnerstand what would happen after he got married. I’m not prepared to live this life anymore, always caged and restricted. I’m a modern, independant, woman, he’s mother and grandmother have no right to think they can control or dictate to me. They’ve done nothing to expect themselves to be able to have that right. I really feel it’s about time I lay some rules and boundaries myself, but he doesn’t seem to wnat that/. My only other alternative is to start living my life with or without him. I feel time is moving so fasta nd I need to live my life. If he wants to be by he’s mother and grandmother, he can do that, I won’t stop him, but I refuse to hold their hands with him. I need to live my life and experience life.

I even feel like I shouldn’t have gotten married to him. My life was so much better and carefree before I met him or he’s family. I constantly fell caged and constricted.All he does is atke he’s mother and grandmother’s side and I actually don’t care what he or he’s family think anymore. I even told him as much.

I, who generally has a good thought about people, who is reasonable an dlevel headed, who never got angry or said a bd word to anynoe, finds myself completely despising he’s mother and grandmother.

I’m not sure what to do. Please provide some advice where you can.

Hi Ray,
You should have never left your new born baby. He is your responsibility. As for your marital problems, you are inviting it by being unsure of your rights. You have every right to finish your Ph.D. Not even your husband can deny you this. Your in laws will ill treat you only when you allow them to do so. Be very firm in keeping them from interfering into your life. For this you must become very confident and assertive.
You should definitely talk with your husband about your relationship. You should not let your marriage die without fighting for it. Don’t pick up fights with him. If you do so, he will not listen to you.
You should concentrate on your relationship with your husband. You must make him feel your love. If you time and again leave him, he will keep listening to his parents.
There are two options before you.
Talk to your husband about living independently.
If he truly wants his family life back, he will listen to you.Moving away from his parents will bring lots of positive changes in your life.
But if he is firm in divorcing you, it is no use begging for his love. You have your baby. You have your education. Find a job to become financially independent. Become confident and assertive. Let your husband realize that you cannot be played around with.

Suraj,

I understand the frustration and pain you have. I have undergoon the same. I was listening to my mother and gave hard times to my husband many times. I in fact used to not talk with him for months when I got angry with the advice of my mother. I really used strong words which hurt him many times and critized his parents and other family members too. My husband answered when we had the discussion But was very patient and did not talk to me too even when I was shouting but he made me realize he wants to talk to me and he cares for me and loves me etc all without talking with me. We used our daughter as intermediate sometimes in conveying words between us. I was married for 12 years and just this year I realized how my mother was interfering in our lives. I was very immature like your wife. Don’t talk to make the argument big and also before your mother in law. Just send a message if you want to convey something to your wife or tell ur daughter to tell her. Your daughter need not convey it, you say tell you mom we will need….etc then ur wife responses the same way. But with this u will remember we will be very careful In selecting the words we use because you are talking before the kids and both of you love the kids. It will definitely take time remember. One thing to remember, your life is over it is the now how your daughter’s life will be. A kid needs both parents, even if you think of re marrying that women will not give the same love as a real mother. Your daughter will face a real big problem/s in her life if you both separate. So what ever she talks just ignore and be calm for sometime. She will definitely at one time understand and will change. Silence also brings curiosity on the opposite side and will bring out love after a while. Please don’t spoil your kids life. I know the pain of how it will be without both the parents. Please just ignore to whatever she says and think she is also your daughter and she is talking like this immaturely. There will be 100% change uh her.

Hi Madam
It is now not possible to stay for long time. Mother-in-law taught her daughter(my wife) ‘why you listen to your husband? You becomes like a dog. How you got birth from my womb? ‘. After like this brain washings my wife always in fighting for any matter because she don’t want to obey me. Always tell lie. You have mentioned rightly that it has to handle with patience. I have waited for 13 years. It is now made me sick. I am losing my health. Under this condition, it affects my daughter also.