Today it is 10 years since I smoked my last joint and had a drink. I still occasionally watch porn, but not very often; among several reasons probably due to my age and lower levels of testosteron. I also have a good relationship with my children. Their mother and I also have a fairly good relationship today. We are not close, but we treat each other with respect and are together on family occasions such as xmas and birthdays, and communicate regularly about matters regarding our children, who we both love very much.

An important reason why we do not have a conflict today is the fact that I due to therapy have realised that a lot of the problems we had, but not all, was caused by my irresponsible behavior. I am lucky to have two great children that I love and who loves me. I will be forever gratefull to their mother for the great job she has done with raising them. I have deep respect for her for that. The same applies to her husband, who has been a great stepfather for them.

The reason I write this is to warn you not to be fooled. Your partner do not have to fit the discription above to be addicted to porn. Many of the flaws described above can be and are relevant, but not neceserally all. I have never caused my two xwifes physical pain of any kind or been abusive during sex or in other situasions. I have certainly caused them emotional pain, but have never degraded them verbally as described above. Neither have I felt sadistic pleasure in making them unhappy, on the contrary. This has caused me great pain and shame, and it still does. Neither did I distance myself from society. I had many friends and an active social life both with my wifes and their friends and with my own mates. I still have an active sosial life with family and friends today.

A man can have serious problems with addiction to porn and substance abuse without fitting the label of a sociopatic maniac as described above. I have also been active in taking part in my childrens life, playing with them when they were small, and been active in their upbringing. They are both very important to me and have been so ever since they were born. Neither did I cheat on my two wifes when we were together.

You should look for warning signs way before your partner have evolved to a misfit as described above!

Hi Maria,
It is surprising you have stayed in a marriage which offers you nothing. You say that you want to get out of your marriage. For that you must be financially independent. Are you working? If not, you must do something which will make you financially self sufficient. Moving to your hometown is a good idea. It will make you feel more secure. Don’t worry that your doctors are there. It should not affect you in anyway. Think twice before taking a final decision. Do you feel your marriage will never work? If so, move away from your husband and lead a life which will give you peace and calm.

Hi Neha,
Your husband is being selfish and immature. And it is mental trauma to live with such a self-loving person. But, you should understand one thing. Your husband is being abusive because you are allowing him to. Just because you are married to him, it does not give him any right to treat you highhandedly. You should act confidently and show him that you will respect him and adjust with him, but you will not take any of his abuse lightly. When you are assertive, your husband will think twice before physically abusing him.
Do not leave your job. You have to be financially independent at least for the sake of your children.
Tell him firmly that you will not take his affairs lightly. Don’t brood and become depressive because of your husband. You have your children to think of. Don’t expect him to respect your parents. If you do so, it will become his trump card. He will deliberately insult them to hurt you. Tell your parents about him and ask them to avoid coming home when he is there. You can always go to your parent’s house to see them. This is a small tip.
If your husband body shames you, it does in anyway make you a lesser and unattractive person. Understand that you are beautiful in your own way.
If your husband still continues his affairs in spite of your warning, you have to be mentally prepared to leave him. You have your life to think of. You have your children to consider. You cannot lose your life just because your husband does not understand the values of life. But this is an extreme step. First of all, put your husband in his place by being firm, decisive and confident. Don’t go begging for his love and attention. It will make him feel he has a hold on you.
Give him a cold shoulder when he hurts you. Show him that his rude behavior does not affect you in anyway. This will make your husband feel confused and baffled at your changed behavior.
Good luck and I hope your husband will change for the better.

He is not financially secured. His expenses on himself are more than his earnings.
He is very operessive. If i dont do anythings as per his wish he will treat me like shit.
Since last one year he has started hitting me.

He tells everyone i m nagging wife and dont love or care for him (to which i believed for some time that problem was with me). But from day one i have done everything as per his wish always believing he is correct. Whenever i dont agree with him he distances me. Wont have sex or talk to me.

His girlfrends come over when i m out for work to which he always has some excuse.

He had affair with his cousin when i was expecting my second child.

He doesnt respect my parents , he left his mom alone when his younger brother was murdered. His father too left the family and whole family disintegrated.

I was always bright fun loving caring. Now i dont know what to do. I still expect that he might change. He shows he loves his kids but whenever it comes to guiding them what right and wrong he alwys chooses easy way which is not in thier best interest.
He has distanced me from my relatives.
I dont know his friends either.
He blames me that for me work is priority not family. I have told him i m ready to leave job but then he is not ready to support my expenses.

Can u tell me i m wrong ..is there any hope. He threatens to hit me again till i bleed if i confront him for girlfriends.
My parents are always worried.